reflections + stories

i wrote this whole chunk of words- inspired by someone else's entries, and then i deleted it. simply because it wasn't coherent ( whats new, anyway) due to the many directions my brain is going. but i kept my concluding paragraph that sums up a few of the directions in my head:

perhaps life shouldn't be as simple as it should be. we need a few complications in order for us to grow up and enjoy what the trials that comes along; to face it bravely with a smile and not to think so much of it. And when we don't, we won't let it get to us; which will, in turn, affect our mood. but- easier said than done.

dammit.

but i am improving- at least i dun give a damn about what they say about me anymore. i need thicker skin.

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corn had diner with a few aunties and cousins today. she came home to fill me in abt the funny stories the Goh family always have. the latest i heard has to be the one on gambling: taking up classes for shaking dice- to be in line with the IR, and my poor cousin who had to be sent to sch early, before the sch opens, because her dad wanted to board that casino ship and got scolded by her teacher. (HAHA!! like as if it was her fault.)

and so i heard abt other stories, abt the one where my aunty and my cousin saw this tortoise crawling on the road and they carried it back to the pond which prob took forever to crawl out to where he was; and my other cousin opening a boxers shop in Bugis for her final year project in poly.

i think father and mother should be proud of me that i'm not living the same type of lifestyle like them.

and perhaps thats one of the reasons i want to cont staying in hall! so i can live that lifestyle!!!

aiyah. why am i talking to myself again.

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random thought of the day-
guys that write beautifully are so darn attractive.

Captain Jack Sparrow + E870

i am so in love with Captain Jack Sparrow and for Johnny Depp who portrayed Capt. Jack so welll, i'll give him a standing ovation.

bravo. =)

i can't wait for part 3 la. quickquickquickquick!!! =)

met chongzie the day bin, na and me watched it. haha.. while i managed to book the last 3 seats right smack in the middle, poor chong and his camp frens had to sit first row and craned their necks for 2 hours and 31 min. HHAHAHA. (oops.)

glad to see u that day chongzie. =)
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on sat, the family went out.

=/ cut the long story short, corn has a new phone under the upgrading of my plan. =/ yes. i'm being a spoilt brat here but i'll just grumble to myself and just continue using her N7210. till august 12th. gawd. think i'll pull father to m1 like straight away.

samsung e870.. u are mine!!! *roar



icantwaiticantwaiticantwaiticantwaiticantwaiticantwaiticantwaiticantwaiticantwait!!!

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hey diana.. canada got MCD. dun eat cows k. =) miss u babe.

trial camp starts tmr!! so exciting. hahahaha...
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Capt Jack Sparrow!





*swoons and faints.

lalala

i miss hall days totally.

altho it was just a few months ago, one look at the mpsh and it just totally brought me back to orientation days, boring agms and eogms, chingay, etc.

sigh.

i dun even noe if i have a room next week. oh well. haha

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i woke up this morning with a smile on my face. somehow, last night, i had a wonderful dream. =)

i remember seeing his face, but i can't remember how he looks like exactly. but i really i wish i deja vu!!

haha...

pirates of the caribbean tmr! woots!!

i run.

Artist: Planet Shakers
Song: Running After You
Album:

Your Word is a light unto my path
Your Love guides me through my darkest night
And even though sometimes Your ways
I cannot understand
I'll never walk away because my future’s
In Your hands

I don't care what people will say
I'm running after You
I won't turn back and go their way
Coz I'm running after You
Yeah I'm running after You
I'm running after You
(I will run to You)

I don't care what people will say
I'm running after You
I won't turn back and go their way
Coz I'm running after You
Don't matter what may come my way
I'm running after you
It's You I'm following today
I'm running after You

I'm running after You

Words and music by Mike Guglielmucci
© 2003 Planet Shakers Publishing
Administered by WORD Australia

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this is the song that has been ringing thru my ears the whole day, since i saw you. i dun understand why, but i'm not gg to "fight God". just let me say thank you, for letting me be part of ur life- although it was just a mere 3 months. =)

20 + yday's events + today's + reflections

i just discovered many things i do not know about myself, recently.

hahahah.. i wun bother elaborating because some things are best left unsaid, and best for u to find out urself.

did i ever mention i love being 20?

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yday was superly rushed. went to had my hair trimmed in the late morning before rushing down to chuch. i think the length of my hair now is relatively short, but i dun think ppl noticed. i concluded that its subjective. haha.. but anyway, i dun really like it now. i dunno why; altho there seems to be no difference. aiyah, i bu hui la. *shrugs*just feels funny.

father sent me to church thereafter.. had mkc prac. =)

note to self: its all for Him; not the kids.

and then i rushed all the way to orchard, just in time before my optometrist closed shop. haha.. my degree finally stopped rising- at least it did, for 1.5 years. haha.. so yea. should be able to get my lens by next week. ( then prob my hair will look better.. hehe)

mother met me at the shop and we proceeded to mother's favourite shopping centre- centrepoint. oh boy, did we shopped. haha.. the darn esprit there didn't sell the shirt i saw the previous day. so i couldn't get mummy to buy it for me. *grumbles* but i managed to persuade her to get me another pair of gio berms. *grins widely* its dark green! haha.. oh and we grabbed those plain t shirts in the midst of crazy singaporeans. mother and i make a good team. hahahaha.. =)

oh and we went into bossini and this sleeveless tee caught BOTH my eyes. haha.. whats quite extraordinary of this top is that its for guys. hahahaha.. anyway, i got it, and i love it. *smiles even wider* its yellow and green. ( not that i'm a brazil fan, but because it went well with my *ahem* recent tan. *laughs uncontrollably* well, mummy didn;t say anything altho corn, who joined us later after her rebonding session, gave me some kind of look that read "i thought u got over that stage already"

o well. perhaps i like living in my some fragments of my past.

btw, corn looks younger than me now. erm, i have no comments. but well, at least i know i'm growing up. hahahaha..

hmm.. ok nvm.
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today started with a huge spin and many rejected thoughts in my mind the min i woke up. well, slept only 2 hours. i blame the world cup.

then again, its ending in a few hours time, so i'm embracing it. hahahaha

italy will win.

anyways, think i wore quite gross to church today. hahaha.. blame it on the sleep!! anyways, quite sad that i didn't join the rest for lunch at seoul gardern- pastor's treat; not because it was free ( i can't eat much anyway), but because it was bex's birthday today. i think i'm so horrible. but anyway, i promise we go celebrating on friday after work. =)

perhaps that was why i was feeling down today- inwardly, of couse. until i received a huge bear hug from my big brother. =) haha.. i felt much better after that. thanks bro. =)

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so, i think of the kids- more often than i used to. i know what i should do. and i understand why they are going to do this. i expected it soon anyway. i wun say i am scared; in fact, i will say i'm excited! and i thank God for that. but all i need is time.. i know i can do it. anyways, it is for Him, not for any others. Amen? =)

yes! no work tmr! =)

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"you will seek me and find me when u seek me with all your heart." - jeremiah 29:13

witness + schneider's hair + fendi's world cup stickers

on a happy note, i erm.. am still happy over my trip and erm.. my tan. haha.. altho i'm peeling.






so i try to reflect what happened during my trip, to seriously blog down what are some things that God spoke to me during the trip, esp that morning when i cauhgt the few min of sunrise alone..

a few weeks ago God gave me a vision of the waqves crashing onto the beach, making evrything whole again- this time, i witnessed it.

Not only that, God gave me another point too.

u see, i was standing at the sand where the swash met the beach- barefooted, of course- and as i praised God then, i realised that the backwash of the waves were trying to 'pull' the sand away under my feet. the waves managed to get the sand ard my toes, however, the portion of it below the ball of my feet,couldn't be 'pulled' and washed away. so i watches my toes sink deeper, and i realised, after a few waves, i was half tip toeing, about to lose my balance. and so, i stepped away. with the next swash, the 'hole' that i created in the sand, was filled with the fine sand of the beach. any sign that i was standing on that exact same spot was gone.

it was an easy point: u see.. God will continue washing away our sins (the constant waves)- that is, if only we let go of it, because if we hold on to it, it will only endanger our lives ( because we'll stumble). =)

simple point- yet it meant so much. so stop thinking abt what wrongs u did and move on with life, because He's always forgiving.

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so, i got up at 3 am ( with the help of corn) to watch germany and italy. urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. so i watched the whole 120 min and italy scored 2 at the last 2 min. whatever la!

=(

schneider's hair is so nice... *swoons

hehehe
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haven't really got the pics from my trip yet. but i can't wait to see all of it! =)

lianyee's back in spore.. the rest are having stayiover at winnie's.. but i can't go. have to work. sigh.

oh. work. hahaha

gawd. fendi, who's like 26 years this year, collects world cup stickers in his world cup book.

!!!

whats the funniest thing? he didn't watch this morning's match! some soccer fan la.. cheh. whateverrrr. poser only. trying to collect all the stickers. cheh!

hahaaha..

so anybody who collects world cup stickers, have like many duplicates amd want to trade.. please look for me. i'll pass you fendi's number. who would be SOOOOOOO delighted. and he'll have me to thank and i wouldn't have to act as his secretary anymroe!!!!

haha..

ok sleepy time.. france vs portugal! later!

=)

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i don't know if what i'm doing is right, but all i want to do is lessen your pain; and not to increase it. please tell me, u're not falling deeper... because we are impossible.. unless..

there's nothing happier than finally seeing my fav big brother after close to a year. =)

happy!

i'm so happy. i can't even be bothered if my boss fires me.

hmm.

i'm SOOOO happY!!

i never felt so happy..

... i miss redang already.

Redang / KL = woooo!! happening!

Redang is beautiful!!! and just a note: nothing is fake, or editted in the pic!!!

haha.. i have so much to say, but due to the 5 hours sleep out of 48, let me just say the key words of how my KL-Redang trip was:

REDANG=
sun, white sand, blue sea. (diana, u must go there!!!)
sun burnt- lovin' it.
great company!!
-brothers:
from the useless elder brother;
the capable one;
the womaniser ( part time petrol kiosk uncle) &
the spoilt one aka the VERY bimbotic doctor.

-sisters:
the mu tou
the mental
the cunning one
the twins
the aunty one (my partner hehe) who loves GIANT
the cute demanding one.

snorkelling!!!!- pretty fishies
lost a lense. (-.-")
polar bear and the many dead doctors. (haha)
many squirrels
blue sand
MANY STARS!!
BEACH PARTY!! but we didn't join them... :(
big fat mosquitoes.
good and simple food
pathetic shower head.
dry hair.
no voice.
sunrise!!


KL=
shopping (vincci)
bak kut teh
shopping (romp)
lum mee
shopping (ipanema slippers)
dimsum
shopping (long sleeve shirts!)
mango sago
shopping ( PUMA cap)
twin towers
shopping...
dunkin donuts
...and more shopping!
high sch musical!

and just a note: lianyee and seokie are the best KL tour guides, most hiong drivers ard!! thanks u 2.. and the rest for a wonderful, memorable trip..

more photos soon. =)

i don't know what all of you want from me la. anything i say seems to be leaking out 'secrets'. i shan't comment on anything abt it from now on.

but why are u ashame of it? i don't get it. if you have faith, then show it to the world that u have faith. its not like u're blardy boasting or whatever.

ok its either i'm disappointed with all of you, or my self esteem is just blardy low.

i'm falling sick, and this is not blardy helping. pissed.

it was that particular photograph at the corner of her room that makes me really acknowledge how beautiful she is.

that photograph with her back facing the camera.

she taught me sth yday, no matter how talented or how much u achieve that determines the number of years you have on this earth.

Rest in peace, Lena.

just thinking hard on the bus to dan's house today..

lots of rubbish thoughts. haha.. whats new. but i'm thinking of offering my services to the community kids.. becos there's sth in me that has sth for them. but i dun noe if i can commit. thats what i'm afraid.

i mean.. looking at "everybody noes who"- how to commit la.. but how can u not feel anything for them esp when u see them worship God.. all the strings in my heart is tugged at. haha..

and while u look at jacqueline sitting at a corner, turns around, smiles and wave at you; u hear aunty stef's voice in ur head:

"when u see jacqueline, give her many hugs as possible, she doesn't have a mother.."

and then u hear from one of the aunties that nigel tells her:

"i like jie jie laureen a lot!!! she's my favourite!!"

-----------------------

bro, if u have been praying for me to take over ur tuition legacy, seems like its coming to pass. hahahaha.. i miss you and i can't wait to see u back in spore.

it hit me.

suddenly, her smile, her face appeared. i talked less than 10 sentences to her in my life. but she's pretty, she's class, she's talented. i look up to her.

Lena's beautiful. i wished i told u before that there was just somrthing abt u that makes all of us smile.

u were beautiful. u really were. but i believe u are much more beautiful now as you sit beside God.

spend a min of silence for a beautiful- inside and outside- girl.

firstly, to the person who insulted my friend:

i really dun give a crap abt you. but seriously, u are very wrong. yina, out of the 5 of us, changed the most out. and to start with, she was/is never ugly. so please mind your words and do not insult my friends- esp my jie meis. because this is, not in any way, tolerable.

i repeat, DO NOT insult my friends.

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a loooooooooooooooong time ago, in some pasir ris chalet while we had cell group. God spoke to me by giving me a vision, when i was really down. he said "I have always loved you". =)

my first vision
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i wanted to blog abt this last week,but the week has been so crazy and tiring, i don't have time to record any of it down, and so i shall now.

2 weeks ago, we had cell at pastor's house. it was my first attendance in eons, man! haha.. anyway, while we were worshipping, i had a vision of a pair of heels. haha. not just any pair of heels, but a VERY pretty one, in fact. it had many strings attached to it.. and it was very elegant. at first, i thought it was sth i was imagining and told myself to stop thinking abt shopping (ha.) since i was in need for a pair of heels. so i focused my mind back on God and i got another vision. this time, God simplified it for me. hahaha.. he showed me a knot- made up of many ropes. then it hit me. i ain't imagining man. haha.. so i released His word to the rest. God was telling us that the zone had to be united, then, like a knot, we can lift the heaviest object that we are faced with. =)

my second vision from God.

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last week, we had an overnight prayer meeting in church. feeling excited and desperate for God to talk to me after what i've been thru recently, i was looking forward to that session-very very very much.

it wasn't long before we knelt on the floor and were totally soaked in God's presence. but what hit me most at the point in time was to look at the wall that was in front of us. and so i did. the wall, was decorated with posters and the songs of the phonics class the children attended. Hence, there was a sun which had a smiling face, 3 blue clouds, and several birdsthat was pasted right on top of the wall. somebody had hung a wooden cross on the wall, in line with the sun, clouds and birds. i wish i had a pic to show you, i will, once i have it.

then it came upon me that the smiling sun was like God, the blue clouds- the holy spirit, and the birds, us.

it struck me then and there that what i was seeing, was an awesome sight- that somehow, what we were doing in that room that night, will come to pass in future: us, kneeling down, facing the sun, the clouds and with the birds, and Christ in the sky. =) i can't really describe the feeling la. aiyah. it was just awesome.

initially, again, i thought it was my own imagination, until Joyce said she saw a very bright light, which i took it as confirmation after the verse psalm 67:1 came to my mind that the sun was depicting God looking at us from heaven and smiling. oh boy! =)

my third vision from God. =)
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later on that night, in the spirit of worship, pastor asked us to repent all our sins before God- on how we have taken him lightly and etc. at that point in time, i saw zigzag lines, which then evolved into waves splashing against the beach. so while pastor was gg on and on about asking us to repent, there was a million and one things running thru my head!! haha.. that was quite hip, i mean.. was God trying to tell me that like how the waves splash across the beach, He will also forgive our sins akin to the waves filling up the holes in the sands and making the beach perfect and untouched- in other words, whole again? so again, i prayed for confirmation from God before i said anything.

"dear God," i prayed, " please God, if that is what u want me to tell them again, show me sth else that is related to water.."

and so i focus my mind on the cross when all of a sudden, i saw lines spurting out in a shape of fingers from a palm: fountain, the word appeared in my mind. i got soooooooooo excited. haha.. then pastor said "build an altar to God and lay ur troubles, worries, everything to Him", and as i did that mentally, water spurted out of my altar like a geyser!! at the same time, becky sang "rain down on me". haha..

"enough of water! haha i get the point, God!" i said in my heart.

and so i released it to the youth again, not really realising whts the link. haha.. and to my surprise, after revealing what God has showed me.. pastor smiled at me and said that, one of the aunties during a prayer meeting while praying for dicky as a proxy for the youths said she saw water spurting out of a water hole in full force while they were praying for us. confirmations, confirmations, confirmations.

=)

we are/will growing!!!

=)

my fourth vision from God.
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my recent one for my darling mentos while i prayed for her till i cried.

note to mentos: since there isn't any aunty ann to record, let me write down what i still remember:

God showed me a pink float that was floating on the water.. somehow at the corner of my vision was a black patch.. i fig that it was ur hair under the water.. then i saw ur hands too.. somehow.. u were drowning. but u weren't grabbing the pink float which was ur only hope..

God is telling you that firstly, he knows you are drowned by the troubles of the world. but you aren't grabbing on to Him. focus on Him, babe. dun look to the world for answers, because you won't be able to breathe. look to Him and cling on to Him for ur dear life.

that vision was the most clear to me, and i felt it in my heart.

talk to me if u have to, sweety. love you. =)

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i watched da vinci on thursday with na. the show is totally blasphemous. to those who watched/read the book again: please remember when the gospel of mary magdelene was written. also, seriously, how would leonardo know how was it like at the last supper to paint a pic of it. like seriously. he wasn't even there la. dotdotdot. many other loopholes if ppl think the story is true.

and 'apple'?! Sheesh!!! haha.. i think thats so funny la.

please guys, seek the truth.

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life is short. and yours may be gone at the least expected timing.

as we grieved over Lena, i pray, that her family esp and our seniors, will find God's peace.

to my friends: if i ever leave in such an unexpected way too, just know that i love all of u very much.

say your "i love yous" when you can.

this entry is because my bosses are not ard. (SSSSSHHHH) and they are not ard because their BOSS is not ard. HAHAHA

hmm... yina just happened to ask if i watched da vinci already. haha nope, i haven't.

this topic has stirred a big issue ard the world. haha.. and i think i must be the latest blogger to have pen my thoughts abt this whole controversial issue.

Dan brown wrote the Da vinci code. seriously, i really wanted to know what he was thinking while he wrote this book. Was he in doubt of the religion? was he writing becos of interest? was he trying to be like Brecht with the aim of changing how readers think when they are done with his book? did he want to achieve the same theory as Brecht so as to create a legacy to leave in this world?

i remember watching one of those shots of some documentary. they said that danbrown wanted to combine fact and fiction to the reader. and it is up to the reader to decipher.

the da vinci CODE. what an appropriate title.

its quite amazing that it is after the movie is produced and ready to screen to the public, that the gnostics such as the gospel of judas arises out of nowhere.

and so somebody questioned me about the history of the bible, a few weeks back. and so i started questioning father. he was quite taken back by my sudden curiosity. haha.. anyways, he spent a great deal telling me about the other gnostics such as the gospel of mary magdeline and the gospel of thomas. he said that these gospels only came out 300 AD and not like the books in the bible which were written by people who witness the works of God. thus, these gnostics were written by ppl who did not witness the lives of that person!! how can somebody write about the thoughts and the exact situation faced by that particular person who lived like 300 years ago. surely, it is not accurate!!

thus, i think ppl who watches this film/ read the book, should get down to the bottom of the matter/issue. seperate the fiction from the facts. open your eyes and see the truth; and this, i pray.

the devil creates illusions. but we shall use it the other way and bring it for God.

seek the truth, people!!

ok, whatever, just some thoughts. the power of the bubble tea that i finished an hour ago has ran out. i think i better focus on my forms now. haha..

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i hope the reason why we happened was because God wanted me to bring you back to Him. and i hope i did. =)

ok. for the heck of it and because i love all of them very much. transformation of the jiemeis from 2004-2006. =) love you guys.

my sister baffles me. like every part of me.

someone PLEASE tell me why she can do some difficult sums but she never gets the easy ones rite?!!

i don't know why. i reaally don't.

in my opinion, i believe we should tackle the problem now. like send her there and see if she's really a victim of this 'disease'. but its always about the money part. sigh. father says its also the stress part. but i have qualms against that.

my opinion is that all teachers, especially primary school teachers, should be trained for identifying such problems in children, especially the children nowadays. every kid that is streamed to EM3 should go for it. is it fair to deny a chance to score for a kid who thinks differently? no, its not! meritocracy, my ass man!!!!

altho we all agree that the syllabus these days are harder, but the milk powder are getting more expensive too la. kids these days should be wittier, smarter and well, whatever those milk powder does to their brains. i just saw one tin of milk powder priced at $34 in a certain hypermart. so tell me, with such high priced milk powder, shouldn't they ensure healthy growth for a child- both physically and mentally? so u can't really say much abt the syllabus then.

(gosh. my thoughts are like just running ard in my head. i'm tired. so sorry for the incoherentness)

urgh. gee. so back to my point: i feel that every kid should be screened and tested if they have any learning difficulties. only then, can we bring out the right leaders of tomorrow.

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i'm dead beat.

i'm tired about many things. i appreciate the days wh i had an average of 10 hour sleep daily. now, i'm just adjusting back to 8 hours and already i find it difficult. i think i have some sleeping disease. (i remember reading abt this disease somewhee..)

i can't wait for chuch camp! let me feel everything that i need to feel.

i read someone's blog yday and her sentence just totally fit in with my thoughts and feelings: why does it hurt so much when there's actually nothing to feel hurt about?

i wonder. i really do.

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something's missing from my life. i think i know what it is but God says its not time. and so i wait.

straight B's man.

at least i passed fna!! woohoO!!!

aiyah my cap drop also la. sian.

but then again, thinking abt it, all glory goes to God. =) He gave me what i deserve.

thanks, God. =)

oh.. i forgot to add that my boss told me not to go to work on fri. she said she wouldn't be in office, and she doesn't want me to work for the duty officer that day. like 'huh?" ya. i also dunno. anyway she made me not earn money. so sad. =(

i finally added a whole lot of planetshakers' songs to my list. =)

results coming out at 5. haha.. not that i really bother how i did. just dun tell me i failed any, esp fna. PLEASE!!! oh maaan. aiyah.. i won't la. i hope. haha

i just talked to serene.. yay! the woman graduated! hahahah.. her cap is so freaking high i got nothing to say. oh well.. haha.. ttalking to her just now reminded me of many things, our supposed miss long wing contest.. and she (anyhow-ly) put me as the head of the organising committee. oooohhh shheesh. haha.. but well, she's canvassing everything, from her own pocket so i guess, my job is just to gather the peeps. hahahah.. hilarious. really..

somehow i was reminded by the days before exams. how i spent a month in hall trying to put my life together by figuring how fna works. and the food supplements that i had to eat everyday for lunch (i.e. char siew rice or chicken rice), and sometimes probably mass cooking of tom yam maggi mee- that nearly killed 4 of us. haha. haevne't ate tom yam since that day man! haha...

so the results of that method of studying will be made known real soon. does it work? or is it futile?

or ... was there any other arguement that caused the success/ failure of my grades?

but i say, this was my best sem in hall (altho i only had 2) in terms of my social life. hahahahaha..

i love ALL of u! yay!!

miss long wing coming to ur wing- soon! catch us on block A level 5! =)
(exciting prizes not to be missed!- sign up now!)

vj scored 2 darn goals that could be saved in the last 4 min. wth.

4-2.

nvm. we'll get it the next time round!!

haha.. i saw mr chen running on the field and i started screaming "thats my teachhheerrrrr..."

ya "...", i noe. hahaha

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smelly binny is in bkk. awwwwwwwwwww... *jealous

ok i dun see the point in blogging if blogger refuses to load my posts.

what is wrong with this thing?!!!

sheesh.

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i'm gg back to work on friday/ kinda have mixed feelings. wun be sleeping 10 hous a day and watching tv after that anymore. haha.. oh wells. but i think i got quite enough of that kind of a life. i'll save it for the future when i need a good break.

was just watching tv just now, like whats new. anyway, there was this chinese variety show that was on and it was like seriously funny because they were talking about dreams and de ja vus. hahaha.. i like that host. better go find his name man. haha..

oh and i am so in love with Katherine McPhee's Somewhere over the RAinbow. that song was like sooooooo written for her! i'm totally in love with her voice on that song!!! anybody ANYBODY knows where i can get her song, PLEASE PLEASE tell me.. or else u'll just hear me imitating her. hahaha.. "soooooommmmeewhhhereeeeeeeeeeee ooooooooooooooover the rainboooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww..."

aww.. beautiful. really.

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so i wonder. i wonder why these ppl keep msging me. should i even reply? sheesh.

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somewhere, over the rainbow
where blue birds fly- thats where i want to be.

this is quite irritating:

1. my recent posts aren't showing.
2. stupid b***gger just won't allow me to type a title for my entry.
3. my posts aren't showing

argh.

anyways, met elsa today!! elsa lost like 20 kg. haha yea. 20. she's so hip now la!! (last time also hip la) haha.. oh wells. we had teppenyaki for dinner and went to forbidden city for a nice drink and trying not to look too sua ku, although i think we failed to do so la. i mean ya, we kept on taking photos! haha.. photos soon when elsa sends me. hahaa.. oh boy. i love elsa. =D

--------------
ohoh!! i met ernie, eve and conniebonnie yday!! gosh i miss all 3 of them.. eve has a new pair of spec. hip man. hahaha.. and so we relived our hall days- our escapades from reality, a little gossip and an update on our lives. i love them. i really do.

sometimes, its hard to understand why things happen, but it all happens for a GOOD reason. so clubbing guys aside, lets look forward to the chosen one, sweetie. =) we'll get over it asap.

eve: have fun in europe man.. u better enjoy ur flight there.. no free ticket, noe!! hahahaa..

conniebonnie: i really really missed your laughter and ur disturbance. i look fwd to see u in hall following semMM!!!

ernie: dun kill the others with ur food in mongolia, rite. haha... muacks. love you babe.

lets meet again- soon. =)

----------

people always conclude without first finding facts- what is the truth and why it is like that. u see, its not really why i dont do that, but rather, why i can't do that. i mean, yea. i would LOVE to do it, but i just can't and so i'm praying it will just go away, dry up and like become 'extinct' or sth so i can lead a normal, pretty life. please please please. sheesh. i'm sick of it already!!!


*thinks: i wonder when this entry will ever be loaded.

oh. this is hilarious.

weiseong : : says:
haha..u're like a little ger to me leh..since i knew u in wat..when u sec 2?...i've always tot of u as a little girl..even now..haha..
laur: definition, please. says:
oi.
laur: definition, please. says:
i am 20 liao ok.
laur: definition, please. says:
cheh.
laur: definition, please. says:
hahaah
weiseong : : says:
haha yaaaaa...but my image of u is when u were 14!!
weiseong : : says:
u're forever 14 to me..wahahaha


SHHHEEESSSh.

i'm gg back to work. porridge days are here again.

sigh. there goes russia. *wails

---------

she got back her results.

i've been thinking about his issue. and somehow my thoughts have wandered back to primary school- this particular vision i had. somehow, i always wonder why can't they just get it. i believe i was complacent- at that time. but up to now. i still dun get it. i just dun. why?

these few days, i'be been thinking like.. more than usual. and the good thing is that i like how and what i'm thinking. haha..

remember the sentence in one of my previous posts on how i felt like the characters in PIE- being trapped in my own beliefs? i figured out that definition is very impt regardless of topic. u see.. a definition of a certain subject sets the ground, the limit for the topic of discussion and understanding. this will thus leads to the beliefs and principles formed.

hmm.. so make known ur deifinition in things, because ur definition is NOT my definition. so lets have a common one, and exterminate this thing called misunderstanding. hows that?

-----------------

how great is our God
sing with me
how great is our God
and all will see
how great
how great is our God

What is the middle child syndrome?
Here are some characteristics of the middle born child or children.


The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure. The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things.


Being a middle child would mean they are loners. They really don’t like to latch on to a person in a relationship, there fore they have trouble keeping one due to lack of interest. Not liking to take the limelight for anything, they are not over achievers and just simply work enough work to get by, and typically that goes with school as well as a career. They are however very artistic and creative. If forced to use abilities they will work well, but do not work well under pressure. They often start several projects but rarely keep focused long enough to finish a project. The best career move for a middle child would be along the lines of using their creative. Going into a writing or journalism career, and into a career that they could freely express themselves would be good. Anything that would have hours that are flexible, and projects that frequently changed would be good for a middle born child. Since relationships are not of high importance to a middle child, often times they are alone. However, the best possible match for a middle child would be a last born.

-essortment:information and advice you want to know
http://wvwv.essortment.com/whatismiddlec_rsoe.htm


BINGO- but not really for the last sentence though. hahaha

nice, beautiful, classy, pretty, cheap SWAROVSKI ear rings!!

everybody in the world!!!

check it ouT!!! its chao pretty!!! and whatever my title says.. hahahah...

http://mypreciousgemz.blogspot.com

(for my darling jasmine, who owes me ice cream. =D)

yesterday.

wow.. i had another overseas call.. haha.. from london!

adrian called! so sweet lor.

=)
---------

i guess if i didn't had these calls and msgs, yday would not quite be special. haha i love the sound of phone ringing. its therapeutic- in some way la.

so the only times i smiled yday was when:-
- i received a msg
- when i had to take photos with my bday cake.

the rest of the day was spent sulking, shouting and ya, tearing.

haha.. i always thought i had quite a lot of patience. seems like yday proved me really wrong. one more shot at it later.

father was trying so hard to make me smile. that was quite funny.

i shan't comment on anything abt it anymore.
-----------------------

lets get on with life.

happy birthday, me. =)

i'm 20.

haha.. so old!! i'm 2 decades old!! gee.. and i still remember how i spend more than 1/2 of my birthdays.

i remember my 4th birthday. haha.. i celebrated it in school and i got to wear my favourite blue with white polka dots dress. haha.. amazing how i still can remember..

i remember my 8th. at my ah ma's house. haha. i had 2 HUGE turtles for my bday present from my aunty. so we took photos with the 2 turtles at my each side. haha.. macham the 2 lions guarding the banks outside, u noe? haha

i remember my 10th birthday. haha i had blackforest cake and i was wearing a purple dress at home. =) in school, i received 3 paper stars from shu. haha.. i still have them. and how all of them tricked me that they didn't buy a present for me. haha.. and gave it to me before they we went home. OH WELL.

i remember my 12th birthday. it was my science exam. haha.. and after the exam, the whole class began writing cards for me. so sweet la. and then kept saying its not for me when i asked them what they doing.

i remember my 13th birthday. after school, janice and i went to TM macs. haha.. and she got stopped by this group of guys and we spent our time running away from them. and i was so sad when i reached home!! it was like MY birthday and i had to help her run away from guys. -.-
the next day, cheryl org a party for me and philo at her place. =) while we waited for aunty steph to give birth to gildie.

i remember my 15th birthday. my juniors gave me such nice presents. haha.. hmm.. thats all i can remember. ahahaahah. oh. we ate dinner at home and my birthday cake was durian la! D24 some more!!!! aunty chris bought it for me. she's so sweet la.

my 16th greeted with troy who dropped my present before she reached my classs. with an apologetic face, she kept saying sorry. haha (because it broke), i still keep it though. =)

my 17th birthday was quite whatever. i spent it in school studying for my maths exam the next day which was a saturday. stupid school. i only went home at 9 plus. whateverrrrr....

my 18th was spent with chong. haha.. =) it was a sunday.

my 19th was with my darling jie meis at the zoo. it was a blast man. hahahaah.. and neoprint siao with ling.. hahahahaha.. smelly bin had to go home for dinner. wa lao. hahaa.. xiaolongbaos!!! =)

my 20th.. hmmm.. at home teaching maths. sigh.

--------------

this is so funny. everybody doesn't believe i'm 20. haha.. well, neither do i. hahaha

-------------

on another note, 31 ppl remembered, so far. thats so sweet la. =) haha.. see? i get happy just knowing ppl remembered.

and the most special call has got to be the one from UK!!!!!


AHHH!!! =)


i'm loved. =)

---------------

another year, another chapter.
a whole new number, a whole new vision.
wiser, mature, sensible.
love, wish, hope, pray.
family, friends, ...and more more more more friends!! =D
smiles, laughter, joy, peace.
thank you, God.

------------------
*prays: please let me go to russia, and i promise i wun complain anymore..

"Fly Me To The Moon"

Fly me to the moon

Let me play among those stars

Let me see what spring is like

On jupiter and mars

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, baby kiss me

Fill my heart with song

Let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, I love you

she pissed me offfffffffffffff.

i just need to blogg abt how pissed i am now and how many times i've rewritten this post because of a certain someone.

all my previous attempts were aimed at that person, and then i thought that my arguements were really immature and there are people who are worse off. but its bad enough to make you throw "the book" down, scream "screw you la!" and close the toilet door and cry.

yes. i'm pissed. and i think i'm calmed down already.

so i think i can get over this incident 2 ways:
1. now that i cried it all out, i can just accept reality and be the best kin.
2. really heck it, and go out and play- and try not to feel guilty and not think of it when i'm out.

sigh.. sorry girls.. looks like we'll have to postphone my bday celebration on tues.

just read someone's blog and sensitivity is soared high.

ithinkiknowwhourtalkingabtandihopeitdoesntaffectourrelationship
becauseistilllovehimasmuchasiloveyou.

------------

oh. and on another note:

make it a point to say bye when u talked to me on msn will be nice. really. i dun like to be left dangling there.

happy post

ok another long day at home.. but before i forget:

happy birthday yinananananananana!! =)
sorry its like 2 days late.. erm make it 3. =P but i still love you anyway!!

happy bday clara!! (my first fren in pri sch) hahhahaha..
1 day late tho. hahaha =P

--------------------

ok. i think my rook is 70% cleaned up. left a lil more.. haven't really decide what to do with my bags. haha prob just go wash it. then in the short run, its like not ard in the room. will think abt the medium/long run later- as to where to store them.

------------------

i msged ze bird to ask him whats he gonna do on our bday. thought of prob having a sentosa outing and celebrate our bdays tog. buut some bird got date already.. hahahaha and he included this in his sms "happy not? 19 le."

thanks.

hahahaha.. can also la. i dun mind. haha...

--------------------

i cooked dinner today. lalala... hahaha.. yes yes i think i am not worthy of the "qian jing" title anymore. haha.. alrite. next time can go to bf's house and help in preparing dinner. no need to keep thinking abt it any more. HAHA. yes yes.. stupid things that i think of.

and YES. i followed father to the market today. gawd. haha.. still retaining a lil bit of my qian jing ness, i was pissed when some woman brushed her wet platic bag against my legs. i nearly screamed. urgh. but anyhow, i survived it. haha.. i think father thinks i'm improving. haha

i am; ok. shut up. dun laugh.

-----------------

this year's special day will be spent with my darling pri sch best frens. this year will be a simple affair: a movie, dinner and great company. what better way is it to spend ur 20th bday with ppl who share many great childhood memories with you?

i'm trying to get elsa too.. but that woman must be out of town. =/ no parties can be carried out without elsa. i'm gg to msg her everyday!!!!!!! haha... sad that erin-nies is in aust..

------------------

hey everybody: i love all of you. really. i do. ah huh ah huh. =)

oh btw! diue to the pathetic connection speed, i will load all pics up.. once i.. get them hahaahah...

pics from:
- jacks place with my beloved hall mates
- bday celebration with my jie meis
- pics from becks.. hmm.. or just more photos of me and feeleep acting spastic
- and i cannot remember already. haha

hmm.. i spend the past few days gg out with father. hahaahah how interesting.

so we went ard the whole of simlim and pasir ris to look for that stupid 7.5amp fuse. father was sooooooooo frustrated. to the extent that i can feel it... oh well. he managed to find it at ELIAS mall in the end, haha.. but the thing is: it burst. like wa lao.

so anyways he's looking for 8 amp fuses now.

and we went carrefour today to get those storage boxes. haha God knew i needed it badly, so he had them up for sale. =)

oh yea. and i paid $9.50 for mess' dogsticks. father and i couldn't believe it costs so much. haiyo.. that dog ah.

and after which i treated father to san fransico coffee. haha.. buy one free one. so funny. anyways ya. father loved it. hahaha.. =)

-------------------

ok.

so i'm like not allowed to leave the house anymore. how pathetic. sigh its not that i want to complain and all. but it feels like i'm the one who is taking psle again. raaarrrrGGGHh. dammit.

ok. there. said it. i won't whine anymore.

-----------------
talking to bro online now.. i so miss him. =/ and he's only coming back on the 17th june. still a long way to go.. =(

-----------------

as she closes her eyes, she heaved a sigh. disappointment? relief? she does not know. the distinct line that seperates both emotions has become blurred akin to footprints on sand that has been washed away by the stormy waves.

perhaps it was for the better; perhaps it was not. she assured herself: what was meant to be, will be.

His touch, his words, his breath on her neck that felt so comforting after a day's work. it was no longer meant to be. everything has taken a standstill; reversed; and back to the starting point.

it wasn't really how she thought it would end. she comforted herself that she knew the outcome from the beginning; but distractions had strayed her from her path.

her freinds told her their deductions of him; but she immediately shot them down, and said "he's not like that!" But now, as she sat there in solitude, she thinks: how would she know? does she really know the real him? His answer to that burning question she had had hit the nail on the head.

perhaps she was led.. perhaps.

she opened her eyes and stared at the raindrops that trickled down the glass panes. she followed the trail of one raindrop- as she witness how that raindrop merged with other raindrops to form 'rills' and 'gullies'- to the bottom of the window sill. at the corner of the window, a tiny stream has been formed due to the heavy rain.

at the roar of the thunder, it flashed across her mind:

Romans 8:28.

She thank God as how He had used these tiny raindrops to make her understand how the journey of life goes- she may have been hurt, but she knows that God has better things stored in the future.

and then, for the first time in days, she smiled.

recovery

okay. i'm fine everybody. no worries.

esp after how serene puts it.. oh sheesh. i'm really fine... i hope. imean ya.. since after i know and am 100 % sure God spoke to me when i drew this verse out of the basket last sunday:

" We know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28"

*looks at winnie, smiles and whispers "i love you babe. thanks for always reminding."

i hate being sad. i hate being troubled. i hate feeling like i'm like some old hag locked in some room alone. i hate being some "qing wa" in the "jing".

so.. Laureen's back. all ready to fight whatever's in front of me. (which includes day dreaming.)
-------------------

oh shit, i just read ur blog. i hope i'm not sending out wrong signs. please tell me i'm not.

------------------

i hate using my lappie at home because its so freaking slow, i can't take it. 1 second of the devil beside you show is like taking eternity to load laaaaaaaaaa!! pissed. i think i'm gg to rent movies to watch. haha.. aww maaaaaaaaaaaaan i'm such a loner!!!

cannot make it.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. *shakes head in disgust*

ok.. sooooo.. laureen's monthly birthday celebration has started. please msg her to tell her when u wanna book her to celebrate this joyous occasion. hehehehe. first come first serve basis!!! ROFL.
------------------

having a redang trip meeting later headed by our vey own chairperson liannie. =) so sad winnie's not gg to be thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. =( see la..how many days only and i miss you guys. how am i going to survive the whole of next sem not in hall?!!!! dieded. =(

sigh.. liannie's g back kl tmr.. =(

REDANG FASTER COMMMEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
-------------------

okay. i think i need a job.

thank you for loving me.

somehow, u dun care anymore; and i wonder why.

unless u call/msg me first, i believe its over.

thank you.. for loving me. Really.
---------

thanks five for the company. i appreciate it. =)
---------

so i had my first bday celebration today.. tog with my jie meis. =)

i have a new nike bag!! its lime green and grey! and its so prettttyYYYyYYYy!!!! =)

i love you guys! thanks so much. =)

-------------

fish it! why can't u ppl who 'break up' with me give me legitimate reasons before doing so. i hate all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how could i?

i got more than what i wanted. and that is not what i want!

...

how could i?

i can't believe it! i feel used, misled and misused-literally.

gawd. i feel awful and sinful.

------------------
Dear God.. forgive me; i promise it will never ever happen again.. really. i love you more than anybody else.

for five.

happy birthday heng! (aka five)

lalala.. =) gg back hall later in the day~!

oh!

ling ling was the first to see my red hair. =)

i miss my jie meis. =)

it was a good celebratory day, that day. =)

there are many things that i noe, and ppl don't know. there are many things i want to say, but people don't know. there are many things i want to know, but people don't tell.

i always say that i rather tell ppl how i feel, si that my life wun be like some korean soap opera, which could have ended in 1 episode rather than 130 episodes.

so i tell ppl how i feel, i tell ppl what i know, i tell ppl because i feel transparency between friends are impt. but i also know my limit, ok prob not all the time i noe, prob just 1 or 2 times. the point is.. i know how to think.

sometimes i jst wonder how ppl think, how ppl react and what ppl will say. sometimes, i just feel like i dunno how the world works. all i noe is i live in my own fantasy world, trying to gain favour from everybody- that i dun make any enemies as i live my days one by one.

perhaps the weather is getting to me, i'm feeling sleepy all of a sudden. and i'm just spurting rubbish: but there's just an urge for me to say this out- that even if u dun treat me like one, due to ur whatever pesonal reason that u just havenot told me, i have already treated you like one- which probably explains the way i feel, the way i am, the way i'm reacting.

and as how the characters in PIE are trapped in their own beliefs.. i find myself trapped in mine too.

---------------------

on an another note, i shook teo cheehean's hand like twice yday. hahaa... corn and i wanted to tell him to do sth abt the 403 bus service frequency, but we decided not to, after seeing him in crutches. he talked to us asking if its our first time voting, so while i just kept quiet corn was so enthu replyimg him " YAAAAA!" and i'm like "...". i should have told him i'm hear to prepare myself for the next elections. damn. why didn't i say that.

shall go back hall tmr!! =)

i miss you, and you and you and you and you.. and.. you. =)

i really dun want to think abt it. but somehow, i just wonder..

sigh.

and its driving me crazy- and i think i'm on sensitive mode again.

-------

happy birthday xiang jie!! woohoo!!

wish list..... up! look on left. =)

----------------

17....16.....15... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

missing him

if u keep checking ur phone for smses, even if ur phone doesn't ring. and everytime the phone rings u just repeat his name over and over and over again and sighs when its not him, u sigh.

if u keep thinking if u're getting irritating by msg-ing him, and keep telling urself to not feel this way, to just treat it as if its nothing..

if u just want to see him right now..

- thats when u noe u've fallen into the pit.

home sweet home. =)

not as sweet as i thought it would be actually. sigh. heavy rain the other day, it seems. and the roof leaked. again. not one, not two, but 3 holes!!! ARGH. pissed me off.

so yea. father changed my room lay out, yet again. sigh. and i have to repack all my stuff- in my whole room.=( SO BORING LA.

hmm.. so yea, finished my exams before the rest but i think i quite screwed it, but heck la. i'll study harder next sem. heh.

so i started packing my stuff from hall back home yday. quite sad while doing it. seems like as if i wun be coming back hall at all anymore.. father gave me his word yday, that i can come back the following sem!! yay!! =) yea. u guys heard it here first. hahaah...

so yea.. a date with aunty tmr- need a hair change =) i can hardly wait.

its not really that exciting actually to finish exams first. everybody hasn't!! hai.. waiting waiting..

spent my entire day at home today. it's been one month since i stepped in the house. home gfeels good. mother cooked a lot for dinner just now. =) hehe. feel loved. yay.
-----------------------

sometimes its hard to strike a balance between ur self gains and ur fren's. because you will never know what they are thinking.

hey dude: i miss you. =)

i DIed.

i died in that fna paper.

i totally died.

sigh. at least serene thinks its the "mother of all papers"

i pray that it is and i'm not one of those in the lefties. oh God.. please, no..

oh well.. can't do much now too anyway. i just don't want to do that module again.

can't imagine. i knew i wouldn't cry after the paper. the feeling wasn't there- to cry, that is. but it was near to that limit, i noe. and how did i know?

well, we were watching tv a few min ago, and then the tyrailer of crimewatch came up, it was abt that serial rapist who didn't even let a 69 yr old lady off!! that was all that was needed for me to start crying.

i

was

so

tramautised!!


GaWD!! evil creatures, men are! :(

lets all sigh together.

its sickening when u noe u studied everything abt it, but still not prepared for the exam. because its as if u nv studied anything about it at all! that is so frustrating and i am hence, frustrated.

don't know if i had plan it right, i definitely like the idea of finishing things all at one go, and not having to bother abt it again. (father-trained) but its so sickening to study all at one time. this is crazy. its not like A levels where everything is asked more or less abt the same thing and u have 2 blardy years to revise. this is in wat 12 weeks. dammit. but i'm not complaining (ya rite); uni life is great.

i promise to do better next sem. i think this sem buang already laa.

its not that i want to be pessimistic. i know i wun die, as how as i've been claiming i would like 24/7. and i know that all things work for the good of those who love Him. but i guess i'm just easily influenced by how others feel. aiyah. sian.

i just hope that more than half of ppl taking fna paper this mon is feeling worse than me. i really hope they feel like that.

its so weird how much interest i have for sth, but i just simply can't do well in it. hai. (i think this is the 9834878347278499265433rd time i sighed today)

i can't wait for wed.
-----------------------------

thanks for the tea. thats the first time i really felt happy today! =)

happy 23rd birthday corny-moo-a-moo-a-moo-a-moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....

=)

i'm so full from dinner.. i can puke out a cow.

-------------
and so, the coutdown starts. 30..29..28......

we were the reason

i finally found the reason for living
its in giving every part of my heart to Him
everything that i do, every word that i say
i'll be giving my all just for Him..

we were the reason that He gave His life
We were the reason that He suffered and died
for a world that was lost
He gave all that he could
to show us the reason to live.

and so i pray.. for a guy who will love God more than me.

i pray for understanding and wisdom and i pray against temptation. i pray for your commitment, i pray for ypur relationship with Him.

i love you.. if you love Him.

and i pray.. and i pray...
-----------------
happy 16th, mentoss. =)
happy early 20th, chong chong. =)
-----------------

thank you, Jesus, for taking my place on the cross..

random

ok this is going to be random.

i think guys in collared tees, berms and a pair of nike dunks low are just so attractive.

ok. back to fna.

(i told you it was random)

to all u ppl who think i'm a love sick fool:

think again. i'm stronger than you think i am.

thank you very much.

---------------

stressful week. went crazy. very crazy.

treated myself to a 11 hour sleep on thurs night and after a good session of erm gossip with zhenfeng- hahahaahahah.. which we promised each other it will nv happen again- 8 hour sleep starting from 5 am, although i still feel tired. its time to start the engine and run the race.

13 days. many things to do.. still have projects to do.. revision haven't even started. :(

and i can't wait to act for theatre studies prac!!! the thing is my character says the F word. what should i do man.. i can't change the word. :(

------------
Bring me back to the heart of worship.

blogging is an avenue for ppl to relax and to pass time, esp so after a meal, when u are so darn full, u can't be bothered to do anything else.
-------

too much of a drink i had last night, not enough of water. got a lil dehydrated. throat hurts very badly.drank like 4 bottles of water ever since. should be fine soon.

:D
---------------

going for connie bonnie's 21st party later..i miss connie. :(
---------------

this cup of coffee just doesn't taste like any coffee. Because you made it, its the sweetest i ever tasted. :)

someone remind laureen that patience is a virtue; and prayers make time go faster.
i wonder if we will ever end up together. i still vote your hugs as the wamest ever. :) i'll wait, but dun let me wait too long?

naive

i can't believe i actually thought i could change his world. how naive can i get. sigh. and i thought i've grown to be more matured and sensible. sigh.

i drank my first mug of beer today. i'm sure i took more than 1 mug. i think i took at least 2, because i couldn't stop drinking. not because i'm much of a drinker, but just because i was preparing what was to come next, after our little drinking session.

so i took hold of the opportunity, grabbed every little chance that i had; embraced it with every ounce of energy i had. my heart stopped when you...

nvm. its not that impt, isn't it. just that it was my decent first.

and i sort of think that u robbed me of that.

oh well. what can i say now. now that i learnt the truth.

i smile, thinking of how dumb i am.
----------

as i've said, i am a selfish little girl.

insecure

laureen's having a lot of mixed feelings lately.

and she think she finally found the word to describe wat 89.8% of her mind feels like: insecure.

insecure in almost anything and everything.

i need confirmations.

please get me out of this pithole.

sigh.

---------
many different projects = <5 hours a sleep everyday = irritated laur = very sensitive laur( in all ways possible)

blurbblurbblurb

*blurbblurbblurb*

laureen's drowning.

in projects, assignments, webcast lectures not watched, exam in less than a month's time and the realisation of everybody's birthdays are approaching.

*BLURBBLURBBLURB*

------------------
hmm.. is it right to stay unofficial? *thinks*

u give the warmest hugs. :)

the need to act; the need to perform; the need to fulfill my inner desires, my passion.

that is what i discovered tonight.

my heart bleeds, to know the chance i could have flies away.

but i take heart, to know that one day- somehow or another, i will be up there on stage.
(thanks winnie)

i love my hall seniors-esp don and bona. i admire them for their passion and their beliefs; their commitment and their sacrifice.

i just want to be like them.

and i will be, because He knows.

just takes time, i guess.
--------------

Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands...

:(

sigh.

why should stupid projects pile up at the last min?? this is getting sucky. sian.

i just realised it's a month to the exams and i'm like still quite blur abt almost everything. diedded. see? this is wat u get when u slack off for the first 9 weeks of school. darn.

yday's cmb concert was soooo good!! hmm.. but i didn't really watch it with a happy heart, though. i wished i was performing there as well. i wanted to push the thought aside and just appreciated the efforts of my frens up there, dancing, singing and acting. and i realised i wanted to be up there too.

so since young, i hide behind others. i still do. sometimes i try hard to be someone i want to be, but i'm afraid of the challenges that i face. i left 3 weeks or so. i dun think i'll have any more chances. i shouldn't have rejected my drama opportunity. i shouldn't have wasted my ballet classes when i was young, and i should have taken my piano lessons seriously. whats the use? its all over.

i can't be who i want to be, anymore. my chances are gone. thats so depressing.

i seriously should go and take up some cultural classes in whatever way. i'll prob feel better.

aiyah. i dunno what i thinking la. just that i wish i was a performer.

oh wells.

projects projects projects..........sian diao.

i'm really going to bite you!!!!!!

theatre studies prac

oh! i forgot to tell the world that we did ballroom dancing for theatre studies last week!! haha.. it's so fun!! it is like as if we were one of those couples in the "pride & prej" movie! or whichever 19th century english ball.. :D i like the victorian era! everything is so prim and proper. :D

alrite. anyway, winnie and i had to act for today's prac. haha.. we only stated memorising our lines like last night. and winnie has such a powerful memory. it took her less than 10 in to rem everything. and me? erm.. nvm, shan't disclose. hahaah...

yea!! so we were voted to be the best pair in today's tutorial. haha.. what to do.. we are neighbours lor.. we said our lines from when we started bathing in the toilet to finish bathing, to printing out our props and what not in her room.. plus a few impromtu action which the 2 of us were quite shock at each other. haha.. or rather i think i shock her a lot. haha.. :X , we executed the play really well!! woohOO!! i'm so proud of you, girl!! :D heng we were partners. haha and heng we are neighbours toO!! *smiles*

-----------------------

different actions put together to get different msg. thats what happens when u study theatre. its called the study of semiotics, the science of signs.

An actor has 3 choices: 1. to choose what signs he wants to include; 2. leave out certain signs he doesn't want to include; and most importantly, 3. hierarchise the signs that he is portraying.

otherwise the specatators will not understand what you are trying to present across, because of the mixed up signs!!

so, do u understand what i'm trying to say?

i just realised i have sooo many projects to do. haha.. i can't believe i'm stil laughing. diaos.

IT, marketing, fna, macro.

crap! thats like 4 modules out of 5.

and i have to write a 1600 wd review of a play for theatre studies!

ok. so much for enjoyment of my 8 weeks.

gonna die.

... and i haven't watch movie yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!

and gosh.. its 2 months to my birthday. that seems fast. hmm. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. so old.

the graph

haha.. i just realised a trend in myself. there's always this little obstacle for me to cross before i actually develop feelings for someone. and so.. drawing it on a graph.., it will look like this:







yea. haha.. i'll get really scared like that dip there and then somehow, or anyhow, it will just increase. hahahah..

aiyah whatever la. think i'm going crazy.

--------------------

oh wells. so i survived this day. slowly i guess.

thanks five guy for buying lunch for me and leaving it outside my door. :) thats super sweet. and i really appreciate it. that was when i first actually smiled today. :)

to my darlings in hall.. thanks for ur concern. :)

sorry lianyee for not being able to talk to u when u came in to my room this afternoon.. i just hadn't been able to control my emotions as yet. i hope i erm.. didn't scare u with the tears in my eyes. but thanks for ur love; and assuring me that i always have you to talk to. :)

i'm soooo full from supper..

i hope FNa tmr will be a better one. :)

it is ironic how matters of the heart works.

to make you happy = to destroy and crush your heart.

why why why?

oh wells. better than to make you happy and then grinding up your heart when u've sink much deeper.

but selfish, is it not? to make me fall in love with you, and then break me thereafter?

i'm fragile, my dear boy. i really am.

so tempted to hear ur voice and to see ur smile, carry on wh we left off. but no. 'anchor trap'- damages would be worst.

okok. naive-ness takes over me. it's time to grow up, snap out of it and pray really hard.
----------------

i think i'll breakdown if i see you.

i hate this whole thing..

i hate it.

you just totally broke my heart.

why meddle with it if you know you wouldn't accept?

don't ask me anything about my eyes tmr if u see them puffy and red. i'll totally bite you and chew you to pieces.

chong, please start feeling guilty again.

-------------
there goes my fishes dream. gone. just like that.

fairytales? HA.

i've snapped out of my 'drunken' stupor. :)

thanks to everybody who has been tolerating me. haha..

i'm proud of myself.

:D

i have to study.
-----------

btw, hellp to al the ppl reading my blog. it would be nice if u leave a tag and say hi, you noe. then we can be frens!! :D

*looks at serene and smiles*

it wasn't just abt showing face; it was because i wan't feeling happy. i wanted to talk to you- thats the only reason.

but i dun blame you, because i lied to you. i dun blame you because i didn't tell you beforehand.

i have nobody to blame la. so ya. just not feeling very joyful at this point in time.

-------------

fairy tales are just made up stories to bluff the kids in the world that we can live a perfect life, only if we are good, pretty and have a virtuous character.

in reality, they hardly happen.

why do they ever create illusions in the first place?

i want to grab you and not let go. but i should really wake up.

screw FNA. dammit. whatttever. i just hope i dun do that badly. so much for studying so hard. then again, i was distracted for 1/2 the time, so... alright. i guess i have to study harder then.

----------
i really dunno what to do whenever u are near: part of me wants to grab u and not let go, another part of me says 'no'.

i think i can conclude, ive contracted a terminal desease. and there's a cure.. some where... the side effects of that cure? a broken heart.

i can't make up my mind if i hate or love you.

-----------

She sat on the edge of his bed. while reading her text book, she constanly glanced up just to catch a view of his back, noticing the outline of his back and almost everything about him that she could just absorbed within her.

it was about 4 in the morning.

earlier on, they had gone out with the rest of their friends for a few drinks and some fun. He made her promised him on one condition if he went along: that she stayed up with him while he completed his assignment which was due that morning.

of course, she wasn't as evil to drag him to go, if she knew when it was due. He only disclosed it much later, to her horror.

and so they came back, at 4, as promised. so that he would be able to have time to complete his assignment.

after having taken her bath, she walked towards his room carrying her marketing text in one hand and her purple pillow in the other. " just in case, i get sleepy." she thought to herself.

and when she reached, he was already attempting his assignment, facing the computer with a focus and determined look on his boyish face. he turned around to look at her at the door, smiled and said, " i'll be with you shortly."

"sure," she replied. " you just do your work."

and so she settled on the edge of his bed, which was positioned parellel across the study table of which he was at. In a crosslegged position, she placed her text above the pillow which was on top of her legs. as she flipped the pages of her book, she can't help but realised that she had felt sth for him for a quite a period of time already although she just wasn't sure what it was.

it was about 5 plus when she laid down her pillow on his bed, and curled herself up. she fell asleep not long after.

It was only after 2 hours and the sun was out. she opened her eyes to see him sleeping on his chair. He had used his blanket to cover her- to keep her warm, and sacrificed his bed for her. it was then that, not only did she feel warm physically; emotionally, she felt warmth, and most importantly, loved.

smiling to herself, she closed her eyes and went back to sleep, perhaps life wasn't as cruel to her after all.

----------------

lately, i realised i developed a flair for writing- sth which i always thought i was never capable of. oh wells. haha.. :D

the picture in the wallet

perhaps, i shouldn't have open it.

perhaps, now i know why u can't commit.

i dun blame you. i always thought so anyway, since i always knew i wasn't ur type.

i blame myself. i got into this shit all by my own.

i'm just baffled by your actions; you should have told me earlier. i wouldn't have entered the forest if thats the case. this is just so wrong. =(

and i thought i was selfish.

but, thanks for taking my order. the coffee was sweet; perhaps it was because u appeared. =)

perhaps, i should start thinking again; because, as i said, i won't ask if you won't tell me.
-----------

if you give ur heart to somebody, it simply just means you are ready to get hurt- again.

sometimes, i engross myself with fairytales- that i become naive. i hate myself for doing so.

i'm typing this down because i simply can't concentrate.

i just want you and coffee now. together, please.

today's been really quiet.

and i just can't stop thinking about what u r thinking. i really have no clue.

and it scares me.

ok. i think i'll just shut up. think i'm getting irritating. again. :(

sometimes sensitivity kills me.

-----------

the doctor says, " i'm sorry to inform you, the WWD cells are spreading at an increased rate. i think your WWD has advanced to yet, another stage...."

the other side of me- revealed.

and so, armed with my laptop, my financial accounting text, my favourite puma jacket, my pencil box and calculator, i walked into the biz library feeling so confident and determined to study.

and so, its been about 2 and half hours since i was here. i think my energy and determination has just been drained. siansation.

having had a good 7.5 hour sleep last night this morning, i woke up, feeling driven to accomplish what i set out to do: financial a/cting.

however, instead of hitting my book straight, i ended up at the forum, waiting to get 'SHqueezed' or 'SHquashed' into a small puny toyata dunno wat car. haha.. so we intended to win that $888 by 'SHqueezing' the most number of ppl in to that small damned car. and we all were exhilerated at the record breaking news of 32 people in that freaking tiny car. we thought $888 was ours. we thought so.

however, just an hour ago, it seemed that my very own faculty had broke that record. and the best part is? kenny asked me to join them, but some how, i was with my hall instead.

it hit me then and there, that the attachment i had with my hall and my faculty was of a vast difference. haha. a lot, man.

oh wells, i seriously have no idea why i'm blogging now. should be fna-ing. but i just can't keep awake. i think my energy has been drained in that car. sians. i need coffee. have to grab a can before gg back to hall..

---------------------

and so i stare at ur reflection thru the glass panel.. thinking of our conversation last night.. i wonder what type of a girl do u see in me? it's quite disappointing actually that you wiould have thought me to be sth that is not me.

so many things i want to know, but so many u don't want to disclose. as i said, i wun force, i just want to know...

i smile, thinking of how close you are; and yet i frown, thinking of how far away.

have i ever told u i like your smile?

it is just soooooooo weird to hear or rather read someone describing me as an "incredible girl".

i have erm.. no comments. hahaha.

i din really have much reaction to it at first. and then when it sank in, 'i just stunned'. as i recall wh i was at the time he blogged, i felt evil. indirectly, i broke his heart. i may not know the extent of how much it erm.. broke, but i hope the damages aren't heavy.

but perhaps.. all these shouldn't be happening at all??

sigh. FNA, laur. Fna.

----------
wth. why do i have to go to computing for my test?? and whhhhyyyy must it be on open house day?? dammmit. the mgt sucks.

this dream i had.

we were in an aquarium. there were 3 of us. you, Jackson and me.

as the 3 of us were walking around, getting all excited; i grabbed your wrist exclaiming happily, "look here! this is such an extraordinary fish!" you smiled at me and said nothing. while the 2 of us were engrossed looking at what they called an angel fish; Jackson, who was at the other end of the room shouted," Hey! i'll be here!"

"ok!" you replied as you glanced past ur shoulder, while my eyes were still peeled on the fish tank.

as i watch the angel fishes gracefully 'talking' to each other with their gentle little movements in the water, you suddenly tugged me away from where i was, exclaiming, " you have to see this."

HOwever, this time, you grabbed me- by my fingers. as our fingers met, u gave me a slight squeeze, ensuring that you got me close by ur side. my heart skipped a beat.

you led me over to an array of fish tanks of different shapes and sizes, filled with many tetra swimming together in schoals, as i exclaimed at the sight i had, i just couldn't help but realised that u were still holding on to my hand. you didn't let go; i didn't want to let go either. i've been dreaming of this moment for a really long time, it just didn't seem quite real to me just as yet.

so as both of us bent down, peering into the fish tanks-taking a closer look, thoughts of what you were thinking kept running thru my mind: did you notice you were still holding on to me? or were you engross in the pretty fishes that you didn't noe you were still holding on to me?

"hey guys!" Jackson called, as he walked over.

You turned around and said " yea?", still holding on to my fingers.

" time we have to leave, man.."

" what time is it?" you asked while you stod up straight, i was trying to tip toe, hoping u didn't notice our difference in height- that you would have realised you were holding my hand, so that you wouldn't let go.

" it's 2. we have to leave, come on." Jackson said as he turned around and walk towards the door that had an "EXIT" sign above it.

you looked at me in the eye, gave me an even tighter squeeze, winked, smiled at me and said, "lets go, baby."

to my bro

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO!!

hope u got my card already?? haha..

have a great and beautiful day!!

i love you many many!!!!!!!!

as i read ur posts..

as i read ur blog entries, i have this sudden desire to see you and to hear your voice, as i stare at ur photos, including those we have taken some time back, it stikes me that its been eons since we last met. somehow, i still do think of you.

as i browse thru ur online photo collection, it somehow seems that time has caused the both of us to drift away.. slowly.

i rem i dedicated an entry of my blog to u, just wondering how you are- aloud. i also wondered if it is the things of the world that caused you to have change heart. it hurts me stil, as i think of it. but alas! who am i to you to say what i feel. It may be that u've chosen the right way, and may be that you have not, up to now, i still find your arguements without a significant claim.

somehow, i wish you weren't with her, not that i like you in that sense, but because i like things they were before... because things aren't obviously the same anymore.

father says its the same, but its not the same. what a paradox. i just can't understand why there are so many versions of history. i'm gg to ask God when i'm up there..

and so i pray, i still do. i pray and think, and miss you a whole lot.

---------------------

just spent a blardy freaking 6 hours on my fna. i suck man. totally. sigh. i just dun understand how others can d it so easily, and i can't. its not that i dun have interest in it. i think i'm just too distracted to do fna. i rather write essays. yep u heard me rite:

i hate maths.

-----------------------

oh wells. tests all coming up. this sucks.

my darling winnie and i.

















miss sheares aka nus poster girl aka estherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
"esther so pweetyyyy...."

---------------------------

quite lazy to post more of the pics. haha.. oh wells.

---------------------------

i'm quite confuse; i'm standing in between. i don't know if i should cross over; reverse a bit; or stay where i am? haha...

all i know is.. its to fast to go over, i dun want to reverse, and i'm confuse standing in the middle! how ah?

the dnd pics

ze ming and me.. in his room.. winnie says we look couply. hahahaahah



zhen feng and me.. in ze ming's room. hahahaah



eve and me.. in ze ming's room again. hahah.. eve so preettty!!!



pretty girls of block a: hweeying, lianyee, ernie, eve and me. :)



our(zeming and me) "wedding" dinner



BIMBOS!!!! *rofl. bimbo 1 (colin) and bimbo 2 (me)


hweeying dear and i with our very own mr sheares!! yay!! bona rocks!!



five guy!!!!

my fav pic thus far.... :D winson and me. yay!

okay.. bloogger just killed me.. refuses to post my photos.. part 2 soon!! :D

OH YA!! ernie won N70!!! so happy for heR!!!! haha yay!!

dnd

hmm... dnd yday was great. :)

thank God i have an elder sister. haha, otherwise it would be so hard for me to find clothes to wear. esp on such occasions. haha.. although i really did not like thedress because i think i look fat in it, i'm proud of my accessorising skills. haha.. at least i can improve on my dress with whatever i have at home la... haha.. oh wells.

everybody was so pretty yday!! evelyn should stick to what she wore yday. so sweet!! and ernie was so pretty with her mongolian diamond thingy thingy on her head.. hhaha.. cons look so feminine and pretty.. the dress on her made her look so fabulous. and puay sannie was just sooooooo angelic. :) lianyee looks so beautiful in her satin cyan daniel yam dress. in short, my frens are all so pretty.

:) winnie was so hot and delicious on stage esp during her dance and her cat walking, that she aroused my lesbian tendencies. ahhaahah.. ok that sounded so wrong. BUT WINNIE DARLING, I'M SO PROUD OF U, AND U REALLY LOOK SO HOT YDAY, I BET THE GUYS MELTED WHEN THEY WATCHED YOU DANCE, BECAUSE U ARE JUST LIKE HOW HOT. ok i think i made my point clear enough that WINNIE IS JUST SO FREAKING HOT AND SEXY. haha.. and bona was ultrally dashing. haha.. i'm happy that bona won mr sheares, because he deserves it. and esther aka nus poster girl can just forget abt her wish for an obscure life in NUs. haha.. how can u lead an obscure life if u r nus poster girl and also miss sheares? ESTHER SO PWEEEEETTTTYYYy!!!!!! :)

my contact lens gave me such a big headache yday. i had to apply my eye shadow like countless of times because of my stupid lens that caused me to tear non stop. sigh.

so after the event ended at about 12, colin, wenjie, ernie, eve and myself took a public transport bus down mt faber, instead of the bus the hall rented, to get colin's car at haboufront carpark.

eve, ernie and i decided on anothger chilling trip at chijmes. haha.. winnie was too tired to go, and connie had no money to go (like as if i have), i managed to pull winson and five guy to go with us. haha.. and of course, came with a price, promised winson i'll stay up with him till he's done with his lab. OF WHICH, he didn't tell me till we were in the cab that he had to hand in his lab assignment at 6 am that morning. the time then in the cab? 2 30 am. *FAINTED*

so we went to chijmes, we ordered a jug of i dunno what i drank also, haha.. and we just started talking about ecverything and anything. haha.. from junior college stuff to mosquitoes. haha.. took a number of pics there before we left again in a cab. time we left chijmes: 4 30.

so. we reached hall at abt 5, feeling so guilty, went over to winson's room after i bathed. since i promised. haha.. so i read my fna while he struggled with his lab. read till i fell asleep. haha.. only woke up at about 7 plus. haha..

well.. just had breakfast not too long ago. and i'm freaking tired now. haha. from the looks of it, i dun think i'll wake up till evening. haha.. so i'll just go take a long nap now.. photos to load soon!!

-----------------------
btw, WINNIE IS SOOO HHOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!!

:) i'm happy now. :)

tmr's dnd!! haha.. gg home this evening.

note to self:

bring the camera and pray that it works!!

ooooooooooooooooo.. so exciting!!

--------------
it's a rollercoaster ride.

i'm sorry.

i'm turning evil again.

i hate myself sometimes, i just can't make up my mind.

i'm afraid i may be sending out the wrong signals, signals that seem to be right before.. before i had this feeling again; but now it just seems wrong. i have no idea how to face you.

it is because you are just too sweet to me, that i can't seem to reciprocate it at the same level.

i'm sorry. i'm sorry for being selfish. sorry for not being sure of how i feel towards you before acting the way i am. sorry for being such a bitch.

give me time to pray- no, give us time to pray.

and once, i'm over with my battle, i'll let you noe. just as i've promised u.

its still possible, but let me confirm with my feelings. its getting too fast, and i can't catch up.

i'm sorry. please forgive me.

i'm just not as angelic as you think i am...
---------------

the flesh vs the heart

congrats yvonne and minnie to ur grades!!

i told u 2, u can do it!! esp minnie.. dunno who was so sure won't get 4 A's. haha...

hmm.. ling's a level cert still with me. hahah..
--------------

eh so sad la.. with regards to my previous post, nobody wants to say anything to me if i had only 15 sec left in this earth?

gee.. :(

so saddddddd!!!

haha.. i just received an sms..

it says " if i have only 15 secs to live, what would you say to me in those 15 sec."

what would you say to me?

headache

things are all happening and gg so fast, its causing me not to be able to do what i like to do best: sit and reflect on each issue i face.

i can type a whole long paragraph regarding what i'm facing now, only if i know how to phrase it in words. but the thing is that i can't seem to find the words because my head hurts and i can't match my emotions to words. i think i can show them out by facial expression though.

i would love to spend my whole day blogging abt the many things in my life, but somehow got no time la. :(

i think i need sleep. my head is killing/spinning.

i would really love fna if i can discipline myself to sit down and strat understanding wth is gg on in lecture.

-------------------
if the world caved in ard me, to you i still hold on.

so lets just wonder again.. why do people have different opinions regading the same matter?

But i really appreciate it.. reallly.

a quick one.

mmm.. yep.

just had dinner with chong. haha.. i think he looks much younger. he doesn't look like the big and scary chong i used to know when we first became friends. how surprising to find that he talks so much now to me as compared to when we first met by the river. haha.. thats good, chong. keep it up. haha.. i enjoy your company totally!! :) ( ok la prob the treat was the main reason... nah! kiddinG! haha)
----------------------------

wells, sch starts again after a week's break of mid term. have yet to start doing my tutorials. i'm just getting afraid of how time passes so fast.. and i keep worrying how little days i have left at hall.. and everytime i'm reminded of it, i feel so sad and depress.

i think God sent big Jason to remind me just now-when i met him in the bus to hall, to treasure the days i have left here. haha.. so intersting how God uses people to talk to u abt anything and everything. its more amazing for those who doesn't noe that they are being used by God. haha..

just to set the record straight.. its not just financially that i'm not being able to stay in hall next sem, its mainly because of my lazy sister who, i have no idea why, just refuses to concentrate and study; and the whole family cannot tutor her except me. sigh.

life is just the way it is. all in all, i love my sister a lot. sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.

oh wells. anybody wants to tutor for free?


-----------------------------------


JULIET
Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face,
Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek
For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night
Fain would I dwell on form, fain, fain deny
What I have spoke, but farewell compliment!
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "Ay,"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove false; at lovers' perjuries
They say, Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo,
If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully;
Or if thou think'st I am too quickly won,
I'll frown and be perverse, and say thee nay,
So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world.
In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond,
And therefore thou mayst think my behavior light,
But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true
Than those that have more coying to be strange.
I should have been more strange, I must confess,
But that thou overheard'st, ere I was ware,
My true love's passion: therefore pardon me,
And not impute this yielding to light love,
Which the dark night hath so discovered.


-Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare

the words of Juliet are thou mine own.
----------------------------------------

It tutorial time. eeeeeeee.....

laur misses bro. :(

surrender.

i surrender.

i think it hit me. and i think it hit me more than it hit you. either that, or my arrow is deeper than yours, because i think i erm.. diagnosed with the early stages of WWD. haha.. i think its the suit.

oh wells. prob i thought too ahead. quite scared. dun really noe my position...i'm afraid. what's your next step?

i dun blame you if you dun understand. :)

jealousy.

i just read someone's blog.

it warms my heart to see these little couples in love with each other.

i sense a tinge of jealousy, and i sound really old. hmmm..

hahaha.. so cuuuuuuuuute.

that road u led

perhaps, i have thought too much. and i thought more than wat u think.

i don't know where this road goes, and i'm afraid.

there are no lights to guide the long, rocky pathway, no passerbys- no one around. all i see are trees- tall, strong, oak trees which has been here for centuries; their leaves rustle in the wind, producing ghostly sounds. everywhere is dark. i can hardly see what is ahead of me, but i can feel hundreds of eyes peeled on me, watching my every move, my every step.. besides the crunching of the dried leaves beneath my shoes, i can hear them breathing; breathing hard and fast. my own heart beating, my pace quicken.

i shiver to know i'm alone.

and the scariest part is: you don't know that you took my hand and led me here. In a flash- without warning- u vanished; and now i'm stuck in this long winding pathway trying to find my way out- alone.

and that hurts.

i want a day of relaxation.

a stomy day spent with coffee, and a book; or a whatever day with coffee/ice cream with my frens; a beautiful day for shopping with unlimited cash; a sunny, breezy day at a beach.

just one out of any of the 4 days. give it to me.

i want a day of relaxation.
-----------------

i'm starting to get all sentimental altogether again.

my blog . now, is so public, that i can't blog whatever i want now because of different people who read it.

oh dear. :(

i like the way u wink at me. it makes my heart flutter..

wondering out loud.

Sometimes, i just wonder how the world works.

i wonder what people think. i wonder why we all have different opinions regarding the same issue. i wonder what causes that.

i wonder why things seems to be so complex when it is actually really nothing. i wonder why people make a big fuss over something that is so puny.

i wonder why life seems to be so exciting for some, and depressing to others. i wonder why can't people be optimistic altogether instead of being pessimistic altogether.

i wonder why people emphasise on their careers and neglect their family. i wonder why after all these true life stories and tv drama serials that are suppose to create an impact on people's lives, doesn't take effect at all. i wonder what goes thru the minds of the people when they read/watch these stories.

i wonder how out heart and mind works, and i wonder how we reach to a decision. i wonder how love enfolds and i wonder if it lasts. i wonder if i'm doing the right thing and i also wonder how i feel because i have no clue on how i'm feeling. i wonder whether i have any feelings.

i wonder how people percieve problems and how they base their judgement on. i wonder how people choose the right solution to solve their problems

i wonder why i'm still blogging and wondering when i'm gg to be late for chingay performance.

sometimes.. i just wonder.