so its about compromise.

we use the word very frequently nowadays. we use it between 2 or more parties to reach to an agreement.

this year, 2008, i've compromised quite a lot in a number of different matters.

during Christmas, i had an epiphany, if you will: that God did not compromise his love for us when He came down. He didn't go:

"yup, so lets compromise. so My Son has to shed some blood, in order to get all you people up in heaven with Me again, so instead of crucifying him on the cross, with that nail-pierced hands, and feet; let's forget that crown of thorns too... I think thats really painful. lets just use a needle and prick his finger.. ok? tell Pilate to have the punishment meted out like that"

so... compromise. why should we compromise God for other things?

---------

looks like i'll be gg out afterall.

happy new year, all! :)

have a smashing, blessed one. :)

last day of the year, again.

one year ago, jamie and i nearly died. hahaha.. we could be illegal immigrants if we went back to sweden. haha

oh well. thank God we had a safe return.

this year's concluding message could be in a word and a shape:

"compromise" and a circle.

since i doubt i'll be out tonight, i'll leave the long post to later.

i'm getting darn lazy nowadays. =/ but yea. i'll write it later

Dear Students,

I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected for admission to the Bachelor of Business Administration Honours course with effect from Semester 2 of the 2008/09 academic year.

As you have already filed for graduation and will be graduating by the end of Semester 1, 2008/09, I would appreciate if you can let inform me of your decision on the offer latest by Monday, 29 December 2008

Thank you

christmas is here again. one year ago, aya, yiwen and I marveled at the majestic Eiffel tower; we had lunch with paris most handsome guy, victor. haha and we were in awe of how the tower lighted up.

we spent christmas at disneyland the next day. though we didn't understand almost anything the park said (cos it was french), we definitely had a magical one.

eiffel tower. disney land. paris. christmas. 2007.

this year, I'll be spending christmas with friends and family. as we grow older, we only learn to appreciate the real meaning of christmas. it is all about 'giving with love'.

i owe you a christmas post besides this. i have a lot in my mind. but now, i have to pack my stuff for an overnight stay this christmas- a night filled with love, laughter, music, friends and drinks.

but before i hit 'publish', here's a mail forwarded by mother this morning. made me develop a different perspective to this song: "12 days of christmas"

MIRACLE LIFE MINISTRIES INC AND
MIRACLE LIFE MINISTRIES ASIA
with
Prophet Rusty Russell

We will be making a conscious effort to wish everyone
a Very Merry Christmas this year ...
Our way of saying that we are celebrating
the birth Of Jesus Christ.


A Bit of Christmas Carol Trivia:

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SONG
REALLY MEANT?

I for one have found the endless singing of the 12 Days of Christmas to be rather annoying until one of my good friends, Freddy Hoe from Singapore, sent me the history and the reason for this song:

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were
not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone
during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics.
It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning
plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church.. Each
element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality
which the children could remember.

-The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.

-Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.

-Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.

-The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.

-The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.

-The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.

-Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit--Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.

-The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.

-Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.

-The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.

-The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.

-The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

So there is your history for today. This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol...

Have A Merry (Twelve Days of) Christmas Everyone!


merry christmas, all! :) have a blessed one.

okay.

just when i was about to type a long good post, dad is back with our dim sum lunch.

HAHAHA

ok later.

in the midst of my hiragana, i was fb-ing, and i just felt something that i feel so strongly for.

i typed it out... but i deleted it.

somehow, I just feel that I really need to go back to my basics. i need to depend on him wholly like how i used to before.

-----------

school is coming to a complete end, this monday.

katakana, next.

i forgot i have to study.

haha..

oh well. what a crazy week.

i realise i just can't find time to write a good post. maybe soon.

anyhow, yong yong, i hope you enjoyed your birthday.

thanks all who were part of my video, present, dinner and help!

it is 7 am. the last time i closed my eyes was at 3 30 pm and i think i only slept for 15 min. and i woke up at 830 yday.

oh my. amanda, please call me quick. i really need to sleep.

just have to entertain myself somehow somewhere, otherwise i'll be falling asleep already. i just loaded facebook photos. sheesh.

so, that is the end of school. =/ feels weird. like no more school. yea. i dun know.

sigh. after 2 more exams, that would be the end of school officially. =/ hmm

ok i am this close to dozing off. oh my. :(

come on amanda, u have to be up by now! okok play game play game

oh oh! but before i go, i just have to post this up!


oh i didn't know i didn't press publish.

but yay! she called!

watched avenue Q today.

it was alright. though i'm glad i didn't watch this in London. i'ld rather pay more for a classic, although i didn't pay full amount for this ticket anyway. =x

but there goes the association of innocence and sesame street characters.

quite sad about that though. haha.. but oh well, broadway is art; and art knows no boundaries.

art knows no boundaries, but our minds do have boundaries. its just a matter of how much u can push these boundaries, and that is how much u can accept the art piece.

and that explains the popularity of certain art pieces because people have different boundary limits.

itsuxtobeme

corn and i just finished this tv movie thing on hallmrk channel. and i'm totally freaked out.

group of 14 year olds being sexually active and getting syphilis and all is seriously... unthinkable.

i'm feeling quite disgusted now. i'm sorry.

i could type a whole long post about my past week and how crazy my life's been till i grew a pimple in my eye.

it freaking hurts. :(


but anyway, i think that recalling the events would only make me feel more pek chek, so i decided against it.

i hardly blog sensible things lately.

anyhow, my attempt to conserve my limited pairs of contact lens have seem to be justified then.


avenueQ!! here i come! :) can'twaittttt!!!!

i tell you.

it is my last sem in school, and this is my last marketing project.

and i am freaking so gonna get an A for this module and nobody from anywhere in the world will stop me from getting it.

yup. ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD.

just need to write down some where that i'm damn bloody emo now.

its just one of those times when i remembered reading about a blog post of me.

"we argued, and as usual, you always win"

that sentence, since then, has been in my mind everytime i have an argument with someone close. and i laugh at the irony of that sentence.

i remember telling Clara, a decade back, that whether or not i'm right or wrong, all you have to say is 'sorry' and the argument resolves and it just passes. it doesn't matter if i was really in the wrong or right. and it really didn't matter if justice is served.

why?

because i felt that keeping a friendship is more important to me than to have cold wars and such.

a decade later. i regained what i would now deem as a human right.

i argue. and i only say sorry when i'm all calmed down and when i think i really committed something wrong.

and perhaps i can put the past all behind me if the other party also understands on my side why i think he/she has committed wrong to the whole issue as well.

the thing is, i don't expect to win at all.
i just want you to look on things at my side, that I did look at things on your side.

and don't shout at me.

don't.

and ya, ok fine. ron helped with the word 'rain' in the poem.

just the word 'rain'.

the rest is my OWN effort.

wahaha

I was just looking through facebook (as usual).

and i chanced upon some of my uni friends exchange photos.

and so i viewed their album.

seems that to lead their kind of lifestyle in Europe, i definitely have to work extremely hard.

hmmm. then again, i wear t shirts and shorts to school.

maybe it won't affect me much.

a hostelite remains as a hostelite forever.

that sentence doesn't really sound very good.

ok need to change from being one.

------------

japanese lessons have become tougher after the mid term break. not too sure what the heck is going on now.. but i hope i'm at least on the wave. can't talk fluently and smoothly, for the life of me. need to train more during dates, i guess.

friday night was just great. finally, a night when i could relax. relax relax relax. :)

beer, man, friends, laughter. oh and free chips. wahaha

but such friday nights affect my saturdays. need to do sth about that.

brain is not really functioning very well these days.

i hope someone calls me up for interview soon!

---------

ron sai is 1 month. tsk tsk so fast.
i'm graduating in 1.5 months. tsk tsk so fast.

happy 22nd birthday, jasmine and troy! :)
love you 2 (and the other 2 as well) very very much! :)

My Sun

You shine your ray of brightness through the windows to my soul.
You make life so colourful, i want the whole world to know.

You wrap your arms of warmth and love around my small sized frame.
You hold my hand and walk with me when'ver it starts to rain.

You give the gift of life and thus, restored my dying soul.
You make me feel so happy, i'm so glad i have found gold.



--------------
happy buaya week, everybody!

i am emoing over something small.

and it makes me think if i'm emoing over sth so small, how can i handle bigger things?

and then i emo again.

just have to keep reminding myself: this is mylast semester!!

PLAY, laureen, PLAY!!!

screw all of you stupid modules!

(except product and brand, cos its my fav, and OB cos u are my core.)

Matthew 5: 29-30

If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

i've always thought God was joking when he said these verses. but in true fact, he was emphasizing the seriousness of committing sins.

have you ever experienced those times when u did something and then u regretted it? best, u kept on doing it, and the guilt comes back and perhaps, goes away as fast as it comes?

chop off your arm , or gourge out your eye: your problem will be solved.

while he slept, she went out to the rooftop.

she stared at the glass of orange juice in her hands, and she realised what was wrong: he can never understand her point of view, her opinion and the way she does things.

what should she do?

if i ever see that pink dolphin mascot, i will run up to it....

and sit on it.

oh my... the thought of it.

oh... the throat. :(

am i still called special?

bear with me everybody.. i'm reaching the stage where i'm sick of myself.

it is all going to be over.

--------

gawd. i seriously need to sit down and do work

I was just about to start on my product mgt assignment, the one that i've been trying to start for a very long time, (yes, that one) when i decided to just check my facebook updates first.

I logged on facebook, and realised i've got new wall posts.

i replied to 1 or 2 of my wall posts when almost immediately yingming msned me.

yep, he got it alright. :) happy and sad for him at the same time. haha

he asked me if i was in hall.

sigh.

anyway, it just kicked off this whole "walk down memory lane" thing in my head. for the past year, how i miss this goup of seniors. hmmm. and i think of k lo. wahaha.

anyhow, the lane continued with the events that we've been having on the roof top for the past 3 years and oh gee, harold, aaron, serm, siew wen and all starts appearing in my mind.

how i miss all of them.

it is just so weird... u spent 3-4 great years with people whom u see more than your family in a year. and then when the time comes, they disappear and a new batch of people occupy their rooms. Then there are new people who repeats the cycle all over again.

But the point is.. when will you see them again? will you ever see them again?

I mean, if you are lucky, you get to see serm crossing the street with a girl and no matter how loud u scream "SERM!!!" he just ignores you till u scream "KELVIN TAYYYYY!!!" and he gives you the sheepish face. But how often is that...

sigh. i'm getting emo again.

it doesn't seem like i'll do much for my proj today again. (Yes, that project)

-------------

5th week and i'm still complaining. think ron sai is right.. i've become whinier than the whiny girl. oh dear.

i'm getting emotional these days.

just watched king kong and i feel damn emotionally disturbed right now: the giant cockroaches, the millipedes... oh my goodness, shut up, laureen.

beautifully directed; naomi watts is a classic, a beauty, a talent.

i like to put myself in the shoes of the lead actress, and wonder what would i do if i were her.

...gawd, lets change the topic.

just another show that says u don't need words to understand whats going on: the sweetest form of communication one can ever have.

--------

the children are dwindling. should we focus on the current ones we have, touch new lives, or find the old ones back to have a second attempt?

if all will just understand that unity is the key, it doesn't matter if you are doing or i am doing it; as long as we know someone is doing it, lets focus it on someone else whose life needs to be touched.

sometimes, i honestly don't understand why we continue doing certain things: but i guess it just means we aren't losing it to the devil- and it also means we are fighting the battle.

---------

I thought i just needed some time to get over the issue- but it has been a few weeks, and i'm still not over it.

i got to put an end to it. its killing the relationship i have with certain people.

.... but they will never really understand my point of view.

maybe i just need to cry and just freaking get it out of my system. hopefully i'll feel better after that.

--------

stop freaking remind/ask me why i'm not staying in hall anymore

i met jon this afternoon.

shared with me his drama life story. to summarise, God has it all in his hands.

i can't believe that dude does so much for a girl- honestly, he really spoils market. I told him to contact kenneth and share some of his stuff.

then again, i think jon doesn't want to lose his world record.

hahaha...

watched wall e yday night. its just gonna be those rare nights that we will ever have from now on.

wall e speaks volumes- of environment, of life, of hope and of love.

the story line was simple; to the extent that it became quite lame. but what really stood out from that movie is that you don't need words to make a movie. it can just be actions and scenes, but u will know exactly how wall e is feeling and what he wants to do.

the movie bring us all back to what its like when you first set your eyes on someone.

thats just the movie we all need once in a while to remember not to take the other for granted, and back to day 1- the day we fell in love.

sweet. :)

today i spent 3 freaking hours writing a sentence i copied off my notes.

this is bad.

i can't wait to learn how to write everything in japanese.

-------

i must not let those immature thoughts override any other sense of logic that I currently have now in my oh-so-tired head.

need to be objective. need to stay focus. need to understand. need to stop whining.

but it really is killing me....

---------

私の思考をもう読まない
thank God for available tools.

a chance for one to step up with 11 others.

why ain't anyone taking it up?

SH, please give him back.

...i've already given him to you for the past year.

RETURN HIM TO MEEEEEEE!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

silly little girls' dreams.

thats what i entertain these few days- of happy endings, of love and of forever.

and then i tell myself to snap out of it.

thats when you know you've grown up.

------

need to get back to blogging. 2 reasons:

1. it cleanses the soul, i tell you.
2. i lost my fans.

haha

happy birthday, ron sai!

Happy birthday, Concy boncy!

she likes to play in the sand: the sun, the cool breeze and the gentle splashing of the waves onto land.

when she was young, she took a sturdy tree branch and she shoved it right down the sand- with an equivalent strength akin to an astronaut planting his flag on the moon. She took that branch, that now looks like a pole, and with all her might, drew a line parallel to the sea.

She smiled, and walked away.

a decade later, she returns to the exact same spot. the line has long been erased off by the world: time, wind and the rising sea level.

but the "pole" is still there. and it stands tall- in the waters.

so she looked at it, and decided to leave it for another year.

1 year after, she returned. she noticed that the pole is no longer stuck firmly into the ground as it was as near to being uprooted. And at that opportune time, she witnessed the pole, carried by the waves, drifting away from land.

without thinking, she kicked off her shoes and went straight into the water. as she focused on the drifting pole, she had no idea that she had waded far too deep.

It was only when she noticed that her feet were no longer touching the ground, and it was a futile effort- she turned back and tried to return to the shore.

but the potent combination of the powerful tide, the water current, her poor vision and the thunderous rainclouds that were almost ready to explode- left her feeling hopeless and useless.

As she struggled for air, she did the only thing she could still do: closed her eyes and prayed.

---------

too much sadness in a day

yesterday, we attended this networking event.

OUt of all the recruiters, there was one particular one which I had a different conversation with- he asked me if i was in the council, involved in the community.

And then he shared with me that he is barely 30 and he's already married with a 2 year old son.

"Before i graduated."

"God's in charge: when its right, its right."

yday, God used him to tell me something He has always been telling me- sth that i keep on forgetting:

it's all in His timing.

.. and God speaks to me using anyone from anywhere....

am i really very selfish?

but all i'm doing is fighting for my rights.

but is it really my right?

am i really very selfish?

1 year ago, 1 year after

it has been 1 year since jamie and i were stranded in copenhagen airport, with our 30 ++kg luggages, not knowing what to do.

1 year ago, i was young

1 year ago, i was naiive

1 year ago, i was waiting to run away from all of it.

*

1 year after, i'm more street smart

1 year after, i've become more adventurous

1 year after, i'm optimistic

1 year after, i'm independent

1 year after, i'm more experienced

1 year after, i've travelled to 11 countries

1 year after, i made so many friends all over the globe

1 year after, i made 4 darn good friends that will be for life

1 year after, i've "become cuter"
( -.- but i don't want to be cute. -.-)

1 year after, i'm missing what i went through 1 year ago.

sometimes i really hate myself.

if i could come up with an analogy to describe myself, i will say i work like how branding works: i view myself of a certain level; i know i'm up to that level, but in true fact, it just requires so much more of me to reach that level.

i really want to apply for that position in London. but i'm just so scared to do it. i know, i may not get it even if i apply, but.. what if i get it?

sometimes, i just wonder what is it that makes me feel the way i feel- can it be because of my upbringing, or its just innate in me that i just feel so vulnerable when i'm pushed into new surroundings that i just shut off. it is that self condemnation that overrides my logical thinking, and my confidence level just drops.

i hate being not confident- something that i thought i have already overcome. i hate being timid and scared just like a naiive immature girl who knows nothing of the world. most importantly, i hate myself even more when i know God is there and i still think i can't do it.

argh. i suck. i think i can't fulfill my ambition.

sometimes, i really hate myself.

i went out with the 4-1 yesterday. haha.. celebrated celest birthday. hope she's pleased.

jasmine says i write in codes- and i can't deny that, because yes, i write in codes. feels quite bare to write them down explicitly nowadays, if you know what i mean.

anyways, was late yday in meeting troyzie. because i just couldn't press the stop button while watching the other boleyn girl.

its a show that brings up the issue of women, power, family, love, royalty, conforming, religion and desire.

and of course, the 'vs' of the issues.

the show illustrates that without power, a woman can be manipulated, and easily forgotten. A woman with power, on the other hand, manipulates. However, more importantly, she loses the battle ultimately.

that was in the year 1852.

after women rights and all that kinds of connected protests, march, etc. are women really free from the dominance of men?

no.

we are still their slaves- slaves in love and in occupations.

they claim equal rights, but...

sad, sad. the cursed fate of women.

just a thought, which need not be elaborated.

yes, a code, you say: a code.

its either i'm pmsing, its true, we've reached the stage or i can't take it anymore-

conniving.

having done an interaction internship, i have realised the importance of blogs.

it is not so much of telling the world how my day went, or my opinion of how a certain person behaves. but rather it is about making myself connected to the world, at hand.

i'm waiting for mr guilliaume to invite me for my next project.

so mother waits together with me. :)

----------

i'm quite certain facebook has sth against me.

alright. so what should i do today? hmmm..

holidays rocks. but accomplishing sth else seem to rock more. hahaha

arghhhhhhhhh. i'm not making sense.

internship ends.

job offers.

rocks. :)

--------
smelly chewy is in edinburghhhhhhhhh. jealous jealous jealoussssssssssss!!

haha.. enjoy yourself chewables! :)

samsung tocco, come to mama.

i use to say " i wish i was a boy"

till today, perhaps i changed my mind.

a man has to tolerate, while a woman can just cry.

today is the day when God answered one of my prayers.

:) i'm glad we are still in God's zone.

-------

bintanbintanbintan!

meeting aya today brought back floods of memories.

europe europe europe. :)

its amazing how we still wear the same blue colour every time we meet. :)

i just had to browse through all the photographs....

---------

ron chan yong heng: i can't believe i'm gg to take an exam. wth. so much for not wanting to take any more exams in my life. goodness. end so late some more.. gross like siao.

feels good to stay at home the whole saturday. :)

rearranged the table top. everything looks good, and ready for my last semester of school.

attended AdTech last thurs and Fri, although all sessions talked about the same thing, -.-" i learnt a few things relevant to life.

All of a sudden, marketing has now taken on a whole new level. Branding in social media, is such an important topic.

i am gonna ace this report.

---
Things to do: need to fix the 'server not found' problem.

oh! the light! the air! the freedom!!

:)

wireless in pasir ris, here we come. :)

Always Be My Baby

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be apart of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby


-------

tonight, i fell in love all over again. :)

its been a long time.

22nd was great. it was in 5 parts! :)

and 22nd seals the deal- the life ambition deal.

internship is half over- still struggling to find my footing, but maybe it is ok to lose this one?

need my freaking pay.

dinner. :)

Today was more than great.

It wasn’t so much about the award winning flaming prawns they ate or the tea they sipped. Rather, it was what of their $15 budget that made each other smiled.

It was a touching piece. If not for the environment, she would have teared. The bad grammar made her smile. And nothing tops the blue bear with the familiar tummy symbol.

Now in the comfort of her own room, sitting on a bed she hardly slept in the past year, she flipped the pages of what has become the most treasured object in her life. She stared at each sentence and each picture of each page of the album. And then she began to think back: It’s been 1 year.

She never imagined how on earth how can she ever make a man fall in love with her. She never believe she could have the powers to seduce- not physically- a man into her net, or so he calls it. She always lusted for it- the feeling of being loved, being cared for, being protected. And it seems to her that the desire has been quenched in the past year, and she has found more than satisfying this lust- she could love, care of, and protect him. It wasn’t so much about being obliged to do so, in reciprocal of the action; rather, it was of a compelling action- something she was more than happy to do. He was more than a handsome rocker- he was her boy whom she love every thing about him: his eyes, can be so deceivingly innocent, that she loves it whenever that big round pair stares into hers; his hands, though small, are quick with strings, and the sound of the strings in the air- oh! how it pleases anyone’s ears!; his lips are… indescribable, it puts a smile on her face and she has perhaps added a new activity under her hobby list- an activity which requires no amount of money; and who can ever forget his buldging tummy, which she has long included in her hobby list- another “no cost involved” activity.

His belief in her, made her who she is today.

The past year has been so different for her. He made her feel beautiful: He is her angel, her light, her life.

officially, the last night in hall.

:) Good night Pals.

its time to pack and move on with life.

i got my intership.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!

*jumps around

i think i shall strive not to have any exams next sem.

AYA NAGASHIMA!

PLEASE TAKE 'EXTRAZZLY' GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF! IF NOT, I'M GOING TO YOUR HOUSE TO... hmm.. i don't know. i'll do something, i'm sure.

take care woman. i love you! exam end when. call me.

muacks

these few days has really been a roller coaster ride. My emotions have peaked and crash as fast as how gravity would allow it.

the power of prayer. That is how great it is. keppel and caterpillar both on the same day! :)

God works in mysterious ways that you and i can't fathom. everything suits his bigger picture, so we just have to wait and see.

you have no freaking idea how happy i am to see you so happy.

of course, its not a confirmation, but i'm sure u will get one of it.

you know why? because i'm praying.

who needs that contact lens company. hahahahaha

Thank you, God.

i am so disgusted. so so SO disgusted. with the way people think and write. how low their emotional intelligence is, how insensitive their feelings are.

as much as you hate, dislike, distrust the person, there is simply NO reason for you to put him down to such an extent.

It's not that i know everything. all i know is everybody has feelings and a limit. And his limit has been stretched far too much.

PLEASE, i beg you. Stop torturing him. PLEASE.

"HEY!"

"hey babe! how've you been?"

"great! just went shopping! eh.. ask you.. have you though of which hall to apply to?"

"hall? dunno leh.. so many to choose from. u choose already?"

"i went to google all the hall's names lor.. see which one will give me a positive hall experience"

"then.. what did you find out? share leh"

"there's this hall, the blog title is positive experience leh. but then the authors of that blog all damn depressing. dunno what they talking, but they don't sound very happy."

"huh.. our uni life must be exciting leh. people say uni life is the best time of their lives!"

"exaccctly! so i think we can rule that hall out now la hor?"

"ya ya ya..."

reflecting on what has happened today.

lost the competition to a 1 man team. but after 1 day of being irritated about it, i'm fine, and although we still have no idea what his product was, i believe he deserved it. well, at least we didn't lose it to some other university.

Mec called! interview either this or next week. Highly likely i'll get it since i'm the only candidate. haha really want to thank God about it. :)

i guess its one of those nights morning that i'm still up. :)

happy birthday Cornnie moo! :)

lalala...

sigh.

as a friend, sympathy/empathy/whatever is an understatement.

being active, is one thing. but do you think that that is the first thought an outsider has in mind as he reads it?

please la. low cognitive thinking. low motivation, ability and opportunity leads to low effort to process such info. you think will infer until so much? don't be stupid lah. wah lao.

all of you should take consumer behavior module to graduate.

thats the end of the spirit if you ask me. destroyed by the very few people who have low EQ.

what? i'm entitled to free speech too.

----------

a person with the passion is now reduced to someone who just wants to get out of it.

tragic

-------

no words can just describe how disappointed I am about you. you lack attention, find me la! i give you all the attention you want. stop making a fool out of yourself.

i never felt happier before. :)

i'm going to kick ass. u wait and see.

long chat. shared how i felt.

fairy tales don't exist. this is reality- there's imperfections in everything.

but opinion towards you remains the same: you're my fren, my brother, my number 1 fan. :)

hell week is almost over. and i'm glad i'm still surviving.

Had my last presentation of the semester this morning. And i realised it would be the last lesson i will ever have with my good ol' buddy youjie. although i try not to think about it, but my last sem's classes will not be the same without that morbid, pessimistic, horrifying comments that i hear every 5 min.

he drove, and we went to holland v for lunch.

"we should have done this more often."

----

i just took my bath, after senior's farewell concert.

i remember oh-so-vividly how we were the ones who organised it, and how i was so stressed up that semester. I remember the work sessions, i remember the laughter, i remember siew wen's famous photographs and i just remember every single senior then. I remember having the thought that when it was my turn to bid farewell, i too, will have my year 1 pics right up there, and people will just witness how i've grown, how i matured.

and today, i got to experience just that. no, i'm not gradding in a few weeks time, but i certainly am from hall this semester, and from school, this year. it made me think of the past few weeks how i badly wanted to graduate, to start earning money and climb the corporate ladder. But as i brushed my teeth just now,i stared into the mirror, turned around and look at the cubicles behind me. i thought of the fun and the freedom that i'll miss, and my heart starts to ache as i feel the tears that well up my eyes.

just a few weeks ago during the orange awards that winnie said something that everybody thought obvious, but I thought it was really something to give more thought to: life is made up of memories.

And in this context, how true it has turned out to be.

from the immature, young naive girl i was that i've stepped into SH, i daresay i've grown to be a woman of ambition, maturity and realist. No longer do i believe in the result of fairytales, but in the way the world works. I've gone through heart aches in relationships- and i thank God for them who forced me to grow up- and definitely found someone who i truly love and loves me back.

SH taught me to develop the real me, a chance i'll never get if i traveled from home. I learned how to have my own views; how to think by my own. i developed my interest, and no words can express the appreciation, the chance i could never had, on stage, as a different character, a different person- to leave 'laureen' behind and be 'phoebe'. SH gave me a chance to dance, to really dance- be it chingay or mentally, as i dance for freedom, or just being me.

Block A has been my home for 4 out of the 6 sems in my varsity life, and in the last 2 sems, i've stayed in hall over weekends, perhaps more than any other local acer. I've learnt how to cook, learnt how to use the darn washing machine and the dryer. I learnt what it meant to have a room on my own.

Most importantly, block A taught me the importance of friendship. the bonds that i know will still exist 10, 20 years or even more than that, in future. Friends who encouraged, who shaped my life. Friends who gave me a direction, an advice, a smile. Friends who saw beyond me, and pushed me on stage. Friends who believe in me.

the image of the video: the lobby, the mirror area, the comm hall, the mpsh, the different angles and rooms of our beloved block.

Thank you. Thank you, SH, thank you Block A. Thank you friends who i dearly love, thank you for letting me find my true self.

Thank you block comm, for our 'examination results', a 'qualified juggler' shirt, a video, and a beautiful night.

thank you for the effort and the love. it meant the world to me.

if anyone was to ask me which years are the most memorable in my life, it is, no doubt, my university life, more specifically, my life as an Acer, as a Shearite.

mastercard people, please please please call me.

yday went fine, i think we impressed the judges.

i really need money, i really need a new suit.

and you know what.. i really need an internship. urgh. i just can't believe nobody wants me. sigh.

---

lately, its been literally hell. i've never felt so busy before, but it has been good and i actually like feeling that way- i feel so productive and so useful.

good. i'm starting to think like a business student.. when i'm graduating. hahahahaha..

---

come on mastercard people!!! bring us the good news.

the key to knowing it is all possible, is to remember that God controls the strings.

ultimately, it is all in His hands.

just.. have to.. get rid.. of.. impatience.

light

all along the backwater..

it has been there all these times.

yday, i saw a ray of light, and today i saw the sun.

all those time i've been wondering when i eat, sleep especially when i bathe: what should i do? which should i fit in?

and then, mother said it yesterday.

yes, yes. it was all along right in front of me. How could i have neglected it.

everything combined into 1. that is all i want!

This is the industry, this is where i will start.

Thank You for the awakening.

there is hope afterall.

"..you will die!" ... not anymore.

orange globe awards!

head on down to fort canning park at 8pm tonight!

catch bright and me host Sheares biggest annual concert by CMB! it is going to be AWESOME! :)

IT IS FREEEEEEEEE.

with live performances by the hall's dance, choir, shaca, ge yao and band! :)

lets go lets go lets go! :)

i have the most evil boyfriend in the whole wide world.

:(

i'm not talking to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. :(

----------
i'm going to scream already. i can't write soci anymore. :(

i've been on it for 7 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*DEAD*

hmm..

i have no school today and a test tmr, another test due on monday.

well, i'm not stress; i'm damn sian. hahaha i look fwd to graduation. sigh. yep, i know somehow i'll regret that when next year comes.

mkt research, anova, anocva, don't forsake me. you can do it after the test tmr. like really. just for now..

------

downed a cup of coffee this morning, made another one. oo.

crazy week ahead, i am damn excited. hosting SH's biggest concert and i just can't wait to see everybody happy. :) so its 2 test to be done by monday, a meeting with bright on sat, cmb rehearsal on mon, cmb on wed, and.. oh! 2 assignments on thurs. argh. shit. haven't started on those 2.

things seem to look different after my 5 months in sweden. global perspective is the very first thing that i say and oh boy, it feels good. if only i can throw that exterior layer away. =/ i want to go shanghai to work tooooo. rarh. need to do many things with regards to that., like brushing up of the language. hmm. wonder how i'll adapt.

aiyah sian. why like that. where's meritocracy and equality in terms on intership.

alright. maybe i'm thinking a lil too far. i should think anova and ancova.
and then after tmr.. subject content will change to internships.

i don't understand why others are called first either.

God, why?

--------

:( if i was honoring, i'ld be director.

sigh

sigh. it sucks when u have a good friend feeling down. because you feel the exact same way as her.

=(

They asked her, one day in the dressing room, to ask him who he loves more; if he could immediately come up with an answer in all true honesty.

she didn't really wish to know the true answer though. But she did anyhow.

he told her it was her. and she felt her heart skipped a beat.

she couldn't remember how exactly but he said something about first love.

and there it got me thinking: i've been forsaking my first love.

today, as if knowing what was on my mind, " many people want God, but so few obeys God."

need to go back, need to commit, need to listen, need to submit.

i will.. and supper lorry!

i will study hard.

i will get my degree.

i will get a good job.

i will get good money.

i will go shopping.

most importantly, i will thank and give God the glory.

but now,

i will complete my assignment.

i will study for the silly 3 tests.

i will get through the week.

more importantly,

i will stay awake.


... wah. hard.

---------

supper lorry rocks! :D i'm really glad i went! despite getting a slap from bona for i dunno what reason, and not spending time with our level mates :( , i totally enjoyed myself.

thanks block comm for a wonderful time, despite coming back at 5am, and making us go through the trauma of going up the road to the old hospital.

good job, xiaobai!
=D

the leap post

it just feels that i have to post sth since its the 29th feb.

out of the 6 leap years that i've been through, i never felt the day so special before. not till i hear class 95 and they keep talking about "The Leap Year" repeatedly.

rarh. my tummy is so warm and fuzzy.

so anyway, here's a post, a complain, and a birthday wish.

happy birthday mess!! :D

dim sum dollies

i watched dim sum dollies today :) and it was a $68 well spent. made me laugh so much, practically fighting with the aunty sitting behind me on who can laugh the loudest. haha. most importantly, it made me forget certain issues.

of course, a nice version of the history of singapore and who we are today.

especially love the Indian talking to his cow, showing him his dance moves

".. and sometimes we hold hands"

but of course, what seem to left a deeper impression was the scene of the Irish missionary sisters and the convent girl and how they broke out in an Irish river dance.

haha.. i felt insulted but amused at the same time. It seems that the stereotyping of convent girls will stay that way forever. and i guess i can't blame for the stereotype.

Was just thinking about the hall's bazaar the other week, when iskandar was psychoing me to buy ear rings where i was at this stall, and i bumped into one of my secondary school class mate, which he was friends with as well. With a bewildered face, he exclaimed how surprised he was that i was a convent girl and refused to believe my alma mater. he even said "how come you didn't "come out" like them?"

i get that question a lot. and i always give a puzzled face: why must i "come out" like them? not that i have any hard feelings against them (i love them very much!), but i still dun get it. is there only 1 look for convent girls?

There goes the same for the behaviour of convent girls as highlited in the play. do convent girls behave the way they are not suppose to? in my convent years, i experienced having friends behaving in that way. and i totally understand where these stereotypes come from.

but i guess it is important for the general public to realise that not all convent girls are like that. majority or minority- there are still some traditional convent girls that benefited from such a missionary type of education.

for one, there still are girls who are not as open as they are to guys regarding certain matters. it is hard for them to bring out to discuss certain issues. and they just tend to avoid it. as liberal as society is nowadays, whats innate cannot be changed. perhaps, over time, gradually, things might change.

but the underlying still remains: there still are traditional convent girls that exist in this day and age.

...and you just have to accept them for who they are.

somehow, just maybe.

i don't know; as much as u hate that answer, thats all i can say

will it really be the same?

------

sp is done. and that was the last time i'll ever step on that stage and be another person, another animal, another era.

thank you Sp for the wonderful memories. :)

its time to gear up and finish this university education- well.

nice guys come in last

The crazy days are finally over. :) and i'm glad it is!

i remember having this conversation with winnie and lian before, a year or so ago on this floor of this very building i'm in right now. they were singing this chinese song about how girls like bad guys, and not good guys, and they just kept singing and singing it all over again.

and so it started from there, where we started discussing if the statement was true or not.

based on past events that occurred, both nice guys i know seem to have suffered because of their same trait.

and i wonder how this works.

sigh. this is sad.

----

sp full dress rehearsal! :)

worbert = me

yay!

i just feel awfuullly awful.

and i can't imagine how much worse he feels.. that is if it really is true.

:( am i to blame?

not as impressive, not as shocking.

but still thankful.

---

this is my second in my 22 years- and i got no comments... yet?

maybe.

2 hour nap before class.

out.

FInally.

finally i'm done with my consumer behaviour assignment. sigh, took me forever just to write that 2 pages.

urgh.

but anyhow, its done. and i'm happy. time to move on to the other assignments. sians. haha

i can't believe school fees are going to increase again. this is sick. and what is worse, hostel fees. i'm glad i'm graduating!

graduation. i smell you.

real love stories never have happy endings..

because real love stories never end.

=)

its not about what you accomplish, but the process you went through.

all you have to do is to sit down, close your eyes, take a deep breath, think about what you have to do, write them all down, prioritise them, and then finish them off one by one.

thats not so stressful now, isn't it?

---

tiramisu. :)

salt

the nearly forgotten wound, rediscovered all of a sudden, had salt poured on it- 1st in a small tea spoon, 2nd the whole bottle.

and then.. scream.

silence.

and u reflect, again.

crazy 3rd week of school. more to come.

enjoy or not to enjoy, that is the question.

i seriously have a sleeping problem. need to snap out of it.

-------
ready to earn money?
i only know i'm ever ready to spend money. haha


-------

BUT I'M A MALE RABBIT! MY NAME'S ROBERT.

She'll end up like "the other one".

she's not special after all- sometimes she just wonder why she's so bothered about it, when she already knew it right from the start.

she took a deep breath and tried to place her thoughts together. She knew the situation has changed, but she can't imagine the player that she substituted doing the exact same thing.

she just didn't like to be a shadow- was it that her own self confidence was low? But she knew she could thank him for showing her who she really is.

--------

we all learn, something new, something everyday.

i don't want to be a replacement

It has been bugging her since the beginning of their conversation.

She had always wanted to ask him just one question 'who?'.

with that answered, 'why?' was the burning question she wanted an answer for.

to her dismay, the key word was 'similar'.

she's just not special- not special enough.

she's a girl afterall.

she watched him as he packed. with each movement he made, she blinked as fast as she could to keep her tears in.

"not now, " she told herself.

not now, not now, not now.

how could she? tired, frustrated, stressed: that was all his eyes told her. how could she be so unreasonable to add on to his sea of work.

and so she blinked back the tears, stared at the cross and whispered a prayer to God.

but the tears flowed anyway.
------

the writer's mode is back on. :)

i'm so full.

hehe.

waiting for the girls to bathe finish so i can go bathe too. just so darn tired. :( school's started. and so has the piling of work.

kenneth's so busy, i feel sorry for him. and its only the first week! aiyoh!

and ron's so stressed with chingay, he fell sick. :( oh dear.

mmmm.. not very much in a writing mode these days... which explains the lack of posts. just feel like daydreaming my day away.

just read his new blog a few min ago.. and a picture he took caught my attention.

i remember telling him how he should go for her. and i really hope he got her.

from that picture, i think he did. :)

---------

damn tired. damn damn damn tired.

and yea, its only the first week of school.

finally back in hall.

meeting up with my darlings has just been great: the familiar faces, the voices and more importantly, the laughter and their smiles.

so, i've gotten my past semester updates from the perspectives of the year 2s and year 3s yesterday, and a nice 1.5 hour talk with the horny year 4 uncles.

haha.. i'm glad i'm back.

more posts soon.

---

we are finally going to have a shelter from the bus stop to hall! :)

ah.

back in sg, and first post of the year.

The past week has been kind to me, in terms of how i've spent my days. had a great 3 dates and meeting up with everybody else, telling them of my policemen encounters from Russia to Copenhagen.

its quite tiring, this story telling thing. no wonder people make money out of it.

I started out last year with an overview of my year, and boy, didn't it move really fast. so i'm thinking if i should do the same this year.. well, its scary to think i'm turning 22.

but anyway, its always nice to have a clear big picture of what to expect, so here goes..

jan-mar: school + Sp again.
apri-may: exam
may-dec?: intern

hmm.. doesn't sound as exciting as last year's but i guess somehow, it will be quite a productive year.

got to go clean windows. sian.