i DIed.

i died in that fna paper.

i totally died.

sigh. at least serene thinks its the "mother of all papers"

i pray that it is and i'm not one of those in the lefties. oh God.. please, no..

oh well.. can't do much now too anyway. i just don't want to do that module again.

can't imagine. i knew i wouldn't cry after the paper. the feeling wasn't there- to cry, that is. but it was near to that limit, i noe. and how did i know?

well, we were watching tv a few min ago, and then the tyrailer of crimewatch came up, it was abt that serial rapist who didn't even let a 69 yr old lady off!! that was all that was needed for me to start crying.

i

was

so

tramautised!!


GaWD!! evil creatures, men are! :(

lets all sigh together.

its sickening when u noe u studied everything abt it, but still not prepared for the exam. because its as if u nv studied anything about it at all! that is so frustrating and i am hence, frustrated.

don't know if i had plan it right, i definitely like the idea of finishing things all at one go, and not having to bother abt it again. (father-trained) but its so sickening to study all at one time. this is crazy. its not like A levels where everything is asked more or less abt the same thing and u have 2 blardy years to revise. this is in wat 12 weeks. dammit. but i'm not complaining (ya rite); uni life is great.

i promise to do better next sem. i think this sem buang already laa.

its not that i want to be pessimistic. i know i wun die, as how as i've been claiming i would like 24/7. and i know that all things work for the good of those who love Him. but i guess i'm just easily influenced by how others feel. aiyah. sian.

i just hope that more than half of ppl taking fna paper this mon is feeling worse than me. i really hope they feel like that.

its so weird how much interest i have for sth, but i just simply can't do well in it. hai. (i think this is the 9834878347278499265433rd time i sighed today)

i can't wait for wed.
-----------------------------

thanks for the tea. thats the first time i really felt happy today! =)

happy 23rd birthday corny-moo-a-moo-a-moo-a-moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....

=)

i'm so full from dinner.. i can puke out a cow.

-------------
and so, the coutdown starts. 30..29..28......

we were the reason

i finally found the reason for living
its in giving every part of my heart to Him
everything that i do, every word that i say
i'll be giving my all just for Him..

we were the reason that He gave His life
We were the reason that He suffered and died
for a world that was lost
He gave all that he could
to show us the reason to live.

and so i pray.. for a guy who will love God more than me.

i pray for understanding and wisdom and i pray against temptation. i pray for your commitment, i pray for ypur relationship with Him.

i love you.. if you love Him.

and i pray.. and i pray...
-----------------
happy 16th, mentoss. =)
happy early 20th, chong chong. =)
-----------------

thank you, Jesus, for taking my place on the cross..

random

ok this is going to be random.

i think guys in collared tees, berms and a pair of nike dunks low are just so attractive.

ok. back to fna.

(i told you it was random)

to all u ppl who think i'm a love sick fool:

think again. i'm stronger than you think i am.

thank you very much.

---------------

stressful week. went crazy. very crazy.

treated myself to a 11 hour sleep on thurs night and after a good session of erm gossip with zhenfeng- hahahaahahah.. which we promised each other it will nv happen again- 8 hour sleep starting from 5 am, although i still feel tired. its time to start the engine and run the race.

13 days. many things to do.. still have projects to do.. revision haven't even started. :(

and i can't wait to act for theatre studies prac!!! the thing is my character says the F word. what should i do man.. i can't change the word. :(

------------
Bring me back to the heart of worship.

blogging is an avenue for ppl to relax and to pass time, esp so after a meal, when u are so darn full, u can't be bothered to do anything else.
-------

too much of a drink i had last night, not enough of water. got a lil dehydrated. throat hurts very badly.drank like 4 bottles of water ever since. should be fine soon.

:D
---------------

going for connie bonnie's 21st party later..i miss connie. :(
---------------

this cup of coffee just doesn't taste like any coffee. Because you made it, its the sweetest i ever tasted. :)

someone remind laureen that patience is a virtue; and prayers make time go faster.
i wonder if we will ever end up together. i still vote your hugs as the wamest ever. :) i'll wait, but dun let me wait too long?

naive

i can't believe i actually thought i could change his world. how naive can i get. sigh. and i thought i've grown to be more matured and sensible. sigh.

i drank my first mug of beer today. i'm sure i took more than 1 mug. i think i took at least 2, because i couldn't stop drinking. not because i'm much of a drinker, but just because i was preparing what was to come next, after our little drinking session.

so i took hold of the opportunity, grabbed every little chance that i had; embraced it with every ounce of energy i had. my heart stopped when you...

nvm. its not that impt, isn't it. just that it was my decent first.

and i sort of think that u robbed me of that.

oh well. what can i say now. now that i learnt the truth.

i smile, thinking of how dumb i am.
----------

as i've said, i am a selfish little girl.

insecure

laureen's having a lot of mixed feelings lately.

and she think she finally found the word to describe wat 89.8% of her mind feels like: insecure.

insecure in almost anything and everything.

i need confirmations.

please get me out of this pithole.

sigh.

---------
many different projects = <5 hours a sleep everyday = irritated laur = very sensitive laur( in all ways possible)

blurbblurbblurb

*blurbblurbblurb*

laureen's drowning.

in projects, assignments, webcast lectures not watched, exam in less than a month's time and the realisation of everybody's birthdays are approaching.

*BLURBBLURBBLURB*

------------------
hmm.. is it right to stay unofficial? *thinks*

u give the warmest hugs. :)

the need to act; the need to perform; the need to fulfill my inner desires, my passion.

that is what i discovered tonight.

my heart bleeds, to know the chance i could have flies away.

but i take heart, to know that one day- somehow or another, i will be up there on stage.
(thanks winnie)

i love my hall seniors-esp don and bona. i admire them for their passion and their beliefs; their commitment and their sacrifice.

i just want to be like them.

and i will be, because He knows.

just takes time, i guess.
--------------

Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands...

:(

sigh.

why should stupid projects pile up at the last min?? this is getting sucky. sian.

i just realised it's a month to the exams and i'm like still quite blur abt almost everything. diedded. see? this is wat u get when u slack off for the first 9 weeks of school. darn.

yday's cmb concert was soooo good!! hmm.. but i didn't really watch it with a happy heart, though. i wished i was performing there as well. i wanted to push the thought aside and just appreciated the efforts of my frens up there, dancing, singing and acting. and i realised i wanted to be up there too.

so since young, i hide behind others. i still do. sometimes i try hard to be someone i want to be, but i'm afraid of the challenges that i face. i left 3 weeks or so. i dun think i'll have any more chances. i shouldn't have rejected my drama opportunity. i shouldn't have wasted my ballet classes when i was young, and i should have taken my piano lessons seriously. whats the use? its all over.

i can't be who i want to be, anymore. my chances are gone. thats so depressing.

i seriously should go and take up some cultural classes in whatever way. i'll prob feel better.

aiyah. i dunno what i thinking la. just that i wish i was a performer.

oh wells.

projects projects projects..........sian diao.

i'm really going to bite you!!!!!!

theatre studies prac

oh! i forgot to tell the world that we did ballroom dancing for theatre studies last week!! haha.. it's so fun!! it is like as if we were one of those couples in the "pride & prej" movie! or whichever 19th century english ball.. :D i like the victorian era! everything is so prim and proper. :D

alrite. anyway, winnie and i had to act for today's prac. haha.. we only stated memorising our lines like last night. and winnie has such a powerful memory. it took her less than 10 in to rem everything. and me? erm.. nvm, shan't disclose. hahaah...

yea!! so we were voted to be the best pair in today's tutorial. haha.. what to do.. we are neighbours lor.. we said our lines from when we started bathing in the toilet to finish bathing, to printing out our props and what not in her room.. plus a few impromtu action which the 2 of us were quite shock at each other. haha.. or rather i think i shock her a lot. haha.. :X , we executed the play really well!! woohOO!! i'm so proud of you, girl!! :D heng we were partners. haha and heng we are neighbours toO!! *smiles*

-----------------------

different actions put together to get different msg. thats what happens when u study theatre. its called the study of semiotics, the science of signs.

An actor has 3 choices: 1. to choose what signs he wants to include; 2. leave out certain signs he doesn't want to include; and most importantly, 3. hierarchise the signs that he is portraying.

otherwise the specatators will not understand what you are trying to present across, because of the mixed up signs!!

so, do u understand what i'm trying to say?

i just realised i have sooo many projects to do. haha.. i can't believe i'm stil laughing. diaos.

IT, marketing, fna, macro.

crap! thats like 4 modules out of 5.

and i have to write a 1600 wd review of a play for theatre studies!

ok. so much for enjoyment of my 8 weeks.

gonna die.

... and i haven't watch movie yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!

and gosh.. its 2 months to my birthday. that seems fast. hmm. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. so old.

the graph

haha.. i just realised a trend in myself. there's always this little obstacle for me to cross before i actually develop feelings for someone. and so.. drawing it on a graph.., it will look like this:







yea. haha.. i'll get really scared like that dip there and then somehow, or anyhow, it will just increase. hahahah..

aiyah whatever la. think i'm going crazy.

--------------------

oh wells. so i survived this day. slowly i guess.

thanks five guy for buying lunch for me and leaving it outside my door. :) thats super sweet. and i really appreciate it. that was when i first actually smiled today. :)

to my darlings in hall.. thanks for ur concern. :)

sorry lianyee for not being able to talk to u when u came in to my room this afternoon.. i just hadn't been able to control my emotions as yet. i hope i erm.. didn't scare u with the tears in my eyes. but thanks for ur love; and assuring me that i always have you to talk to. :)

i'm soooo full from supper..

i hope FNa tmr will be a better one. :)

it is ironic how matters of the heart works.

to make you happy = to destroy and crush your heart.

why why why?

oh wells. better than to make you happy and then grinding up your heart when u've sink much deeper.

but selfish, is it not? to make me fall in love with you, and then break me thereafter?

i'm fragile, my dear boy. i really am.

so tempted to hear ur voice and to see ur smile, carry on wh we left off. but no. 'anchor trap'- damages would be worst.

okok. naive-ness takes over me. it's time to grow up, snap out of it and pray really hard.
----------------

i think i'll breakdown if i see you.

i hate this whole thing..

i hate it.

you just totally broke my heart.

why meddle with it if you know you wouldn't accept?

don't ask me anything about my eyes tmr if u see them puffy and red. i'll totally bite you and chew you to pieces.

chong, please start feeling guilty again.

-------------
there goes my fishes dream. gone. just like that.

fairytales? HA.

i've snapped out of my 'drunken' stupor. :)

thanks to everybody who has been tolerating me. haha..

i'm proud of myself.

:D

i have to study.
-----------

btw, hellp to al the ppl reading my blog. it would be nice if u leave a tag and say hi, you noe. then we can be frens!! :D

*looks at serene and smiles*

it wasn't just abt showing face; it was because i wan't feeling happy. i wanted to talk to you- thats the only reason.

but i dun blame you, because i lied to you. i dun blame you because i didn't tell you beforehand.

i have nobody to blame la. so ya. just not feeling very joyful at this point in time.

-------------

fairy tales are just made up stories to bluff the kids in the world that we can live a perfect life, only if we are good, pretty and have a virtuous character.

in reality, they hardly happen.

why do they ever create illusions in the first place?

i want to grab you and not let go. but i should really wake up.

screw FNA. dammit. whatttever. i just hope i dun do that badly. so much for studying so hard. then again, i was distracted for 1/2 the time, so... alright. i guess i have to study harder then.

----------
i really dunno what to do whenever u are near: part of me wants to grab u and not let go, another part of me says 'no'.

i think i can conclude, ive contracted a terminal desease. and there's a cure.. some where... the side effects of that cure? a broken heart.

i can't make up my mind if i hate or love you.

-----------

She sat on the edge of his bed. while reading her text book, she constanly glanced up just to catch a view of his back, noticing the outline of his back and almost everything about him that she could just absorbed within her.

it was about 4 in the morning.

earlier on, they had gone out with the rest of their friends for a few drinks and some fun. He made her promised him on one condition if he went along: that she stayed up with him while he completed his assignment which was due that morning.

of course, she wasn't as evil to drag him to go, if she knew when it was due. He only disclosed it much later, to her horror.

and so they came back, at 4, as promised. so that he would be able to have time to complete his assignment.

after having taken her bath, she walked towards his room carrying her marketing text in one hand and her purple pillow in the other. " just in case, i get sleepy." she thought to herself.

and when she reached, he was already attempting his assignment, facing the computer with a focus and determined look on his boyish face. he turned around to look at her at the door, smiled and said, " i'll be with you shortly."

"sure," she replied. " you just do your work."

and so she settled on the edge of his bed, which was positioned parellel across the study table of which he was at. In a crosslegged position, she placed her text above the pillow which was on top of her legs. as she flipped the pages of her book, she can't help but realised that she had felt sth for him for a quite a period of time already although she just wasn't sure what it was.

it was about 5 plus when she laid down her pillow on his bed, and curled herself up. she fell asleep not long after.

It was only after 2 hours and the sun was out. she opened her eyes to see him sleeping on his chair. He had used his blanket to cover her- to keep her warm, and sacrificed his bed for her. it was then that, not only did she feel warm physically; emotionally, she felt warmth, and most importantly, loved.

smiling to herself, she closed her eyes and went back to sleep, perhaps life wasn't as cruel to her after all.

----------------

lately, i realised i developed a flair for writing- sth which i always thought i was never capable of. oh wells. haha.. :D

the picture in the wallet

perhaps, i shouldn't have open it.

perhaps, now i know why u can't commit.

i dun blame you. i always thought so anyway, since i always knew i wasn't ur type.

i blame myself. i got into this shit all by my own.

i'm just baffled by your actions; you should have told me earlier. i wouldn't have entered the forest if thats the case. this is just so wrong. =(

and i thought i was selfish.

but, thanks for taking my order. the coffee was sweet; perhaps it was because u appeared. =)

perhaps, i should start thinking again; because, as i said, i won't ask if you won't tell me.
-----------

if you give ur heart to somebody, it simply just means you are ready to get hurt- again.

sometimes, i engross myself with fairytales- that i become naive. i hate myself for doing so.

i'm typing this down because i simply can't concentrate.

i just want you and coffee now. together, please.

today's been really quiet.

and i just can't stop thinking about what u r thinking. i really have no clue.

and it scares me.

ok. i think i'll just shut up. think i'm getting irritating. again. :(

sometimes sensitivity kills me.

-----------

the doctor says, " i'm sorry to inform you, the WWD cells are spreading at an increased rate. i think your WWD has advanced to yet, another stage...."

the other side of me- revealed.

and so, armed with my laptop, my financial accounting text, my favourite puma jacket, my pencil box and calculator, i walked into the biz library feeling so confident and determined to study.

and so, its been about 2 and half hours since i was here. i think my energy and determination has just been drained. siansation.

having had a good 7.5 hour sleep last night this morning, i woke up, feeling driven to accomplish what i set out to do: financial a/cting.

however, instead of hitting my book straight, i ended up at the forum, waiting to get 'SHqueezed' or 'SHquashed' into a small puny toyata dunno wat car. haha.. so we intended to win that $888 by 'SHqueezing' the most number of ppl in to that small damned car. and we all were exhilerated at the record breaking news of 32 people in that freaking tiny car. we thought $888 was ours. we thought so.

however, just an hour ago, it seemed that my very own faculty had broke that record. and the best part is? kenny asked me to join them, but some how, i was with my hall instead.

it hit me then and there, that the attachment i had with my hall and my faculty was of a vast difference. haha. a lot, man.

oh wells, i seriously have no idea why i'm blogging now. should be fna-ing. but i just can't keep awake. i think my energy has been drained in that car. sians. i need coffee. have to grab a can before gg back to hall..

---------------------

and so i stare at ur reflection thru the glass panel.. thinking of our conversation last night.. i wonder what type of a girl do u see in me? it's quite disappointing actually that you wiould have thought me to be sth that is not me.

so many things i want to know, but so many u don't want to disclose. as i said, i wun force, i just want to know...

i smile, thinking of how close you are; and yet i frown, thinking of how far away.

have i ever told u i like your smile?

it is just soooooooo weird to hear or rather read someone describing me as an "incredible girl".

i have erm.. no comments. hahaha.

i din really have much reaction to it at first. and then when it sank in, 'i just stunned'. as i recall wh i was at the time he blogged, i felt evil. indirectly, i broke his heart. i may not know the extent of how much it erm.. broke, but i hope the damages aren't heavy.

but perhaps.. all these shouldn't be happening at all??

sigh. FNA, laur. Fna.

----------
wth. why do i have to go to computing for my test?? and whhhhyyyy must it be on open house day?? dammmit. the mgt sucks.

this dream i had.

we were in an aquarium. there were 3 of us. you, Jackson and me.

as the 3 of us were walking around, getting all excited; i grabbed your wrist exclaiming happily, "look here! this is such an extraordinary fish!" you smiled at me and said nothing. while the 2 of us were engrossed looking at what they called an angel fish; Jackson, who was at the other end of the room shouted," Hey! i'll be here!"

"ok!" you replied as you glanced past ur shoulder, while my eyes were still peeled on the fish tank.

as i watch the angel fishes gracefully 'talking' to each other with their gentle little movements in the water, you suddenly tugged me away from where i was, exclaiming, " you have to see this."

HOwever, this time, you grabbed me- by my fingers. as our fingers met, u gave me a slight squeeze, ensuring that you got me close by ur side. my heart skipped a beat.

you led me over to an array of fish tanks of different shapes and sizes, filled with many tetra swimming together in schoals, as i exclaimed at the sight i had, i just couldn't help but realised that u were still holding on to my hand. you didn't let go; i didn't want to let go either. i've been dreaming of this moment for a really long time, it just didn't seem quite real to me just as yet.

so as both of us bent down, peering into the fish tanks-taking a closer look, thoughts of what you were thinking kept running thru my mind: did you notice you were still holding on to me? or were you engross in the pretty fishes that you didn't noe you were still holding on to me?

"hey guys!" Jackson called, as he walked over.

You turned around and said " yea?", still holding on to my fingers.

" time we have to leave, man.."

" what time is it?" you asked while you stod up straight, i was trying to tip toe, hoping u didn't notice our difference in height- that you would have realised you were holding my hand, so that you wouldn't let go.

" it's 2. we have to leave, come on." Jackson said as he turned around and walk towards the door that had an "EXIT" sign above it.

you looked at me in the eye, gave me an even tighter squeeze, winked, smiled at me and said, "lets go, baby."

to my bro

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO!!

hope u got my card already?? haha..

have a great and beautiful day!!

i love you many many!!!!!!!!

as i read ur posts..

as i read ur blog entries, i have this sudden desire to see you and to hear your voice, as i stare at ur photos, including those we have taken some time back, it stikes me that its been eons since we last met. somehow, i still do think of you.

as i browse thru ur online photo collection, it somehow seems that time has caused the both of us to drift away.. slowly.

i rem i dedicated an entry of my blog to u, just wondering how you are- aloud. i also wondered if it is the things of the world that caused you to have change heart. it hurts me stil, as i think of it. but alas! who am i to you to say what i feel. It may be that u've chosen the right way, and may be that you have not, up to now, i still find your arguements without a significant claim.

somehow, i wish you weren't with her, not that i like you in that sense, but because i like things they were before... because things aren't obviously the same anymore.

father says its the same, but its not the same. what a paradox. i just can't understand why there are so many versions of history. i'm gg to ask God when i'm up there..

and so i pray, i still do. i pray and think, and miss you a whole lot.

---------------------

just spent a blardy freaking 6 hours on my fna. i suck man. totally. sigh. i just dun understand how others can d it so easily, and i can't. its not that i dun have interest in it. i think i'm just too distracted to do fna. i rather write essays. yep u heard me rite:

i hate maths.

-----------------------

oh wells. tests all coming up. this sucks.

my darling winnie and i.

















miss sheares aka nus poster girl aka estherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
"esther so pweetyyyy...."

---------------------------

quite lazy to post more of the pics. haha.. oh wells.

---------------------------

i'm quite confuse; i'm standing in between. i don't know if i should cross over; reverse a bit; or stay where i am? haha...

all i know is.. its to fast to go over, i dun want to reverse, and i'm confuse standing in the middle! how ah?

the dnd pics

ze ming and me.. in his room.. winnie says we look couply. hahahaahah



zhen feng and me.. in ze ming's room. hahahaah



eve and me.. in ze ming's room again. hahah.. eve so preettty!!!



pretty girls of block a: hweeying, lianyee, ernie, eve and me. :)



our(zeming and me) "wedding" dinner



BIMBOS!!!! *rofl. bimbo 1 (colin) and bimbo 2 (me)


hweeying dear and i with our very own mr sheares!! yay!! bona rocks!!



five guy!!!!

my fav pic thus far.... :D winson and me. yay!

okay.. bloogger just killed me.. refuses to post my photos.. part 2 soon!! :D

OH YA!! ernie won N70!!! so happy for heR!!!! haha yay!!

dnd

hmm... dnd yday was great. :)

thank God i have an elder sister. haha, otherwise it would be so hard for me to find clothes to wear. esp on such occasions. haha.. although i really did not like thedress because i think i look fat in it, i'm proud of my accessorising skills. haha.. at least i can improve on my dress with whatever i have at home la... haha.. oh wells.

everybody was so pretty yday!! evelyn should stick to what she wore yday. so sweet!! and ernie was so pretty with her mongolian diamond thingy thingy on her head.. hhaha.. cons look so feminine and pretty.. the dress on her made her look so fabulous. and puay sannie was just sooooooo angelic. :) lianyee looks so beautiful in her satin cyan daniel yam dress. in short, my frens are all so pretty.

:) winnie was so hot and delicious on stage esp during her dance and her cat walking, that she aroused my lesbian tendencies. ahhaahah.. ok that sounded so wrong. BUT WINNIE DARLING, I'M SO PROUD OF U, AND U REALLY LOOK SO HOT YDAY, I BET THE GUYS MELTED WHEN THEY WATCHED YOU DANCE, BECAUSE U ARE JUST LIKE HOW HOT. ok i think i made my point clear enough that WINNIE IS JUST SO FREAKING HOT AND SEXY. haha.. and bona was ultrally dashing. haha.. i'm happy that bona won mr sheares, because he deserves it. and esther aka nus poster girl can just forget abt her wish for an obscure life in NUs. haha.. how can u lead an obscure life if u r nus poster girl and also miss sheares? ESTHER SO PWEEEEETTTTYYYy!!!!!! :)

my contact lens gave me such a big headache yday. i had to apply my eye shadow like countless of times because of my stupid lens that caused me to tear non stop. sigh.

so after the event ended at about 12, colin, wenjie, ernie, eve and myself took a public transport bus down mt faber, instead of the bus the hall rented, to get colin's car at haboufront carpark.

eve, ernie and i decided on anothger chilling trip at chijmes. haha.. winnie was too tired to go, and connie had no money to go (like as if i have), i managed to pull winson and five guy to go with us. haha.. and of course, came with a price, promised winson i'll stay up with him till he's done with his lab. OF WHICH, he didn't tell me till we were in the cab that he had to hand in his lab assignment at 6 am that morning. the time then in the cab? 2 30 am. *FAINTED*

so we went to chijmes, we ordered a jug of i dunno what i drank also, haha.. and we just started talking about ecverything and anything. haha.. from junior college stuff to mosquitoes. haha.. took a number of pics there before we left again in a cab. time we left chijmes: 4 30.

so. we reached hall at abt 5, feeling so guilty, went over to winson's room after i bathed. since i promised. haha.. so i read my fna while he struggled with his lab. read till i fell asleep. haha.. only woke up at about 7 plus. haha..

well.. just had breakfast not too long ago. and i'm freaking tired now. haha. from the looks of it, i dun think i'll wake up till evening. haha.. so i'll just go take a long nap now.. photos to load soon!!

-----------------------
btw, WINNIE IS SOOO HHOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!!

:) i'm happy now. :)

tmr's dnd!! haha.. gg home this evening.

note to self:

bring the camera and pray that it works!!

ooooooooooooooooo.. so exciting!!

--------------
it's a rollercoaster ride.

i'm sorry.

i'm turning evil again.

i hate myself sometimes, i just can't make up my mind.

i'm afraid i may be sending out the wrong signals, signals that seem to be right before.. before i had this feeling again; but now it just seems wrong. i have no idea how to face you.

it is because you are just too sweet to me, that i can't seem to reciprocate it at the same level.

i'm sorry. i'm sorry for being selfish. sorry for not being sure of how i feel towards you before acting the way i am. sorry for being such a bitch.

give me time to pray- no, give us time to pray.

and once, i'm over with my battle, i'll let you noe. just as i've promised u.

its still possible, but let me confirm with my feelings. its getting too fast, and i can't catch up.

i'm sorry. please forgive me.

i'm just not as angelic as you think i am...
---------------

the flesh vs the heart

congrats yvonne and minnie to ur grades!!

i told u 2, u can do it!! esp minnie.. dunno who was so sure won't get 4 A's. haha...

hmm.. ling's a level cert still with me. hahah..
--------------

eh so sad la.. with regards to my previous post, nobody wants to say anything to me if i had only 15 sec left in this earth?

gee.. :(

so saddddddd!!!

haha.. i just received an sms..

it says " if i have only 15 secs to live, what would you say to me in those 15 sec."

what would you say to me?

headache

things are all happening and gg so fast, its causing me not to be able to do what i like to do best: sit and reflect on each issue i face.

i can type a whole long paragraph regarding what i'm facing now, only if i know how to phrase it in words. but the thing is that i can't seem to find the words because my head hurts and i can't match my emotions to words. i think i can show them out by facial expression though.

i would love to spend my whole day blogging abt the many things in my life, but somehow got no time la. :(

i think i need sleep. my head is killing/spinning.

i would really love fna if i can discipline myself to sit down and strat understanding wth is gg on in lecture.

-------------------
if the world caved in ard me, to you i still hold on.

so lets just wonder again.. why do people have different opinions regading the same matter?

But i really appreciate it.. reallly.

a quick one.

mmm.. yep.

just had dinner with chong. haha.. i think he looks much younger. he doesn't look like the big and scary chong i used to know when we first became friends. how surprising to find that he talks so much now to me as compared to when we first met by the river. haha.. thats good, chong. keep it up. haha.. i enjoy your company totally!! :) ( ok la prob the treat was the main reason... nah! kiddinG! haha)
----------------------------

wells, sch starts again after a week's break of mid term. have yet to start doing my tutorials. i'm just getting afraid of how time passes so fast.. and i keep worrying how little days i have left at hall.. and everytime i'm reminded of it, i feel so sad and depress.

i think God sent big Jason to remind me just now-when i met him in the bus to hall, to treasure the days i have left here. haha.. so intersting how God uses people to talk to u abt anything and everything. its more amazing for those who doesn't noe that they are being used by God. haha..

just to set the record straight.. its not just financially that i'm not being able to stay in hall next sem, its mainly because of my lazy sister who, i have no idea why, just refuses to concentrate and study; and the whole family cannot tutor her except me. sigh.

life is just the way it is. all in all, i love my sister a lot. sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.

oh wells. anybody wants to tutor for free?


-----------------------------------


JULIET
Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face,
Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek
For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night
Fain would I dwell on form, fain, fain deny
What I have spoke, but farewell compliment!
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "Ay,"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove false; at lovers' perjuries
They say, Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo,
If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully;
Or if thou think'st I am too quickly won,
I'll frown and be perverse, and say thee nay,
So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world.
In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond,
And therefore thou mayst think my behavior light,
But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true
Than those that have more coying to be strange.
I should have been more strange, I must confess,
But that thou overheard'st, ere I was ware,
My true love's passion: therefore pardon me,
And not impute this yielding to light love,
Which the dark night hath so discovered.


-Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare

the words of Juliet are thou mine own.
----------------------------------------

It tutorial time. eeeeeeee.....

laur misses bro. :(

surrender.

i surrender.

i think it hit me. and i think it hit me more than it hit you. either that, or my arrow is deeper than yours, because i think i erm.. diagnosed with the early stages of WWD. haha.. i think its the suit.

oh wells. prob i thought too ahead. quite scared. dun really noe my position...i'm afraid. what's your next step?

i dun blame you if you dun understand. :)

jealousy.

i just read someone's blog.

it warms my heart to see these little couples in love with each other.

i sense a tinge of jealousy, and i sound really old. hmmm..

hahaha.. so cuuuuuuuuute.

that road u led

perhaps, i have thought too much. and i thought more than wat u think.

i don't know where this road goes, and i'm afraid.

there are no lights to guide the long, rocky pathway, no passerbys- no one around. all i see are trees- tall, strong, oak trees which has been here for centuries; their leaves rustle in the wind, producing ghostly sounds. everywhere is dark. i can hardly see what is ahead of me, but i can feel hundreds of eyes peeled on me, watching my every move, my every step.. besides the crunching of the dried leaves beneath my shoes, i can hear them breathing; breathing hard and fast. my own heart beating, my pace quicken.

i shiver to know i'm alone.

and the scariest part is: you don't know that you took my hand and led me here. In a flash- without warning- u vanished; and now i'm stuck in this long winding pathway trying to find my way out- alone.

and that hurts.

i want a day of relaxation.

a stomy day spent with coffee, and a book; or a whatever day with coffee/ice cream with my frens; a beautiful day for shopping with unlimited cash; a sunny, breezy day at a beach.

just one out of any of the 4 days. give it to me.

i want a day of relaxation.
-----------------

i'm starting to get all sentimental altogether again.

my blog . now, is so public, that i can't blog whatever i want now because of different people who read it.

oh dear. :(

i like the way u wink at me. it makes my heart flutter..

wondering out loud.

Sometimes, i just wonder how the world works.

i wonder what people think. i wonder why we all have different opinions regarding the same issue. i wonder what causes that.

i wonder why things seems to be so complex when it is actually really nothing. i wonder why people make a big fuss over something that is so puny.

i wonder why life seems to be so exciting for some, and depressing to others. i wonder why can't people be optimistic altogether instead of being pessimistic altogether.

i wonder why people emphasise on their careers and neglect their family. i wonder why after all these true life stories and tv drama serials that are suppose to create an impact on people's lives, doesn't take effect at all. i wonder what goes thru the minds of the people when they read/watch these stories.

i wonder how out heart and mind works, and i wonder how we reach to a decision. i wonder how love enfolds and i wonder if it lasts. i wonder if i'm doing the right thing and i also wonder how i feel because i have no clue on how i'm feeling. i wonder whether i have any feelings.

i wonder how people percieve problems and how they base their judgement on. i wonder how people choose the right solution to solve their problems

i wonder why i'm still blogging and wondering when i'm gg to be late for chingay performance.

sometimes.. i just wonder.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Laureen!

1. Laureen can sleep with one eye open!
2. The moon is 400 times closer to the Earth than laureen, and 400 times smaller!
3. The Eskimos have over fifty words for laureen.
4. Michelangelo finished his great statue of laureen in 1504, after eighteen months work!
5. Early thermometers were filled with laureen instead of mercury.
6. On average, women blink nearly twice as much as laureen.
7. All of the roles in Shakespeare's plays - including the female roles - were originally played by laureen.
8. Laureen was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants.
9. Laureen can be seen from space!
10. Laureen can sleep for three and a half years.

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/trivia.pl" method="get" style="background-color:#5F5F42;color:#CFCF95;padding:4px;text-align:center">I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

i think the point no 7 is so cool and point no 10 is so TRUE!! :D

:)

i took my own advice.

i thank God for cons and winnie who confided in me so that i, too, would know what God wanted me to do.

it just hit me when i was bathing.

i'm glad i sorted things out with him.

laureen's happy.

------------------

why should a pretty rose wither? it's just ain't fair.
if only it can stay the way it is forever- perfect.

fish and co

our pics at fish and co. at glass house on Vday. service was super bad that night. seems like i won't be gg there for quite some time!

pissed winnie and me.



















lian yee and me



















evelyn and me.















winnie and me.



















the girls of Block A. :)

my flowers

The nicest bouquet of flowers i've ever received.

*smiles*

aren't they lovely?














































a picture captures a thousand words. 3 pics= 3 thousand words.

-----------

thanks. u made my day :)

photos soon.

Valentine's day was great. because i know i'm loved- by my friends.

in total, i have 23 crimson roses, 2 red gerberas, 1 white gebera, a balloon and plenty of chocs and sweets.

apparently, i have a secret admirer. funy rite? ya i think so too.

"Dear Laureen, Happy Vday."

block E level 3. only 2 hints i can get.

so Vday took over me as how it always taken me. haha.. i skipped marketing lect just to make my hangers. can u imagine.

the night before was so irritatinG!!! After coming back from ikea, i went to Alex's room only to find out tat i have to chop those stupid vouchers. all 400 of them.

well, to cut the long story short, i found out that that smelly alex totally bullied me laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... arghh. pissed me off.

and then we had to take that sub comm photo.

rah.

only managed to bathe at 1 am. and forget about the whole hanger thing, and i went to sleep.
---------------------

next morning, 21 roses on my table.

9 +12 = 21

stunned.

chingay. great :)

i'm so freaking tired.

chingay was such a blast la! :D although i still think i looked like some chipmunk on tv. but aiyah. who cares. not the whole world knows it's me. haha then again, its so saddening that they had to go to commercials when we were doing our main choreo. so sad! :(

so we have been doing heartland performances. i think its so cool. haha.. initially i was an acrobat, like what we were during our dance. haha.. and then during our 2nd time, which was yday, i got to be a purple fairy!! haha.. now i understand why cons, puay san and yee lianies want to be fairies.. fairies are such pretty creatures. even if u aren't u will just feel so pretty putting the costume on! :D hehe.. (although we were such unglam fairies.. -.-) and how cons described the joy of being a fairy: how u will feel so 'high' when little girls clamour around you to take photographs with you.. and old sweet aunties coming up to u exclaiming how pretty u are.. i felt it too. :)

sigh. have a lot to catch up on sch work.. i have 3 days in a row in a week starting at 9 am. totally sucky. :( can't really stay up late and chat.. however, i have my fridays free, so i'm satisfied. :)
-------------------------

hmmmmmmmm... so now, when i finally tested the sweet bliss of staying in hall.. good close block and hall mates-friends i made, activities that i will never have expected to join, love i know i have.. i really can't imagine not staying in hall. i really love Sheares. and the thought of it being my last sem staying in hall really puts me down. i mean i dun care abt dressing up and coming to school everyday now; i dun care about the orchard visits i can have after school; i dun care abt the travelling back to hall to 'book in' on sunday nights; i dun care about the bringing of laundry to and fro from hall and home- i can survive with it. i think it's worth it, i really do!! for the exchange of less nagging, more freedom, more friends, more life.. and most importantly, more love.

but good things must come to an end, isn't it? sigh.. i really dun want to leave hall.. i want to stay, i really do.

WINSON!! QUICK, BE JCRC PRESIDENT!!!

----------------------------------

confused.

just had chingay preview. was not bad la, i guess.. just that the beads of pespiration just couldn't stop trickling down my forehead, and into my eyes. growl. so painful.

-------------
oh wells.. i've been thinking a lot today. not sure how i'm feeling. somehow i'm reminding myself, i shouldn't be doing what i do sometimes, but i just keep on doing it. i want to start it, but i'm afraid to do so. because i don't want to end up hurt-again. once is enough. then again, i'm thinking too much. yes. i am thinking too much.
--------------

tmr's the live telecast! everybody watch me on tv!! :D

------------

it's hard to walk away, pretending i don't love you.

ahhhhhh. its been so long. haha

oh wells. can feel time flying. scary thing is that i haven'e started studying. diedded.

chinese new year's been great. haha.. but i'm sure i ate less pineapple tarts than usual. all because i was thinking of qijing. so sweet riteeeeeeeee.. scarly he cannot lift me up during chingay then i die. ahahha...

will try to post some photos from cny later on..

supposed to finish my day at 11 today, but i had marketing subject pool at 12 15 so i had to wait for about an hour.. killed time by eating lunch with winnie darling and zeming.. yeaaa.

accompanied winson for his lunch after coming out of the room at 12 18. hahah.. talked a bit about his ambition to build satelites. (-.-) and then we went back hall together.

okie. just need to sleep for a while. i'm tired. *yawn* fna lect at 6 30.. will be late for chingay. :(


chingay's gonna be on this fri and sat. fri is the preview and sat is live telecast. u guys watch me ok!! hahaha..

-----------------------

indecisive- hate this feeling. impetuous? perhaps.

Things that a girl wish her guy knows

sth i koped from one of those frenster bulletins. hahaha.. i think its very funny.

-------------------------------

1. Don`t tell us when you think other girls are hot.

2. Whenever possible, please say whatever youhave to say during commercials.

3. If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don`texpect us to dress like Victoria Secret Models.

4. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

5. We think about you all the time

6 This is how we see it : Don't call = Don't care.

7. Which also means that if we don`t call, take ahint.

8. We like you to be a little jealous. But overlypossesive is not necessary.

9. Being able to make us laugh is so much moreimportant than knowing how much you can bench-press.

10. We're allowed to be late. You're not.

11. Eye contact is the key.

12. Don't take longer to get ready than we do.

13. Laugh at our jokes.

14. 3 words: honesty, honesty, honesty!

15. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies arestalkers.

16. Do not start with us. You will not win.

17. Would you like it if a guy treated your sisterthat way? Didn't think so.

18 If you ask nicely, we`ll answer the same way.

19. We will never have enough clothes or shoes.

20. We have an exscuse for being bitchy at lestonce a month.

21 Open the door for us no matter where we are.

22. We love surprises.

23. We like to be kissed softly. Not with an iron tongue.

24. Pay attention to the little things we do,because they mean the most.

25. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometimes.Never tighty-whities!

26. Always brush your teeth before you see us. Afresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity.

27. Clean your room before we come over.

28. Even though you're sometimes insensitive andhurt us, we still love you with everything we are.
29. Don't act hard around your friends

30. Sometimes "NO" really means "NO!".

31. "Wife beaters" are not an adequite form offasion.

32. If we wanted to be on video tape, we`d be aporn star. NOT your girlfriend.

33. Sensitive guys are great.. but crying more thanwe do ina movie just isn't right.

34. Don`t let ex-girlfriends cause drama,relationships are stressful enough.

35. It takes a special kind of stupid to forgetbirthdays.

36. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys whoknowhow to satisfy a woman.

37. "Fat chicks" have feelings, too.

38. Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears,yelling, & nasty looks add up to = YOU DiDSOMETHiNG WRONG.

39. The exscuse "I can't dance" is unacceptable.We`ll appreciate the simple fact that you`re trying.

40. Just because a girl doesn`t pick up on the firstring, doesn`t mean she`s not waiting by the phone.

41. You don`t have to spend alot; if it means alot.

42. Don`t say you love me if you don`t mean it.

43. Don`t lie to us. We will catch you.

44. When the girls get together, we talk abouteverything. meaning, my bestfriends knoweverything about you.

the dream i had

was a sad one. well, to me it was. i felt so sad, i woke up with a heavy heart. i can't disclose it, but all i can say is that it is just so... sad. :(

affected me very muh esp when i heard sad songs. haha.. oh well. they don't call me emotional for nothing. :)

--------------------

i have concluded: i'm too scared to go and start another one. i'm afraid.. just very afraid.

mismatched.

today i woke up feeling vey irritatedly sleepy. (haha whats new anyway)

so i went to the toilet and did the normal everyday routine, dressed up for school and went downstais to the comm hall for breakfast.

i walked out of hall together with eunice, vincent (the guy who got me in hall- who i think have no recollection of who i am) and some other law guy.. and i was wondering why the steps my feet took felt uneven. and so i looked down. to my horror, on my left feet was my charles and keith brown sandals and on my right....... my purple flip flops.

how embarassing. -.-

eunice kept laughing and apologised for doing so. haha.. well, i have to admit it is funny. she asked me to go back to change since we only took about 50 steps from our block. but it was already 8 50. so i just hecked. and went to class with my mismatched slippers/sandals. whichever la. haha..

so thankfully i was wearing jeans. however, not that long. while waiting for jamie to come down the steps to the lt, she had a horrified face and said "what happen to ur foot?"

-.-

so throughout our macro and it lect, this woman could not stop laughing. whats best was that other ppl were staring at me. hhahaha.. damm. i mean i nv notice ppl's shoes before la. dunno why so many ppl do that. anyways. jamie actually ssaid she thought i was trying to act cute. haha. whatever la!!

oh wells, at least i manage to survive the stares. and i think i look quite funky la. hahaha..

what i do to get attn. cmi la!!

hahahahahahahah...

a quick one.

ah. just had markteing lect.. gave up on going to appeal for fna tut later at 1. decided i could do good with 3 hours before my theatre studies tutorial, which reminds me to add that sam quek and me are actually doing a same module. haha.. winnie's stalker. :X

oh wells. i'm gonna meet serene for lunch in a bout 20 min time at biz.

i hope i can get the tutorial slot for macro later.. and then i'll be really happy. please GOd.. *prays*

oh wells.. haven't really feel that i completed my CNY shopping.. because i'm like gg to spend the very little i got on sth cheap and worth. i just realise i haven'y gotten a skirt this year. haha... so i guess i dun have to shave my legs. *ROFL

i watched geisha yday. beautiful. i think ziyi zhang is so pretty.. and gong li aka li gong (HAHA) is so seductive. phwoar. she's hot man.

and after watching how satsu and chiyo were seperated.. i can't imagine parting with corn and jo mo.. so sad man..

------------------

so there's no chingay tonight.. i'm quite sad actually. since sat was so fun and all.. gosh i think i'll miss chingay when its over. i propose we have a chingay dance shirt. haha.. for memories.

the girls with zf. haha..

























winnie and i on our way back- and winnie scared a poor little malay girl in the train. hahaha

THIS STUPID SYSTEM REALLY SUCKS!

WTH IS AN APPEAL FOR!! ARGHHH!!!!

so now.. i end sch very late everyday. please pray i can get the tutorials i really want by begging the teacher. i' like how pissed. no way can i swallow a 5 hour break!! NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:'( i'm freaking disappointed. there goes my sem 2.

bloody system sucks.

i'm happy. :)

stupid tutorials

hais.. just came back from the dean's office. gee. i thought i had to go thru this whole interview thing, and answering questions.. pleading for the tutorial i want and express how desperate i am for that tutorial slot. HOWEVER, what i had to do was just to fill in some form. cheh la. i hope i sound very desperate in the form. now i regret a little.. i should have gone in and find that woman straight and pleas for change of lecture times. CRAP!! argh shit.

miracle that i was able to hear both my alarm clock and hp alarm ring this morning at 8 15. haha.. i mean esp so since ben came over to my room last night, i mean morning at 2 30 am, to check on how i was and to give a me a "benjy cure" which he claims it's very effective. gee. anyway, i thought by doing so, he was really sweet. Of course to those (ESP EVELYN, WINNIE, YEE LIAN, CONSTANCE AND HWEE YING) who really took care of me of this round's food poisoning of dunno what.. haha.. ( yes yes, food poisoning again!! 3 times in 3 weeks!!), thank you so much. i think i would die of loneliness and misery if not for u all.. :) i'm really glad that u guys are my hall mates and my beloveds. haha

so anyways, benny boy came over and entertained me with his encounters with freaking smelly ppl, and then entertained hweeying, winnie and myself later at 3 with some cool videos till about 3 45am.. haha.. yea.. i can actually wake up at 8 15 la.

---------------

Looking back on my week. tuesday has got to be the most depressing day, and wednesday the most painful one.

TUesday:
-all started with the tutorial results. sigh.. only 1 out of 14!!! :(
- an ugly chingay costume- but it looks better the more u see it; however, it must be MY top that has problems lor.. sigh. i bet that tailor made my costumr first, just like how i always make philip's christmas presents first. *ROFL
- and then i had to laugh so hard during chingay practise when i was doing shoulder sit with zhen feng. all the skirt's fault, cover his head. haha lucky my skirt is short la. otherwise, up to now, i'll still be laughing. so i landed weirdly and i hit my chin on my knee. my knee's blu-black is freaking huge, my jaw hurts like hell.
- so i went to sleep, VERY HUNGRY, declined to go for supper due to depression over tutorials. only to wake up at 4 am to lao sai.

*diaos.

Wednesday:
- suffering. from dunno what time to dunno what time.
- didn't go for my 2 lectures. felt very guilty. thought i could rely on weiming to tell me what i missed out on, only to have a reply ,

" oh. i was looking for an excuse for not gg to lecture. then when u msg me, i found the perfect excuse not to go for lecture"

someone please slap weiming.

- i din help out in welcomeback supper preperations. feel so bad..
- i slept the whole day. the WHOLE DAY!!!
- i got stomach cramps too!!!!!!!

i think i am so strong la.

------------------------
so i read on JOseph yday.. and so, God spoke.

Ever wondered why Joseph didn't think himself crazy and ridiculous when he told his brothers about his dreams.. of his brother's sheaves bowing down to him and the sun, moon and stars bowing down to him as well.. diddn't the thought of it made him think it was quite far fetched? the courage needed to tell all ur other 10 older brothers, a younger brother, ur father as well, is so much...

and the fact that he never gave up on God, esp when he was sold off as a slave by his brothers,put in jail for an accused crime, stuck in jail for more than 2 years after the cupbearer was released to serve the king. never did he gave up on God.

The amount of faith we need is really a lot to survive this life on earth. Joseph is my role model la.

and then i read another passage,Job 2:1-10 - this one, God was TOTALLY speaking to me la, no doubt.

Job 2:1-10 talks about how satan approached God, and how God told Satan how strong Job's love for and faith in God is so strong. Thus, Satan plaqued him with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head. despite his wife telling him to curse God and die, Job's humble reply was

" You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" Job 2:10

and so, i read my daily bread. the main point of the reading yday was mainly on being a student as well as a teacher in such situations. student- to learn from these bad things that happen and teacher- to show the world how u overcome it with Him.

i'm obviously not the least happy regarding the tutorials. that i was only given only 1 tutorial slot out of the 14 choices i made!!!!!!! but i am able to learn what i should do when i don't get any slots in the future, which i hope that will never happen. *prays hard* and i pray i get my remaining tutorials!! OH PLEASE LET MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

When i fell that day and hit my chin on my knee, i thank GOd that an orh cheh was all i got. Alvin told me last niight while waiting for winson, that his fren hit his chin on his knee, and his chin split.. meaning u could see the bone.. and the blood and all... all i could mentioned then was " THANK YOU GOD."

And i also thank God for just telling me how freaking strong i am, that i never knew. i could tahan food poisoning as well as stomach cramp, and orh chehs and shoulder aches and headaches. haha.. i'm so strong la!! NOW WHO SAID I WAS WEAK??

i feel like i found new meaning in my relationship with God. :) All glory be unto HIm. Amen.
------------------------

CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!! AHHHHHH!!! i want go shoppinG!!!!!!!

----------------------

Difficulties tend to call out great qualities.

oh btw, i dun noe if u read my blog:

i read ur blog entry and u are so totally selfish.

please la. if the person that left is ur best fren, will u not feel sad;won't you cry? and who are you to comment on what he did to chase her? you are not even him to comment. you don't knoe the whole situation and what has been going on between him and her.

Also, u kids are just so naive. things dun happen just like that. ever wondered why her family must leave? u mean u accept such explanations? all in all, although you got one of the main points right, but you totally don't know the whole picture to comment.

There's more than 1 reason to why people cry when they part.

its because its your issue with the others, i'm not bothering about arguing with you. but i'm with the duck on this one.

just my blog, my thoughts and my jaw freaking hell hurts.

i'm so easily depressed, therefore, i am depressed.

i'm gonna sleep.

stupid tutorials. :(

i'm just so evil. i dun noe how to say it.

oh. i said it already.

anyways, i thought a lot during the bus ride. and i really hate what i'm feeling. becos not only did it consume many brain cells, it made me feel evil. shucks.

i had that stupid feeling at least 3 times already with 3 diff people of 3 different characters . the first one totally put me off. completely. in retrospect, i was super evil.

the second, grew from disgust to sth completely unexpectedly different... and then to.. devastation.

the third, i just experience today.. went from good to 'urgh', back to good and then 'urgh' again.

i reallly hate this feeling. and i have no idea how to go abt getting rid of it.

sometimes, i really hate being laureen goh. simply becauses when she tries to please people instead of herself, she gets hurt. and when she pleases herself, she hurts others.

sigh.

sometmes i believe i will never be able to find it.
----------------------------

i would blog abt sth else, but i noe that people affected by this incident are reading this. so i shan't say it. just that although i'm cool abt it already.. money, esp to me, doesn't come easy. i don't live a luxurious life as you think i do.

sometimes i pretend, sometimes i do it because i want to, sometimes i do it because i have no choice, and sometimes i do it because it is only right. but if you don't understand what or how the system is working or works, u seriously cannot judge a person by her appearance.. because you do not know that she's actually putting on a front.

sometimes its difficult, but i know there's a rainbow. wait till i get my sunshine.. wait till i get it; i'll show it to u, that you totally have underestimated me.

i'm not ambitious; but i defend my God.

-------------------------------

a frightful experience- no words can describe.

-------------------------------

on another note, bash was fun!! mos is huge. i love the retro and white room!! i love my hall mates!

clubbing is fun la!! dammit.



winnie and me. :D

early morning

just came back not too long ago from supper.. had a milo dinosaur and 3 mouthfuls of louis' prata. i'm proud to say that this is my first supper staying in hall (and i'm not kidding).

somehow, i'm overwhelmed with thoughts: stupid, emotional and dunno what else type of thoughts.

not sure what it is, but just everything in general. of my life, my frens, sch, and memories-beautiful and sad.

and i just had to give up reading my marketing notes becos i realised none of my IT notes went to my head. Preoccupied, thats the word.

time passes really fast, i still can't believe i'm in uni. heh. its all happening so fast and i'm getting quite afraid. i know that i've grown up a lot more as compared to 2004 and 2005- in terms of maturity and spiritually. some times i believe my brains are finally workingand that they have been dormant and stuck at the age of 12.

so i turn 20 this year. ha. how frightening. i've been on this earth to close to 2 decades. thats freaky. somehow it just seems like i just started kindergarten ydays. in my green and white kinderland uniform, waiting for the sch bus and crying my lungs out when i was pushed into the bus. i really have a strong dislike for that stupid aunty who assisted the driver in the bus, telling mother to just not worry abt me screaming and crying. (becos corn was braver than me- in terms of first day of sch) But its thanks to that sickening aunty that i learnt wat it meant to be independent.

as years go by, kinderland was bearable. and there was primary sch. i believe those years in the white, black and red building and in the blue and white uniform which i wore for half the years of y life have got to be the best ones. i started taking public transport to school in primary 6.. all the waiting at the bus stop for the bus, the running from one end to another to check which bus: 197,32 and 40 was departing first so that we can get to sch on time. the screaming of when which bus we (paulene, denise and myself) were each in charge of came first. and going to Caltex after school everyday to eat Hersheys' chocolate. ha. i was getting more independent.

and after all these years, the lessons that i learnt, the happiness that i experienced and the pain that i felt, have all been so unique to me. The fact that i'm blogging at this atrocious timing at 4.27 am in hall just goes to show how my story of independence has unfolded.

----------------

when u put ur trust and faith in one person who u really look up to, and to find that in time to come, things change and he/she is no longer the person you know. how would you feel?

i just want to let you noe that i cried. i cried not only because i had never imagine such an outcome; i cried because i feel that you are going the wrong way and i am in no power to tell, rebuke or beg you. and all i can do is just pray and wait for God to speak to u.

But have your eyes been blinded by the things of the world? that your vision is block and you just see what you want to see instead of the real thing? i pray, and i'll keep on praying.. because i look up to you.
----------------

Angels worship at your throne...
My Redeemer lives.

shifted back to hall le..

:) okie. gtg sleep. wanna eat breakfast tmr!

--------------------------

i think my timetable this sem won't look that good.

-------------------------

the early bird catches the worm.

winnie!! i love u so much!! thank u for solving my worries!! gosh!!

muacks muacks muacks muacks muacks muacks muacks muacks muacks muacks muacks muacks

ah...

another week passed. school's starting tmr. how boring. really. well.. at least we are moving back to hall.. which is another boring thing- only the moving of MANY things back and the smaller toilet and the absence of family and laur co, etc.

but oh well.. new year, new sem, new start. start to study again.. *yawn

dokies. i have yet to pack my stuff to bing back to hall.. all those bidding of mods getting me really cranky and crazy. i hope weiming doesn't kill me for my choice. i feel so guilty. but hey. its my results. then again.. only left 12 spaces. please God.. let me take it.

-----------

today was a cold, rainy wet day. best to be at home, snuggled under my blanket.. with laur co next to me..

but oh well. gg to church is more worth and impt.

before service started, i read what i didn't read the day before.. GEn 18-20.. i think. too lazy to check la. anyways, how appropriate for me to have read the whole event of how Abraham bargained with God over righteous ppl living in Sodom and gomorrah; how Lot's family was saved and how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt..

i didn't really think much abt it simply because i heard this story over a million and one times. no revelation.

during the message, uncle kng yan preached abt passion.. that u will only get a deep and real passion only when u have a revelation.

later, during thr combined MKC-Youth prayer, pastor asked us abt our desires. not only that, he emphasised to press on forward, to move on, not to look back on what we have previously done, our records and memories. how appropriate was it for him to say

" in Luke... the shortest verse... and it says.. 'Remember Lot's wife'."

how appropriate.

how my heart totally just understand what made me read that oh-so-famous passage that morning.

God was speaking to me. then and there. right into my heart. i heard it.

and He said very clearly,

"Laureen, press on forward. Don't look back. Remember Lot's wife."

How wonderful God is, to know exactly what has been in my heart the past year.

--------------------------

2006: a new start, a new life, a new me.
------------------------

daryl (aw), u idiot. y didn't you tell me. anyway i'm moving back to hall.. nearer to ur side; and i still have ur christmas present. ha. ok. we really haf to meet soon. haha. tell ur sis and bro i'll miss them. *sigh

yay!! we celebrated evelyn's birthday today!! hahaha

although she said she expected the card becos constance and i were caught off guard. *grumbles* but she didn't expect the cake!! yay!! haha.. i'm such a sweet fren. *smiles* keke.

anyway, evee.. hope u like the slippers. haha.. sorry man.. they didn't have yellow ones. :(

---------------------------------

ah! winson found sponsors!! haha.. he's soooooo zai la. he clinched UOB sponsor la.. clinched doorgifts sponsor la.. gee.. starts to feel like a 1 man team. aiyah but wth. hahaha... woots! less work for all of us! hehe. but i think we should at least find one each ba.

sometimes i think he treats us too nice till i totally dun really care abt what he thinks. hahaha. such as coming in 1 hour late for meeting. hehe.

oh wells, at least he has my respect for tolerance level. haha..

--------------------------------

people should really be professional by being sensitive when they do their jobs. seriously.

there's this 'tiko' in dance. i'm damn scared of him now. wth la.

sigh. we all have to run far far from him.

i actually shiver when i think of how he said it and his lecherous expression on his face. seriously, nothing can go more tiko than that.

ok. i need a "biao bao". eh. nono.. "bao biao".

-------------------------------

meeting dawn, myra and jan tmr!! its been 3 long years. how sad eunice can't ake it tmr. :(

------------------------------

'memories are meant to be remembered, not to be lived in.'

~stephanie low.

in His time

ooh!! i forgot to add that i was on TV on the 1st!! haha.. looking ah ma, and i thought people wouldn't recognise me but 2 people already said " I SAW U ON TV!" GEE..

i blame it on qi jing's blue pants. although there's no link. but i dun care. haha

----------------------------------
dokie. i was thinking if i would actually see her a few days ago.. and i saw her on 31st. at BISHAN la. hahaha how SCARY la.

hmm.. i really thinks she's pretty. and i really thought they were really mfeo. i mean, ya. but gee.. she's much prettier than the current one. seriously. i rather the former's attitude, character, personality , whatever compared to the latter. and she talks to me lorrrrr.. and i can clique with her better too..AND SHE'S SO PRETTY LOORRRR.

prob its the change in mindset that caused me to not have a strong liking for her. but..

gee. no buts.

sigh. so sad.. but oh well.. it's his choice anyway. its more of who touches his heart more than who touches mine.

but i really think she's pretty. at least prettier than the other. and i rather her. ok u get my point.
----------------------------------
i had a dream again last night. i can't describe it. i don't know if i've been anticipating it; desprate for it; not wanting it. i totally have no idea.

the missing birds got me all in a frenzy. why?
1. sense of responsibility?
2. becos i care how he will treat me?
3. or.. because of him??

EWWWW. yucks. gross. wth.

oh goodness.. i'm quite scared. but i don't know the real reason. this is killing meeeeee.

---------------------------------
ok i read someone's blog. then i felt very sad all of a sudden.

ahhh shits. not that i dun haf faith; its just the waiting that is causing me to suffer from anxiety.

bah. whatever.

so if people can move on.. why can't i?

ok. my theme song for the year..

"i like to move it move it.."

ok. i'm sick. somebody help me.
-------------------------

bin ling diana yina: hellu. discusiion of time tables soon, please!

--------------------------

if everyday was simply a holiday; how wonderful life would be.

oh! i forgot!!

HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY EVELYN!!!

*SMILES* i really hope u had a happy day. :) oh come on.. check out ur new swatch! u better say u r happy.. hahahaha!! but i'm really happy for u la!! :D

alritey. today started off not very good. haha

i was woken up by a sharp pain in my stomach at 4 am in the morning laaaaaaa!!! fed up. went to the toilet and Lao-ed everything out. hehe.

and then again at 9 am. of which i refused to get out of bed by then, so i went back to bed, with a sms to winson that i'll be late for meeting which was at 11. hahaha..

perhaps i was boasting abt the good food i ate the day before that i kena food poisoning of a certain dimsum. i dunno. i only realised at night when i told father that i've been laoing and he too, went to the toilet for the similar cause more than 3 times. hahaha..

and while corn, mother and jo are perfectly fine. i wonder how ah kong is.

ah. see where i got my weak stomach genes from. cheh.

on my way to hall, i msged winson, telling him i was leaving house at 11. and told him i was gg to hall although i wasn't feeling very well because of his marketing meeting and if i died halfway, he better save me. of which he replied " ya, i will save u. but please reach hall safely."

oh wells.. so i reached hall at 12 45. heh. hahahahah... evelyn and winson were waiting for me la. so paiseh. but hey. i treated them chicken rice.. with winson's " ji fan jia rou" (like some carnivore) and i think the aunty who packed the chicken rice knew i was late for my meeting or sth.. she decided to punish me by giving me the packet with lots of fats, skin and bones. while the other 2 ( esp the "jia rou" wan) totally boneless.

fed up.

anyway, like as if i was in any condition to eat chicken rice, i ate less than 1/2 the pack before i threw it away. so oily. yucks.

so we started filming our MV of which i dun have much comments for because i zhao halfway, when my stomach gave me problems again..

dance later was just cleaning throut so it was quite boring yet funny. i mean how can it not be funny when u have aaron doing his mambo moves. hahaha.. and his facial expressions are so irrrritatingly irritating, haha.

so no stunts todat.. not even shoulder sit with zhen feng. because i told him i'll totally fart in his face if he couldn't make it. ahahahahaahah.. and if qi jing spinned me, i'll just vomit everything out. hehe.

so yay. managed to had a stunt-free day.

before we left hall, had a talked with puay san and constan-teeny. realised i was actually oblivious to what was gg on ard me.. hehe..

so while i took the bus home with constance, we talked abt someone else and how we all find him eye catching; while i was wondering if the opticion in harbour front was still open because i ran out of my contact lens solution.

oh just FYI, the opticion was closed la. sian.
---------------------------

life's difficulties are to make one better- not bitter.

someone, remind me that please.

had such a great day today!! :D (or rather yday)

becos it was mummy's birthday, we went to eat dimsum buffet at tung lok.. in east coast! haha.. whats so funny was that chong was asking me which restaurant actually had dim sum buffet.. and i ended up eating it instead of him. haha.. :X

anyways, ah kong took a bus down to our place before father drove us all to
the restaurant. Ah kong got hp la. so hip man. hahaha.. his ringtone is the irritating ketchup song la. even more hip. oh well.. what to do. its MY ah kong ma. hahahaha...

and there we were.. eat until we all nearly burst. ah kong was the first to give up because he had breakfast before meeting us. and i was obviously 2nd. haha.. mother said i was controlling my diet. i'm like o please.

anyways, we sat there till the buffet ended. and we sent ah kong home.. proceeded to Tamp mall to watch Narnia. whats so beautiful about this movie is not the movie itself; but my whole family watching together. :) haha.. so happy lor.

Narnia is a gooood show. really.

anyways, after walking ard Tamp for a while, mother insisted we had to eat sth for dinner even though all of us were super full. haha.. so mutton soup, it was! yummy. :D

when we reached home.. we cut the Mango ice cream cake corn bought the day before. tasted great.

anyway, i'm super full now, i can puke out a cow.

-------------------------------

i dreamt another dream last night..

i dreamt i saw a few words beside my name on ur reflections.

i wish it were true; i wish i could just stop being a fool.

mummy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY mother Goh!! :D

i love you~ :D

becky just asked me to join daryl, dicky and herself at orchard. siao lor.. os late liao.. hahaha.. not that i actually mind la.. just that its raining now and i dun want to dress up for juat a short period of time.. wastes so much energy...

haha i just read winnie's reflections of her 2005.. so being ever so bored i shall just do mine now..

Reflections on 2005.

January: oh yes. i started work at SAA. wahaha.. quite fun. managed to earn money. increased frequencies of shopping trips. happiness level increased. esp from setbacks faced from the previous year. start of $2 lunches which only includes porridge, peanuts, luncheon meat and vegetables.

Feb: even happier when i found out my boss and her subordinate's secret. life at SAA improved tremendously. Pay for Jan came in super late. quite pissed abt it. start of wok for diana and daniel.. CNY was great. :) although it just wasn't as happy as the year before. but nvm.

march: cannot really remember much, but all i noe was i was still working, and still happy with mypay. pay kept on increasing although i kept on slacking. Results of A's released. thank GOd. :)

April: tuition kid. GEE. new experience.

May: zOO!!! :D

June: dunno la. chose uni liaoo rite? major decision. super headache.

July: finally ended work. din play very much but still.. haha.. managed to get mother's union award. woohOO!! aunty ruth and bro tim celebrated my bday hahah.. my deep red IRIVER and my adidas striped watch. bro helped me pull strings for hall. :)

Aug: a/c starts to run dry. no money liao. sch starts.. hall starts. :)

Sept: trying very hard to adapt..

Oct: Krystel's exams. major headache.

Nov: Exams.

Dec: CHINGAY. diaos. Church skit: BEautiful. :) exam results too. :D

it feels like i don't know you anymore.

sigh.

Christmas

i can sing this over and over and over again!! :)

Christmas isn't Christmas

Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart
somewhere deep inside you is where christmas really starts
so give your heart to Jesus and u'll discover when you do
that christmas, is really christmas for you

Jesus brings warmth like a winter fire
a light like a candle glow
he's waiting long to come inside
as he did so long ago

Jesus brings gifts of truth and life
and makes them bloom and grow
so welcome Him with songs of Jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooyyyyyyyyy
and when He comes, you'll know that..

Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart
somewhere deep
inside you is where christmas really starts
so give your heart to Jesus and
u'll discover when you do
that christmas, is really christmas for you!!

Merry Christmas everybody!!!! :D

i dunno

hhahahaha.. a certain person just asked me sth so funny. i felt like laughing.

u noe.. the roariing type of genuine happy- mouth-open-really-wide laugh, i always have...

but this laugh wasn't a similar one.. the question pierced right through my heart, i ended up about to cry instead.

haha.

i appreciate all u guys who would ask me to cheer up. but some things, are just not that easy to change ur mindset, not that i want to be in a pathetic state, but things are just the way it is.
---------------------

d c c,

i l u v m. i s d. i d n k i u s l m. b i w u d. w s m o w o l, s i h b a 1 y p. b b t l-s f t i a, i s j c f y. i s d g j r u f t.. i g s j, i w t b t g u. p, i j l R, i l w l; b p i n!!! i j w t l i y a o a, t f y w; t h y h b; t f u b o m n; a u r t m t y l m.

and that is all i want for Christmas. will u grant my wish?

love, Laur.

P.S/ but oh. u wouldn't understand it, would u? simply because.. i can't say it out... its illegal, its prohibited, its not allowed; its forbidden.

but i know, deep in my heart, sth will happen, some one will come, and tell me.. " it's all been a bad dream."

and i'll open my eyes, to a new day, a new chapter, a new life; and i'll embrace it with wide- opened arms, because i know.. someone is waiting; some where.. out there.. in the glorious sun, and the beautiful meadows, anticipating me with the same feelings.

i just have to wake up.. WAKE UP!!

urgh. and we wonder, why is it a chore to get out of bed.

---------------------
S C C K: I L U V M, U J D K I, n u'll nv noe it.. never..

because.. i can't make the same mistake. ever ever ever again.

Perhaps. Love.

watched "perhaps. love" yday. because stupid cinemas refuse to give pride and prej. a bigger theatre; have very rude aunties who don't understand wat "service with a smile" means; and atrocious timings.

i was strongly against watching the movie actually. but somehow, minnie won. hahaha... oh well, nvm.

so yes, i agree it was a good movie. zhou xun is a good actress. the more i watch her, the more i think she's pretty,. with longer hair, of course.
-------------------

so corn's not gg with us to shanghai... again. she didn't join us for bali last year. there are like many things i want to say. but i somehow, can't piece the sentences together. i just wish it would be the last trip she won't be coming. i like my family to do things together.
-------------------

yday, marks the end of the $8 in my atm. hahaahah... its 2 digits now. WOOHOO! and i believe it will grow.
-----------------

"Say that sentence; that comes from ur heart.

say that you love me ... all along.

Perhaps.. you loved me."

shanghai

WOOHOO!! i'm gg to fly over the skies!!

shanghai!!!!

aeroplane fOOD!! wooHOO!

so.. i'm going to spend my holidays gay dancing away. ha.

its fun.. getting flipped all over again. haha.. but yday's stunts have left me with a potential orh chech on both sides of my waist. and there's practise later..

i can conclude that gay dancing helps us to bond better. that supper at 85 on tues was really good. thank God for zeming who has the car, and drove us home. hahaah.. reached home at 1 30am, tired and drained, but still had the energy to play a gfew rounds of spider, before i slept like a pig till the next morning.

yday was horrendous. had blk comm meeting as well as sp marketing meeting. met winnie at tamp to go to hall..

marketing meeting was bad. like reaaal bad, simply becos i've not been calling people at all.. i haven't even called today yet. i simply can't be bothered i think the fact that the virus in my lappy has taken further action once again.. and i can't even log on. sucks. screwed. winson is gg to kill me.

oh well.. time to go for another gay dance.. :)

AHH

hahaha.. So.. its over. Jane is officially married to Benson. hmm.. its really very funny, yet not surprising, as to how many people have the same impression of him as me. gee.

anyways.. shots after the dinner: my official debut. hahaha

my first Bacardi Coke.

me, with a big smile

laureen and her Bacardi

and its me and the drink again!!

i finished it. ALL of it. hahahahaa.. and felt soooo hot after that. hahaha..

woohoo!! :D

KHATWEE

Tommy:

haha.. i dunno when and how u'll see this.. but i'll just be nice and post sth here for u.

oh please lor hor. haha anyway, its KHATWEE becos since ur passport does not have ur english name in it, i changed the Y to a T. unless u wanna include ur TOMMY in front, then it would be TOMMY NG KHAY WEE. if not.. NG KHAT WEE is it. yep. sounds great. hahaah.. enjoy US, U (as)S. and stop sounding like u r being forced to go and act alll pathetic la. so irritating lor u.. U S. oh ya.buy us branded stuff i dun care too!! hahaha buy B1 and B2's pyjamas. so we all can wear it. ahahahahaha

"my parents force me to go US wan la.. i don't want to go lor.."

shuddup la u. haha


---------------------------



HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY LIN WEI LING!! I LOVE U MANY MANY!! :D

--------------------------

exams.. are finally over. hair is finally not BLACK.

many many things to DO!! meetiing frens from everywhere.. dinners and lunches, (window) shopping, wedding to attend, move my stuff out of hall and into the lounge.. get all ready for Christmas, PLAY SPIDER. HAHAHAHAHAHA.. oh yes.. and being daphne.

exciting exciting.

but its so difficult when there's $8 (yes, still $8) in ur atm only. i think i can only drink plain water when ppl eat. hahaha.. i am so pathetic.

foodcourt, anybody?

Hairy: 1 dec.. dinner.. with diana and me?? shall we ask bennie minnie and tommy too?? and prob dinie?? hahahaha..

SHITT!!! dammIT!!

i'm like addicted to the Spider game. shit shit.. this is lie really bad.. i'm like not studying.. but playing spider.. and econs today was really bad. oh nooooooooooo...

i thought it was over.

i thought i would be brave enough.

but somehow, i was wrong. i realised my fears, yet again.

its just amazing how that picture we took, out of the other thousands that night, was perfect- in every way- even though, the background was unbelievably sucky.

but it still turned out perfect.

i think i'm confuse all over again.

i'm consoling myself.. because i know u are not the reason; but there's this nagging feeling inside of me, i can't seem to get rid of it.

yes yes. i wonder why too.

"..an immature 19 year old who just can't seem to think the way other 19 year olds can.."

hmm... i dunno..

firstly, i don't think u'll read this. but anyway,

i hope u didn't mean it.. what u said.. that day when u called and i sort of like shutted u up..

i'll catch up with u after exams!! reallYYYYYY!!!

--------------
hmm.. its a certain "once-a-good-fren"'s birthday today. heard she's in aust. i dun really hate her. i just dislike her.. simply becos of her obsession with changing boyfrens. then again.. i dunno la.

where, o, where does true love lie?

in awe

yayyy.. 1 down. :) like finally la. haha..



it's amazing how God knows what i'm thinking. :)

immaturity

i seriously don't get it. why am i always the last to finish my exams. URgh.

ok that sounded so immature. but still... URGH.

i need a trip to do sth to my hair. i can hardly wait

then again, my atm left only $8...still. sian laaaaaaaaaaaa.

guess i'll just have to beg ard. oh! i have CNY angpao money!! :D $50 left though. hahaahahah

aiyah whatever la.. last 3 chapters of mno. GREAT.

i still have legal to worry about: anyone!! tell me!! is auction considered selling in the course of business??!!! can s 14 of SOGA apply?? anybody?? bro???

aiyah. actually i'm not as stress as compared to others la. i think actually i'm quite relaxed. prob i should have gone smu. ahhh. then again, i think i'll just die there.

ah whatever la. dunno what i'm typing also. bleah.

i need to go out. AGAIIIIIINNNN.

all of a sudden i miss my secondary sch frens- a lot. including the smelly steph and the stinky sam

KILL MEEEE.

i hate studying.

give me my holidays.