early morning

just came back not too long ago from supper.. had a milo dinosaur and 3 mouthfuls of louis' prata. i'm proud to say that this is my first supper staying in hall (and i'm not kidding).

somehow, i'm overwhelmed with thoughts: stupid, emotional and dunno what else type of thoughts.

not sure what it is, but just everything in general. of my life, my frens, sch, and memories-beautiful and sad.

and i just had to give up reading my marketing notes becos i realised none of my IT notes went to my head. Preoccupied, thats the word.

time passes really fast, i still can't believe i'm in uni. heh. its all happening so fast and i'm getting quite afraid. i know that i've grown up a lot more as compared to 2004 and 2005- in terms of maturity and spiritually. some times i believe my brains are finally workingand that they have been dormant and stuck at the age of 12.

so i turn 20 this year. ha. how frightening. i've been on this earth to close to 2 decades. thats freaky. somehow it just seems like i just started kindergarten ydays. in my green and white kinderland uniform, waiting for the sch bus and crying my lungs out when i was pushed into the bus. i really have a strong dislike for that stupid aunty who assisted the driver in the bus, telling mother to just not worry abt me screaming and crying. (becos corn was braver than me- in terms of first day of sch) But its thanks to that sickening aunty that i learnt wat it meant to be independent.

as years go by, kinderland was bearable. and there was primary sch. i believe those years in the white, black and red building and in the blue and white uniform which i wore for half the years of y life have got to be the best ones. i started taking public transport to school in primary 6.. all the waiting at the bus stop for the bus, the running from one end to another to check which bus: 197,32 and 40 was departing first so that we can get to sch on time. the screaming of when which bus we (paulene, denise and myself) were each in charge of came first. and going to Caltex after school everyday to eat Hersheys' chocolate. ha. i was getting more independent.

and after all these years, the lessons that i learnt, the happiness that i experienced and the pain that i felt, have all been so unique to me. The fact that i'm blogging at this atrocious timing at 4.27 am in hall just goes to show how my story of independence has unfolded.

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when u put ur trust and faith in one person who u really look up to, and to find that in time to come, things change and he/she is no longer the person you know. how would you feel?

i just want to let you noe that i cried. i cried not only because i had never imagine such an outcome; i cried because i feel that you are going the wrong way and i am in no power to tell, rebuke or beg you. and all i can do is just pray and wait for God to speak to u.

But have your eyes been blinded by the things of the world? that your vision is block and you just see what you want to see instead of the real thing? i pray, and i'll keep on praying.. because i look up to you.
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Angels worship at your throne...
My Redeemer lives.