owwwwwwwwwwwwwww.. my head is hurtingggg.. really badly... dunno why...

prob its the boring work.. or perhaps, nobody's interested to msg me online. but maybe the answer lies with my new pretty expensie specs.

i dunno.

my new specs.. oh boy.. its a beauty. its purple and blue mixed.. haha.. but yina saw me yday and she said "$380?! look like $50!!!"

that woman very qian da la.. piang.. its like 8 pieces of $50 note can....

argh.. been reading ppl's bloggies.. i'm so bored la.. piang. i found sijie's blog. haha.. si jie is my neighbour. he looks like a big brown bear.

haiyaaa.. yday go home at 5.. todat go home at 7.. and its 5 now. and i have 2 more hours to go.. this is so tortourousssssss.. o my goodness.. i feel like screaming.

diana just came in the room.. after bitching abt wat mandy(some woman from her dept) ordered her to refill some air con thing, which diana is not gg to do.. she said she was gg home.. arGH. i'm so jealous.

did i mention that doranne got sacked.. haha... its so funny.. she only worked for 1.5 weeks la. according to tana (the sweet and friendly cleaner), they employed some other "plump"girl to take over dor's job. prob because the woman is so slack in her work..

haha.. i was gg down the escalator and walking towards the whatever-you-call-it thing to go through.. i saw hai ling.

"hey!! what u doing in aljunid man.. at this hour of the day??"
"hey!! i work here.. at CPA House."

diao.

"i work on the 6th floor!"

diao some more.

haha anyway.. we had and will have lunch together from today onwards. haha.. since she goes for lunch by herself as well. hahaha

we are such poor things... have to eat lunch by ourselves before ppl find us.

and.. the clock shows 5:18pm.

arGH.

i finished one whole box of poky just now.. i think need to buy more man. haha.. i'm really gg to be fat again.. sian la.. i need to run. but i'm so tired.

anywayyyy.. since i've got so much time and i'm supposed to be working.. lets continue part 2 of the place where i work..

(remember "part 1: the reception area"? this is "part 2: CPE dept")

as mentioned earlier in an entry which is quite long ago.. i discussed the characters that owned the reception area. so u enter at the entrance, and u walk straight to counter no: 4, turn riught and walk straight. in about 5 steps.. u rhave reached the CPE dept.

yea. i still haven't found out what CPE actually stands for.nvm la.. thats not impt.

so.. in this dept.. there are 5 ppl.

Paul Tan: the head of the area. he's the one who asked my sister's primary school fren's boy friend if they could find anybody to walk. *tada* i appeard. anyway.. he reminds me of jimmy from pinocchio (although nobody can ever beat nuha in this category) and he's actually very nice. he commented on my specs like an hour ago.. he said i look really good in them. HAHA. oh. but his laughter is quite.. erm.. nvm.

some guy: i never knew his name. he looks 40 plus.. married i think. and i also think he's very interested in muey thai.(some boxing boxing thing that diana picked up). he never talks to me la. anyway, do i look like i give a crap about him? no.
lets move on..

Wendy: she's so sweettt!!! i love her!!! she's like this really fun person to be ard with.. she's so friendly to me and always talks to me. she's not fat but she's not skinny either. aiyah. she's just so cute.

esther: her eyes are so nice!! her pupils are like so black and so big.. so it makes her look really sweet.. her voice is so demure also.. i think on par with dione ba. haha.. very very sweet
last but not least...

judy: *SCREAMS* i think she's sooooooooooooooooooo hot and sooooooooooooooooooo prettY!!!! oh my goodness.. she looks like those oriental beauties.. she looks like zhang zi yi.. just that got some parts different la.. dunno how to see also la.. but she's really pretty.. REALLLLLLYYYYYYYY hot!! oh gosh.. it was her bday on the 8th. (same as bro tim) so i wished her happy birthday.. then she smiled at me an i nearly died i tell you... right there in front of her.

haha.. she's really pretty.. *siGH*

yep so thats just the CPE dept. i seriously have no idea how to explain the way they sit.. but the 5 of them work in a corner la.

so opposite the 5 ppl, there's this room..

in this small room.. there's 5 computers.

3 of which belongs to effandy

effandy: this malay guy who i think is very funny. he tries to talk to me whenever he feels there's sth to talk about. he's really funny and he reminds me of wadi (03s209) haha.. not like i noe wadi personally.. but nvm. thats besides the point. anyway.. he's like the only malay guy ard. and he's the tech expert here la.. if ur comp or anything got proble.. u scream for effandy. haha.. effandy has 3 comps to himself because 1 is for his personal use(thats the flat screen one..) and the other 2 is for some camera video thingy... which is used to take the attendance of the students.

i tell you.. its so high tech even i can't believe that there's actually such crap.

so anyway,.. those faces of which the "camera cannot capture"will have to go to this room and sign on this paper thingy, indicating what time u sign in and sign out.and because its so dumb to stand in front of the camera for a long period of time.. everybody rather sign the paper.
and because i sit opposite effandy (temporarily- which means i'm using one of the comps) i get to see all the different type of faces china have produced.

goodness.

the students are so weird looking.. the classic example: the "chicken".

i termed him as the "chicken"because, gosh, u must really take a look at his hair. He has long hair which is of the length below his shoulders, of which is rebonded. and dunno what he does.. he pushes his fringe, of which is long too, to the back. creating this 'pong'look at rhe top of his head. he is so chicken looking. gosh.

because effandy is in india now.. many ppl take turns to use his computers... there was this once judy was sitting there (effandy's table is opp me; so i face him and he face me) and the chicken guy came to sign.(isn't it a wonder.. with hair like that the camera cannot recognise him..) she jumped when she saw him. and when he left.. she and i started laughing.. she told me in her sweet voice, "wo yi wei shi nu sheng!" (i thought it was a girl)

*minus points for speaking chinese*

then there's this china couple. hahahaha.. they both have the same afro hairstyle. that is so funny.. i always want to burst out laughing whenever they sign their names..
in short, i see weird china ppl everyday. not only do i see them, i HEAR them.. and thats bad enough.

and then there are those cheaters.. who came in very late or didn't go for class also.. and they secretly try to squeeze their names in between the lines of the paper. and the best part is they think i'm not looking. and there's also those who sign for their frens.. whatever man. got caught already still doing the same mistake.. siao wan.

the last computer is used for monitoring the LCD screen outside, above the security guard table. where students note the venue of their class thru this 3 screens. quite cool also la.. actually..
anyway.. effandy's coming back on the 17th.so happening man.. go india. oh btw.. i found his blog.. haha.. ok thats besides the point.

arGHHHh.. and the time is 6:39!! after writing so long.. piang...

its been like so long since i last blogged.

mainly because of 2 reasons:
1. not a very good idea to blog since michelle can see what i'm doing. not very convenient to start blog-complaining.
2. the keyboard at home is crazy. using it can be very pek chek.

arGH. its 4plus now.. i'm supposed to work till 6 everyday from now on.. buut because mother called me just now.. she told me my new specs and contacts are readYYY!!! *REjOICE* so i begged michelle to let me off at 5 today coz uncle closes his shop at 6. so i have to work till 7 tmr. well.. act i rather this way because i can then go to cell straight.. rather than wondering in bedok doing nothing.

the best part of the conversation was when mother told me how much each item cost.

my brand new contacts of which are the perfect size of my eyeball: $450
my 2 toned specs: $380

ahhhhh.. so ex. can faint...

my atm a/c still left 3 digit.. haha.. mother ask me to pay for my specs today and she'll mail the contacts cheque to uncle later.

haiyohhhhh.. my eye sight really cost a lot of money..

oooo.. the ppl behind just sing birthday song.. haha.. its eileen's birthday!!! (YAY!! got cake to eat..)

hmmm...i'm like sneakily blogging by writing on 'notepad'and then copy paste on blogger.. sneaky sneaky.. too much influence from diana.. hahaha... *oops*

hehe.. i just talked to him online on monday while i was at work. haha.. i said ï miss you' all of a sudden..didnnt noe what came over me.. but well.. it is the truth.. haha.. he didn't reply me for quite some time. so i tried covering my ass and joke about it..i said it ás a fren'but that was like so fake. anyway.. he replied me like 15 min later. he laughed and said ïts been so long.. how come u still miss me?" and i said ï dunno.. u are just very special to me." his reply was "really?? u noe sth? i never took out our neo from my wallet.. its still there.." and all i can manage was "äwwwwwwwww..."

its ok that we ain't together anymore, i guess.. what matters is that he still remembers me.. and i'm so happy i was floating on monday.

alrite.. i left 1/2 hour more to blog nonsense..

mmmm.. i just ate eileen's cake.. its good man.. i still dun understand why bro tim doesn't eat cakes.. i think he's so weird. haha.. but i still love him. i mean how can i not love someone who promised to take me out drinking on my bday this year??? hahahahaa.. this reminds me of the first time i drank..

*the dreamy music daniel ong always plays*

last year's class chalet. the ppl old enough to buy such alcoholic drinks.. yina and me.. so we went into 7-11 and just stared at all the bottles. so many colours, so many flavours, so many bottles; all of different size and tastes. (trying to rhyme)

in the end, we pulled derrick in.. who with such a "know-it-all" face reccomended a few.. and left.

so the both of us were stranded there.. in front of the big fridge. haha.. we deciided to go for some transparent bottle.. the label reads "vodka sth sth.."

"eh yina.. it says here 55% alcohol leh.. is it very strong??"

"er.. i dunno.. aiyah whatever.. iots the cheapest anyway."

so we took out 2 bottles and went to the cashier.. where this lady stared at us.. for quite some time.

"äre u 18? i mean i can sell it to u even if u 2 are not 18 la.. but u all must be careful... "
(the auntie is so anyhow.)

"auntie.. dun worry la.. we are 18!! we show u our ic" we were so proud of buying our first 2 bottles of vodka.

when we stepped out of the 7-11.. we showed derrick what we bought.

i said "it reads 55 % alcohol.. is it very strong??"

derrick's eyes open so big.. it felt like it was bigger than mine.

"55%?! siao ah!! where let me see??"

and he took the bottle..

.. and he started laughing.

"55% ur head la!! its 5.5%!! can't u see the dot in between?? wear specs still like that"

and everybody laughed so hard. it was so paisehhhhhhhhh..... hahaha...

i brought home the empty bottle that night and left it on one of the display shelves in my room.
these stupid things happen. but its just so memorable. haha..

actually.. i quite love my class..

diana: i just love yoU!!

bin: i love you toooo.. u are so dumb (not the -ve way. i just couldn't find the right word.) and so funny. i like to be ard u.. haha

ling: i love you alsooooo.. i like to listen to all ur stories. haha.. and i really really like ur smile and ur bo chup attitude!!! and the colour pens.. and just beeing so much whiter than me.. haha

yina: i also love you!!! all the gossip.. haha and the love.. and the unforgettable stomach.. hahaha..

hanee: u are just the prettiest and tallest malay girl i've ever seen.. and u are like so nice to be with when we start to bitch about other ppl.. "i have a fren call haneee.. her bf name is bennee........"

manna: manamanamanamana.. u are just so sweet and so huggable.. and so nice and i just love everything about YOUUUUUU... esp untying ur shoe lace.

okay. i'll cont with the rest of the class tmr.. BECAUSE ITS 5 ALREADY!!!

SPECS!! here i cOMEEEEEE!!!

*disappears*

diana darling.. here's 2 verses for u:

Isaiah 55:8-9

8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD .
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

i probably would nv noe how u feel.

but i just want to let u noe.. i'm always here for u.

i love you.

not too long ago.. i figured that my uniform days are over.

it was the end of it when i signed that piece of paper which indicated that i have taken my results slip.

yep. i screamed when i saw it.

seriously.. its miraculous.

i still remember when i took my GP that day.

i thought i screwed it. i answered the question wrongly. i remembered i was near to tears when i got off the bus to walk up the 'hill'

it was then that the trafic light turned red.

it was then that i lifted my head.

it was then that i saw this orange van of which "RELAX" was written on the van.

i was so sure it came from God.

without Him.. thre's no way i'll ever get tru his stage with such results esp B3 for GP (ref to 20 feb 2004 entry.)

thank u all for ur prayers.

prayers changes everything.

God is good.

hey diana.. thanx for the encouragement.

and btw, u always manage to do a good job consoling me whenever i start complaining.

its great to have u as a classmate since sec 3 as well as a çolleague of a diff dept" who does other sneaky stuff at work just like me.

(ok laugh sneakily now.. ready.. 1..2..3! hehehehehehehe)

love you babe.

(do some work..)

hmmm.. he msged me yday.. he said his IPPT is today..

and that he was having fever yday.. but still managed to passed that obstacle course thing..

...my heart ached.

o.. i finally managed to put on my fav dress- the dress i wore on our first date- to work today.

FRIDAY.

ahh... dun wan.. dun want..

Firstly, congratulations to all 5 of u who did well. I'm really happy for all of you. J think carefully what u want to do bfore u do the JAE yah..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sigh. Just that when u thought u are all grown up: more matured in the way u view things, u are being pulled down into this immature argument that, in one way it seems that, it all started because of u.

I never believed in standing up for what I thought was right before. Not only until recently, when I decided to discover the true me. No longer did I want to remain in my own shell.. that is, caring what other ppl think of what I did.

I just wanted to be that girl- the girl I read in storybooks; the girl I always watched in television; the girl i always admired; the girl who stood for what she believed in.

But its difficult to do so after this incident happened. For once I stood firm on my decision on what I thought was right to do.

I wanted to save a friendship that I knew it would last forever- not between me. But between 2 lil sisters of mine.

It was because of just 1 sentence said- 3 words, rather- that caused this whole saga to start.

All I wanted to do is to end it immediately, because what was being said by 1 of them, A, about the other, B, wouldn't be nice if the latter heard about it. Being in that position before, I knew that such circumstances would destroy the friendship they both shared since young.

And so, once I heard it from the 3rd person, I felt that it was only right if I helped A (the one who told C ( the 3rd person) about B) clear the air, and what she meant was an obvious joke.

I explained it to B with care and concern about what A had said about it and even helped save her skin by explaining the reasons on why she probably said such a sentence.

All I wanted to do is just to be a big sister; to help mediate the storm that was imminent, inevitable, if B heard about it thru somebody else.

I managed to calm B down.

But I failed to do so with A.

And she's so pissed with C now for telling it to me. It may also be that she's pissed with me for telling it to B.

I feel so bad. it seems that I managed to really save the friendship between A and B. as well as B and C. but I did not see the strong wind that capsize the ship of which A and C are in.

C said he doesn't blame me and was fine with it. But oh, please!! He was just being scolded by a lil girl with all the vulgarities u can ever imagine. Perhaps he saw it as a childish act; perhaps I should too. But its difficult to think so now because it all started with me.

I msged A to apologized to her for not considering her feelings as much as B. I sent her 12 smses to explain why I did it. Only to receive what I believe, was quite a rude response this morning.

What hurts me most is not the fact that she failed to see my point; but, to see a friendship between A and C destroyed.. all because I thought I did the right thing.

Did I do the right thing? Should I even tell ppl that I dare to believe in what I stood for?

After this incident. probably not..

I think I'm in an identity crisis... At the age of 19.
I'm hopeless.

oh man.. so boringgggggggggg....

its 1 40 le.. daniel, merissa, yvonne, grace and cheryl should be getting results soon.. so scared for them. hope they will be able to get the results that they want..

just had lunch.. and todayyyyy.. *doranne joined uS!!! YAY!! haha.. managed to get the job here.. although there weren't any interviews or whatsoever. haha. thanks to diana.. doranne has now a new job!! and its with uS!! YAY!!

doranne is so pretty.. haha and she's so skinny. buut nobody can beat ikan bilis jasmine chan ee teng.

nope.

nobody at all.


*doranne was our sec 3 and sec 4 classmate. and was my sitting partner in sec 3.. the girl's table is unbelievable.. never keeps her books after the lesson is over. i''m still wondering how she manage to study with such a terrible table. she's so much more worse than me. haha..

i dunnooooooooo.. wy is it lik thisssssssss??

u treat that person nicely, bcause everyone treats him like shit. and u just want to be nice to him, because u dun want ppl to treat u the way they treat him.

and in the end.. he *GULP*... likes you. (EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!)

SERIOUSLY!!!!

why am i attracting the wrong group of ppl?!

funny.. but freaky.

it dosn't pay to be nice sometimes.

ohhhh... i'm so confused.

THEY HAVE NOT GIVEN ME MY JANUARY PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aiyohhhh.. tired.

i ran an errand today.. felt like a knight on a quest.

mission: photo frame of the A1 size paper. (about 100cm by 70cm)

work place ----------> IKEA -------------> suntec carrefour ----------------->suntec jigsaw world -------------> IKEA ---------------> work place.

*bought it at IKEA.

IT WAS HUGE.

sun was so hot. BUT.. gg on a quest is so fun. i wouldn't mind doing it again!!!

** i'm OT-ing these 2 weeks!! so cool lor.. get money.

*** PAY COMES TMRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

**** do u noe what i'm talking abouT??

its ok if u dun.

i dun either.

oh boy.. i'm tired.

alrite. i have decided to write longer.

fig out that i have not talk about the characters at work!! how can rite.. well.. here goes..

Aljunid Road. CPA house. next to JUNCtIoN FOOD PLACE (e kopitiam).

#01-03. thats somewhere where i live during the day. (except weekends, public hols and eves of very impt hols)

the dept i am in is called the course and admin dept. (sth like that la.)

many characters working there.

we shall start with the reception area.

this is where students enrol for classes, pay $, and get any of their queries regarding the courses, lecturers, books, vouchers.. whatever answered. it is also the place where you find urself when u push open the door.

take a number at the machine placed at the left of the door and have a seat on the big red/maroon chairs in front of you; till ur number and the counter number that will attend to you flashes on the board on the wall. the tables are placed in a L-shape fashion.

(jus next to the door.)

counter no.1: nobody there. its like a storage table. its is behind the machine that u press for the number.

counter no.2: dione. the sweetest and the most demure girl 'owns' this counter. she treats me really nice and i like her a lot. has been working here about 9 months if i'm not wrong. loves hong kong. (can be seen from the wallpaper of her comp) and is also one of the first ppl to talk to me.


counter no.3: eileen. head of the 'reception' dept(sub-dept of the course and admin dept.). also very sweet. just rebonded hair. also one of the first few to talk to me. (she asked me for my name first.) an ex-saint. lives in jurong. cheena. however, i can't really bond with her.

in between counter 3 and 4 is the photocopy machine. (i'm an expert at it already. 1-2sided, 2-2 sided, 2-1 sided, punch holes, staple, collate...)

this is where the tables change directcion.( faces the entrance)

counter no.4: jun hua. china. came in 1 week after me. welfare officer. round specs. she tried to click with everybody except me. only time we talked was in the staff lounge. think its because of the language barrier tt is causing me not to talk to her.

counter no.5: lynn. an ah lian. hardly smiles. but recently, she looks friendlier. nv spoke to her, till today. actually, i think she is quite nice.

thas the first dept. i shall continue with the rest of the other dept anther day. (too many le.)

alrite. jo wants the comp.

wahaha.

argh.

i'm so sleepy. i'm at work.

bored. everybody went for lunch. and i'm sneakily blogging...

and i hafta watch my back because of the transparent window behind me.....

yep. its valentine's day today.. and i spent it with.. DIANA. hahaha..

i got pretty girl as my date ok. jealous notttt.... ahahahha

anyway.. went out after work today..

went far east walk walk... there's this really stupid shop on the 2nd level.. e name of the stupid shop is AO SORA aka LA FON.

tha dumb shop sells mostly watches as well as pretty necklaces. of which there are NO price tag on them. the new arrivals are hung on some flimsy boards, supported by 2 stupid thumbtacks, and a piece of small paper is stuck there which reads,
USUAL PRICE:23.90
NOW: 15.90

there was no dividers or lines that indicated which pretty necklaces were sold at that price.

NONE.

anyway, these SECOND SHIPMENT OF SOME NEW ARRIVAL WHICH ARRIVED THIS MORNING is being placed OUTSIDE of the shop.

because it was pretty.. diana took it from the pathetic thumbtacks. and placed it back after having a good look at it. but because of the pathetic thumbtacks. the pretty necklace dropped to the floor. so she picked it up and place it back there and we walked into the shop.

this woman. DUNNO APPEAR FROM WHERE, took the necklace and said," excuse me, i think just now u drop the necklace.. the crystal came out."

without waiting for diana to respond, she took it to the salesgirl and complain la.

SERIOUSLY, what is her problem?! she so does not work there!

anywae, the sales girl told diana that it was some stupid policy that if its broken, its sold.

then she said.. "because i dun haf a replacement crystal, i'll sell it to u at 20% off.. that will be $15"

sigh.

"$15?! i though i saw it as $15+ before discount." diana said when we wre gg up the escalator.

so we went back, not feeling very happy with the price diana had to pay.

ARgh. i feel so sick re-enacting the whole scene in my mind again.

anyway, we argued with that girl of who has started to los her patience with us.

i argued why should diana had to pay if its kept OUTSIDE the dumb shop, and anybody could have dropped it. (probably that woman who disappeared after telling diana)

and diana argued for the price, that it should be 20% off $15.90.

but that girl gave all sorts of excuses that $15.90 necklaces is only a selected few.

BUT ITS NOT STATED ON THE BOARD!!

that girl finally resorted to "i'm just doing my job."

boy. we were so pissed.

and obviously, diana's even more pissed...........

*ahEM*

Dear Passerby and -peace- (of whom is not totally at peace )

firstly, i was commenting it on MY blog.

secondly, i accept ur beautiful remarks, of which i will not argue with u because TO EACH HIS OWN, ain't it?

thirdly, to change my blog 3 times in a near month, and to finally feel satisfied with my blog. i think it's still pretty no matter what IDIOTIC crap words that ur fingers are typing on MY tag board.

fourthly, i know the answer as to who will walk this endless road with me.

its JESUS and i'm not alone. and i never will be. (thanx for reassuring me on this point, btw)

fifth, if you can't stand my blog, u really dun need to view it. nobody asked you to. so if u feel disgusted and u want to puke... i'm so sorry.. thats not my problem.

oh and lastly, no matter what an irritant you are, JESUS still loves you.

*smile*
have a great day ahead of you.

and a gentle reminder:

THIS IS LAUREEN'S BLOG. NOT YOURS.

wow.. i think my blog is so pretty!!!!

i washed uncountabe number diferent types of plates and bowls, chopsticks, spoons, forks, pots...during reunion dinner and at kenneth and joyce's house
first time in my whole life.. so many at one shot.. felt like i'm being trained for my ambition: housewife.

and the result of such hard work is the cost of my pair of beautiful( excludiing the small ugly fingernails.) smooth hands...

ITS SO ROUGH NOW!! ARGH...
the skin of my hands all shedding away...so dry and so gross..

feel like some reptile.

i'm starting to think of a different ambition.
housewif-ing is not my thing.

ahh.. i've been eating far TOO many pineapple tarts.. waahaha

siGhz. duun feel really happy happy this CNY... prob because of the appearance of some particular personon the first day at 2nd uncle's house that totally reminded me of a certain someone.

seriously.. i'm so lousy. i noe i just haf to move on but why the heck do i still keep looking back.. what is wronf with MEEEE!!!

arGH.. i hate myself.

no moood la.

siGH. to change a blog skin takes up so much time and patience.

and i'm gg to change my skin again..soon. becoz cannot see photos wan.. so lousy.

then again.. i seriously haf no idea how come my photos cannot be seen.
pisses me off.. yet again.

HELP..

hmm.. for everybody's beautiful information.. my atm account left 2 digits again!!!!!!!!!! argh.. i tell u.. most of it is transport.. somebody should really start complaining about transport fares..

anyway.. chinese new year is coming!! yay.. hehe i'm in a desperate need of money. sigh..

ok anywae. all u ppl reading this post.. please add me into ur msn accounts..: chio_lah@hotmail.com

thanks..

darn.. there's this lizard on the ceiling.. gross...

stupid blogskins.

really pissing me off...

bugis street is so happening!!!!

gosh. i'm tired.

hmmmmm....

the comp screen is so huge.. i feel so small in front of the new comp.. haha.. its like the hugest screen i've seen. ok la. probably exaggerating.. wth.

yay!! january is over!!! finallY!! new pay coming in!! i hope my account can finally reach the 4 digit mark.. i left only 100+ in my account. haha i haven't even bought my CNY dress yet!! argh.

went jurong on sat. haha it was cousin benny's 21st birthday!! haha.. some dinner buffet.. and i was so freaking full..

benny kept calling me 'shorts'. so whatever.. when we took a picture together.. he purposely stand behind me just to emphasise how short i am. what an idiot. best part is my face become so big in the pic.. henry is such a lousy photographer!! (sssshhhhh... dun tell him..) argh. aiyah whatever la.

he kept calling me that thru out that evening.. until i got so frustrated, i told him, "hey pants. u're not very long either!"

but it didn't stop the calling of 'shorts'. guess i have a new nick name now huh.

sheesh.

i met him ydae.. yahhhhhhhhhh.. still thinkis he looks cute even without hair. hehe.. but anyway.. can't expect things to go back to the way things were.. so i guess.. we'll just leave it as that.. *siGH*

V day is coming.. mentos reminded me about it in her letter yday.. some how.. memories of my happiest day just filled my entire brain...

mount faber
cable car
sunset
sakae
wormy
...

it will be a year since the day we got together on that particular special day. but somehow.. replication of that perfect day will never come again with him..

oh well.

*duptz* *duptz* * duptz* *duptz*

*ding* *ding* *ding* *ding *

*duptz* *duptz* *duptz* *duptz*

*ding* *ding* *ding* *ding*

oh no.. i'm catching the disco techno song from corn and kirby. this is bad..

haha perhaps thats how we all felt just this morning at midnight to 6 in the morning when we finally reached home. haha

we spent our beautiful night at the airport. (the airport is getting really boring)

the oldest amongst us bought uno cards. it came with a free beach ball.. which philip blew it after minnie tried to insert some of his own burps into it.. but the ball didn't inflate... so gross. haha

anywae.. we played uno of different styles.. seven-0 uno.. progressive uno.. of which u must say with a british accent "jumped-in!" (otherwise known to us singaporeans.. "INTERCEPT!!") anywae.. refer to philip if u can't say the accent correctly.. nobody does it better than him. wahahaha...

then we headed for coffee bean at 2 plus am to drink coffee and to play silent heart attacks.. haha.. and bluff and dai dee using uno cards... it was hilarious. i kept on losing. except twice. no wonder i dun like to gamble. (WAHAHAHA)

yup.. corn and i reached home at 6 plus. boy.. were we tired.. we smelled like smelly steamboats. haha..

this afternoon went shopping with mother!! i got like new jeans man!! wooHOO!! haha best part is that mother paid for it! thats so great! haha... can buy more jeans with my own money. wahahaha

okie.. gg harbour front with becks tmr to do more shopping. haha.. i haven't found my CNY dress yet.. and my charles and keith birchs.. *arGH*.. can't wait for tmr..

*YawN*

oh bTW!! i owe one whole fun-filled day to mentos. haha please dun rip me off on that day, darling.. haha...

mmm... i have so much things in my head i want to say.. and i dun noe where to start.. so i think and think and then all of a sudden my mind goes blank..

darn. what did i say i want to blog again??

forgetful le.. tsk tsk.. old le.. haha

Oh YAH..

cornerstone last nite was so great.. although i didn't get to see all my kc frens from that church, the msg was so powerful.. 'another time, another place'..

the speaker.. whatever his name was.. 'brought' us to a journey in heaven.. somehow, just listening about how heaven sounds like and the events that will take place with his super loud voice (the kind where u can forget about even trying to close ur eyes to try to sleep), it just cut so deep man.. the thought of what God's gg to say to me about what i have done in this life i led.. scares the shit out of me. haha..

oh God.. have mercy..

anywaes it help me realised how impt my relationship with God is.

my atm account has finally leave the 1 digit number. haha.. i can finally go shopping.. although i still owe treats to ppl.. lucky i cleared some already. i dun think i'm giving anyone else treats besides elsa and adrian.. becoz before u noe it.. my pay is all GONE! and its only like pay for 8 days.

ooo.. i bought a pair of ear rings. yea.. they look cool on me. its time to change the nerdy look. oh man. haha i must learn how to look my age.

hmmm.. there's someone in my life that i really wish to talk to.. but i just dun noe how to start.. this person is so dear to me but its just so difficult for me to start talking to. i'm also afraid that if i talk 'too much', this person ain't gg to talk to me anymore. and this friendship is more than what a normal friendship is. its not a love kind of relationship but more of a type of a family type of thing.

and because its getting difficult to talk to this person. i somehow feel that we're slowly drifting apart.. and it really hurts because this is someone i really look up to. perhaps my expectation of being transparent with each other is too high.. sometimes i wonder when i tell my feelings and whats gg on in my life to this particular person.. am i getting irritating? too self-centered? to the extent that i dun feel like talking to him anymore...

perhaps i'm just way too sensitive.

alrite.. got to go bathe and get ready to go out.. its bowling time with my cell group!!

selamat hari raya haji!! hmm.. does that sound rite? do u selamat that? haha

selamat hari raya.. de ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne ne... (dunno the words.. haniS!! teach me how to sing the selamat sonG!!!!) hehe..

ah. another day of making money has passed. :) did i tell u? i no longer eat lunch alonE!!!!

*cheers*

haha.. jumped at the chance when i heard siew kiong (my manager) talking to that training director about the need to hire temp stuff. haha *screams*

welcome on board diana and my cous daniel!!

happy stuff aside..

poor daryl's in hospital.. doctor suspected and confirmed 2 slipped discs.. i only noe its sth to do with the back. other than that i have no idea wats it about. and i assume and concluded that it hurts like crap because poor daryl looked so pathetic on the bed.. although he was smiling and laughing with me.

daryl: hey bro.. hope u get well soon.. will be praying for u.. coz i wanna see u during olympics on tv shooting arrows...

oh gosh. finally finish another day of work. hours passes so slowly esp after lunch. and u're just so tired u want to close ur eyes for that few seconds... and then u jerk up straight awae because ur head felt like it fell of ur neck.

anywae. 'love pentagon' met up ydae!! haha (sound like some love cult or sth. how did we ever get tt name again??? ) anywae i miss all of u!! so much man.. glad we met up ydae and shared watever's happening in our lives..

anywae.. jasmine chan ee ting is now known to be as skinny ikan bilis. she's so freaking skinny.. the sight of her makes u feel so super fat.

troy chionh jin imm is also an ikan bilis. but her condition is much more stable than skinny ikan bilis. haha. in fact troy looks really good. haha pretty ger eh.. haha

dinah chan siew kheng.. so feminine now lor!! last time go out with us wear shorts and slippers. haiyo. and ydae? jeans and HEELS!!!! (she sae becoz her flats broke)

celestine wong xiu ting.. the hair last time used to be the shottest.. now the hair grow so long. haiyo. haha. thank God i still have celest.. becos e other 3 giants really very.. giant.. and they look.. 18. while the 2 of us still look like 14 year olds.. cannot make it. haha celestinEEEEE we need huge makeover!!! haahhahaa...

anywaes.. took quite a lot of photos ydae.. at the fountain. haha.. once i figure out how to transfer the pics in to the comp and then to load onto my blog. wahaha.. may prob take like a few decades before i actually noe how to do that.

and OH YA.. stupid computer refuses to let me start the msn.. so guys.. really wun see me online at all... haha.. not my fault..*stared innocently at u*... computer fault.

hmm.. i think my blog's boring. haha i must go learn how to put photo photo manx..

oo!! have u seen geri's blog?? i think geri's so prettY!!!!!!!

hehe i haven't talked about my new skin yet..

i was supposed to watch the movie with him.. although he said no, he agreed because he knew cinderella was my favourite princess. haha but what happen in the end? stupid movie opened in cinemas during prelim time.. *grumbles* and we broke after that. haha

anywae.. i watched it with jo the mo at home. it was such a sweet movie.. haha.. and my favourite scene is obviously the part seen above.. haha can u imagine my reaction when i saw this blog??

hehehe.... and chad michael murray is so cutE!!!!!!!

church was great this morning. i listened to sermon. wahaha.. anywae.

philip, bex, jean, kiat, peng chuan, tim and me went for lunch at pastamania bugis todae for lunch~ yup.. spicy chicken rocks man. haha...

came home feeling really tired. (i suspect its because of the lens. the price of vanity. wahaha)

and i got to talk to chong who went in 3 days ago.. he said it was haven there.. chi bao bao zhu hao hao. haha but its only the 3rd day la.. as he says. wahaha.

oh well.. seems like almost all my guy frens all have gone to do national duties..

called benjy on the day of meridian's camp fire. haha.. tot he would be gg there to support... and our conversation sounded like this...

"hi benjy!!"
"hi!!"

"ae.. did u recieve the msg from leonard? are u gg to college tonite.."
" oh the msg about REGULUS leading?? so cool rite?? haha but no i'm not gg!! i'm in camp!! how to go??"

"OH YAR hor... u went in yesterdae..oops. *laugh* sorry.."
"ya!! and i just shaved my head!!"

"gee. really???!!!! so how do u look???"
"erm.. not bad lah actually..*laughs*"

"WAHAHAHA.. hairless baby dinosaur!!"
"...thanks. but i'm looking at myself in the mirror now.. not bad la.. and oooo... i realised sth..."

"what???"
"i'm actually balding."

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaha...shuddup la!!!"
"okok!! fall in already!! gtg!see ya!! tell me who wins campfire!! bye!!"

----end of phonecall (before i said bye.)------

in the end, REGULUS, under the leadership of the "oh-so-cute" OHL, yvonne goh yu xian, manage to emerge 3rd. =]

good job yvonne!! although u r really acting cute very well.. wahahaha... study hard now ah. hope ur voice is back. i'm proud of u!! in fact all the ex OGLs and our OHL leonard is super proud of u.=]

its great to blog from home. =]

i'm getting more matured as each day passes. i'm stronger now. thanks to the continuous encouragement from the relevant ppl. i wouldn't noe what to do without all of you. thank you so much.

we have come upon an agreement about our relationship: to see how after he finishes his NS. so we shall all just wait and see..

went out with my beloved regulus 2 last year 30th Dec. (yuto's voice is still so high...) anyway, it was great seeing all of them again.. kids all grow up le.. =]

thank God i didn't wear my new OP shirt.. because BEnjy was wearing the brown version..

today was MY 1st 3 months OG outing! haha.. although the attendance was as usual, pathetic. haha.. it was still great fun. as how adrian puts it, "the 3 of us represents 5 ppl each!(after chiew lin went home)" and then continued with "anywae, our og just makes up of us.." i didn't really agree with him on that point.. but it seems to be true.... haha

ANYWAY, adrian lost like wat.. 10 kg. haha.. he really looks good now. apparently, somebody is the top scorer in the hwa chong- st andrews final basketball match(17 pts).. hip la. haha didn't noe this kind of face also can make it. wahaha...

that idert made xiang jie, chiew lin and me wait for so long. esp me. i reached at 6. the rest 6:30. and that IDERT? 7:30. but i forgave him after he treated me to chocolate milkshake at coffee club, which tasted quite gross.. but nvm.. its a treat.. shouldn't say it tasted gross..

found out that he actually works near me!! how cool.. haha but while i sit on front of a computer at the Singapore Accountancy Academy, he sits down and staple papers for some hamper company... wahaha..

Thank God i didn't wear my black polo ralph shirt, because xiang jie wore the exact same shirt.

word of advice: its good to think twice what u wear when u go out.

i'm bacK~ haha using the airport comp again.. =p

bali's a great place, culture and all.. haha. didn't manage to tan myself and become as black as diana.. but we jet-ski-ed!! it was super fun!! but ex too la.. 250 000 Rp for half an hour. ( about s$50)

argh. having stomach ache now..

hey.. haha i'm in the airport. how cool's that. haha.. anywae, not much time before we board the plane to bali. tc guys. till i find the next available com (with an internet)

*SCREAMS* A'S ARE OVER!!!

GOD'S CAKE
>Sometimes we wonder,
>"What did I do to deserve this?" or
>"Why did God have to do this to me?"
>Here is a wonderful explanation!
>
>A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is
>going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend
>broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
>
>Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks
>her daughter if she would like a snack, and the
>daughter says,
>"Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."
>Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers.
>"Yuck" says her daughter.
>"How about a couple raw eggs?"
>"Gross, Mom!"
>"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"
>"Mom, those are all yucky!"
>To which the mother replies:
>"Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves.
>But when they are put together in the right way,
>they make a wonderfully delicious cake!
>
>God works the same way.
>Many times we wonder why He would let us go
>through such bad and difficult times.
>But God knows that when He puts these things
>all in His order, they always work for good!
>We just have to trust Him and, eventually,
>they will all make something wonderful!
>
>God is crazy about you.
>He sends you flowers every spring
>and a sunrise every morning.
>Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.
>He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.


thanks to all who has been an encouragement.

life has certainly be hard these few days..missing him like crazy (cringe when i see little kids carrying basketballs); but at least i'm not crying as much. haha. actually come to think of it, i've not cried since last wed. achievement.

i feel happy now. but obviously, not as happy as before.

study hard guys. its in 28 days time..

sigh.

i stopped crying yesterday.

healing process has started. although it stops again whenever i see wormy and start to think about the times we spent together.

sigh.

its going to be a long and difficult journey. but i'm sure i'll make it.

i saw him before entering the LT for econs. my heart skipped a beat. i really do miss him. i wanted to run over and hug him and not let go. but all i managed was just a mere wave... well, at least he waved back. it feels like as if i have a crush on him all over again...

came to the understanding that our relationship was never meant to be. and then i realised that there were so many things that i wanted to say that i have never told him. sigh. ok. its getting too personal..

hmmm.. i really regret not doing so.

i managed to start doing some work and able to concentrate a little bit more compared to the days that i have been crying. i think i stopped crying because there were really no more tears left to cry. cannot come out. i cry all finish already...

well.. i will just have to be contented with the 7 beautiful months spent with my very first boyfriend.

and its time to.. sigh.. move on.

the last time i cried so hard was on february 15th.
reason? i couldn't be with the one i love.

i cried again(still am actually), and even harder 2 days ago.
reason? he doesn't love me anymore.

its over.. 7 months of happy memory. ended. just like that.

i'm distraught, addled, agitated, anxious, beside oneself, bothered, concerned, confused, crazed, crazy, discomposed, distracted, distrait, distressed, flustered, frantic, harassed, hysterical, mad, muddled, nonplussed, nuts, overwrought, perturbed, rattled, raving, shook up, thrown, tormented, troubled, unglued, unscrewed, unzipped, wild, worked up, worried..

i love him. i really do..

why.. why.. why must it end this way?

he was different. so different from the rest. he promised to love me forever. i really thought he meant it. i believed him. why did he say things he doesn't mean.

i dun want just 7 months of memory. i want more than that.

why can't we go on..

it hurts. it really does. my world just crashed down on me.

chong.. i want you back.. i love u..

Have You Ever?
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything
To make them understand
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away
You'd give anything, oh
To make them feel the same
Have you ever search for words
To get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Ooh Have you ever find someone
You dreamt of all your life
You'd do just about anything
To look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one
You've given your heart to
Only to find that one
Won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes
And dreamt that they were there
And all you can do is wait
For the day when they will care
Have you ever loved somebody

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand
How I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
Cuz baby I can't sleep

Oh, Have you ever

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!!!

yay... haha its so my day man. but there ain't any time to celebrate.. how can... arGH.

stupid woman in the office told me to come back after 1. i finish school at 12 30 today. like the first time in 2 years. and this stupid woman.. ARGh.

hmmm.. i felt much better after what he confirmed just now. i really felt better. seeing that G***G*NA girl during econs lect was really pissing me off. i was scared at that point in time. scared that he wouldn't want me anymore. simply because i have gone to the extent of loving him so much that i just can't imagine my life without him anymore.

hopless? yea. i agree...

haven't been spending time with each othe for more than 1 month plus and its only after 2 months that i'll be able to do so.. after the stupid, big, fat, A's. the time period id so long, yest so short...

think i'm irritating him too much. i just have to fill my brains with econs instead.

but its so difficultttttttttttttttttt.... argh. i'm so screwed.

ok. its past 1 20pm. the stupid woman's colleague should be back from lunch.

i can finally go home. (and read ch 4 of 'drawing near' .. hehe..)

a publi announcement: happy belated birthday joel and minnie! hope it was a great one..

minnie: i hope u like the water bottle. see? we have the same one now.. how cool is that!! =p

i managed to get 2 extra marks for my geog human paper. its like 54 now.. i hope my physical geog won't do that bad...

hmm... i got back my maths, gp and econs..

i did quite all right for maths.. 56.5% however.. there were tons of careless mistakes and i killed myself for that.

i did quite all right for gp too, i guess.. 58.5%. improvement.. :)

can't say the same for econs.. *sigh* 47%. i was so depressed yesterday. i ate a lot for dinner last night.. A LOT.

so i started gg crazy yesterday, i left 30 over days to A's. so fast, rite... but as how diana puts in.. "after that, we're free!" true, but will i feel happy?

i lay in bed last nite talking to God at 2am, i told him that he promised me if i did my best, He'll do the rest. but that doesn't seem to be happening.

and then it suddenly hit me, if i didn't get this grade, i'll probably just be contented with where i am and start slacking.. (chim, rite? wahaha) so its just a push from Him, i guess.

i fell, but i'll get up again.

all in all, whatever grade my geog gets, i'll still give glory to God! i mean, come on man, if my life is his timetable, i'm sure i'll do well.

thank u Jesus.

siGH.

i studied really hard.i really did. i never studied so crazily before. i studied very very hard. i really really really did.

52 for human geog. dammit! i studied damn hard. arGH. this is the prelims man. i'm supposed to do like my best. is that really my best? i thought i did MY best.

dejected? yea.

depressed? yea.

feel like crap? duh.

it feels terrible. best part is i didn't focus hard enough on my physical. i'm screwing geog.

get A for geog? sorry bro. thats the most impossiible thing that can happen. but then again everything is possible with God, rite?

i haven't gone out with him for more than 1 month. aRGH.i dun feel like gg out anymore.

i have to study. much harder than before.

maths and econs come a few hours later. sigh.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. i just let 7 marks for maths run off... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

*screams* I"M TIREDDDDDDDDDD.. sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppyyyy.... sheesh.

hmmm. had quite a lot of "cg rep things" to do this week.

1. stupid performances: - retro class performance
- retro "yi zhi's performance"

2. teacher's day stuff: -mr chen's photo frame.
* of which sarah is doing it.. SARAH: u are so sweet!! u rock manX! *muACKX*

3. cip cards: hmmm.. when am i suppose to collect it agaian, diana??

4. prom night: ask lai lai to write a letter to the army to realease our dearest mr chen.. (arGH.)

hmmmm. chong cut his hair. wahahahaha. and shaved this 'w' behind! hahaha.. look like the cracks of a broken egg. so cute!!!

okae. its really getting nearer to prelims. i really haf to full force now. just that i was so demoralised when i couldn't do any stats question the other day before the mock exam. i think its because i haven't been reading the bible..
(*sorry God..)

AHHHHH.. i forgot to add. ( Thanx 'someone' for the 'shen yin he' answer. appreciated it.)

i cut my hair on saturday.

i was all ready for my fiona-xie-look.

BUT. the auntie cut wronglyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.... *WAILS*

there goes 'fiona xie'... =(

it looked really disgusting the first time she cut. in the end, i told her to cut everything.

all the hair on the floor. my heart wrenched. (still does actually)

3 months to prom.

God.. please let the hair grow at an increased rate......

wahahaha. no gp remedial. but tons of things to do before PE starts. so better hurry up.

it was bin's birthday yesterdae!! *WOoHOO* =] everybody was so excited for her. dunno why lor. it felt like as if it was my birthdae. wahahaha. gee.

anyway, yi zhi did sth really sweet to her.. he baked a fruit cake for hER!!! like "woooooooooohhhh..." so sweet rite.. aiyoh.. hahaha.. it was fun disturbing her.. at least i got back my revenge. *evil laugh* chong said if he bakes a bake for me, i will just haf food poisoning again. so i don't think i will want to try it. i'm really scared of food poisoning now. but then again.. it makes me lose my appetite and then i won't feel so fat. so probably its a good idea. wahaha.

anywae we got a really cool swatch skin watch for her . it was ex la. so she better appreciate it. haha.. i still owe her barney though. *promised i'll get 1 for her. hehe..

yup. exams and tests are everywhere.. driving all of us crazy.. the best part is there's more to come. sheesh. plus the olympics now isn't really helping very much. esp when the swimming section is like at 12:30 am. dammit.

i haf yet to read finish the book!! i'm onlt at day 27, when i'm supposed to be at 36 or more ah? die la. hahaha...

gee.. have so many thoughts but there ain't much time to blog.

study. eat. study. sleep. study. eat. study. shit. study. eat. study.sleep.

when does the all these end?

NOV 24th. (5:0o:01 pm.)

siGH....

few more weeks left to prelims.. it sucks la.. really..

i can't wait for november 24th 5:00:01 pm (if i'm not wrong) to come like really soon.

latest happennings.

(the bads...)

1. pimples are like staying for good.. refusing to leave.

2. sore throat that came.. which i hope it will nv ever come back again.. becos its just so difficult to SHUT UP!!! (...... sheesh.)
*grumbles..* was in misery... can't even sing national day songs properly....

3. that stupid indigestion.... because of that stupid burger king which i'm never gg to eat in like a few years.

4. the fever that resulted from that indigestion that came on and off on august 10th; that caused me to stay up from 3-6am.

5. and hence, have to cancel my 'cut hair' appointment at 10 30 am; which means i am still gg to watch the 9 o'clock show not because of the show but because of fiona xie's hair.

6. we didn't see 5566 live. (DAMMIT!)

(...and the goods)

7. the beautiful fireworks that lit the sky on the night of august 8th. ( 0_0 waH..)

8. the "so late then reach home" at 3am on the morning of august 9th. ( because we went to play pool at parkway)

9. and the 'we' included my church friends and chong. *smiles*

10. chong 'delivered' homework to my doorstep yesterdae when i didnt go to school. (so sweet!!! *MuaCKS*)

11. they showed that concert we missed that day on tv last night!!! (*screams* TONY!!!!!!!!)

OOOO... yan xing shu (duan chenfeng) and cyndi wang (wang xin ling) was also on tv... =D

hmmm.. anybody remembers what is the name of the character cyndi wang played in 'westside story'? nobody seems to remember!!!!! hmmMMmmMMMmm

SigH. eyes are red, swollen and puffy.

how much is friendship really worth?
after careful considerations, tears, and puffy eyes (yes. more of it), one will never noe how ur friends really treat u.

SIgh. i think my problem is not as big as it is compared to his mother. father told me that she was crying. she blames herself for this child. dammit. whats wrong with me.

had a crappy day today, but i managed to get thru it.

i totally feel better after crying. thank u God for tears. thank u for chong.

till i feel like blogging again.

you.
 i thought i could trust u with my troubles.
but were you there to share it? no.
what did you do? you laughed.

you.
you think its a small matter?
i dreamt of looking after a retarded boy last night. he tried to kill me. i woke up in tears.
if he was able to make me freak out and cry, i don't think so.

you.
what?
i'm sensitive?
deal with it. its MY character. too bad.

you.
thinking i'm over-doing it?
think again.
if you were me, what would u do?

2 of you.
the ones who are supposedly protecting me.
u asked me to overcome my fear and to think of the mental situation he is in.
yes. i agree.
BUT DID YOU THINK OF HOW I FEEL? WHO SHOULD U SIDE? AT LEAST SHOW ME THE CONCERN THAT YOU ARE OBLIGED TO GIVE ME?

ALL OF YOU.
I'M DAMN HURT.

identify urself in which category you are in. 

 
GOD.. where are you.. =~(

oh.. i forgot to thank aunty ruth and bro for my beautiful big black bag. i really love it. i carried it to school today.. my friends said its nice and cool. wahahahaha.

somehow...  it made my birthday special although it is 2 months late.

thank you. love u both.

ARgh. okay. this is gg to be the last post i'm gg to blog in a long while. i so have to start studying.. no more blogging for me. so yah, haha dun bother reading about my life.. for the next 50 plus days? well.. at least till prelims end.

life is getting a bit crazy for me.. i'm really really starting to think what God's purpose for my life is after reading the book. is life just my temporary stay on earth as what the book says? so why are we studying so damn hard anyway? its not as if we are all going to live forever. shouldn't we take the time to do worthwhile stuff like.. i dunno... just sth besides studying. i'm really seriously honestly tired of everything in my life.

*stares at the ceiling* WHATS MY PURPOSE, GOD?  tell me so i won't feel sick of my life! 

we fought the day before again.. he asked me if i really wanted 'us' to continue. i wasn't sure. i wanted to give him up due to the many factors that is self-explainable. but then again.. i just love him so much. i spent a long time crying before i replied. i said yes. i want 'us' to continue. did i do the right thing? or did i do the wrong thing? all i know is i love him. is it wrong to be with someone who u are not supposed to be with actuallY? i don't know. sigh. i really don't know.

its back to maths.

 

alritE. hands up u little kids who's been reading my blog... gee.. i didn't noe u guys would actually have the time to come read about my life.. dun u have to study?? haha.. must have been influenced by a certain hwa chong junior college guy..... correct rite?  argH. haha ( sorry bro)
 
ok. so u noe about my deepest darkest secrets. dun come and anyhow now ah.. especially angeline and probably, lina.. later i tell a certain someone that u all dying for her to teach u to play softball so u can play with her and enjoy the most of her company.. waHAhaHahaHAHA. thats worst than exposing my secrets, ain't it. haha.. so if i hear anything.. i'm gg to change my addie. so u all better dun say anything............... or else u wouldn't be able to read any more about my life.... haha btw, look forward to gg out with u girls this week. *smiles* so u can tell me about each other's secrets too.. then we'll be like the er.. secret 4 or sth.. wahahaha. by the way.. u seriously can leave me a note on my taggie. at least i can say hi to u all..dun so shy la. aiyah.  haha *pSSSTtTTtt.. i hear minnie has a blog.. go find it.  hahaha
 
yea.. so back to serious stuff.. watched spidey 2 yesterdae.. it was an awesome movie man!!!! went "diu-ing" at everything i saw ydae till chong said i was crazy. wahahaha..
 
we quarelled last night though. but its my fault i guessed. i told him i chose laur-co instead of him.. but he doesn't noe the real truth.. he says he places so much importance on me and since i dun reciprocate he doesn't want to be hurt so badly if i leave him. but.. thats my reason for choosing laur co instead of him... i dun noe la.. i guess i'm being really selfish.. cried before i slept last nite. couldn't wake up this morning... siGHz. he msged me during recess that he has forgiven me. and i love him so much more now.
 
sigh.

aRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stupid stupid stupid!!! i hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to write essays!! arGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh.
so many essays to write and do... argh.. i dun feel like studyinggggggg..

oh btw.. my maid found laur co under my sister's bed. i think she kicked him off the bed!! ass.. poor laur co.. when i asked her where she found my precious,she said to me "under jolene's bed. only can see the legs." poor laux.. he must have been screaming for help...... mummy asked me to go put him to wash.. weelll.. forget it man.. laux not gg for any bath soon.. i miss him too much to let him go and bathe. wahahahahhaha.

chong went for medical... not in school todae.. :(

hmm.i think we are back to the blogging-crazy business.. coming to the library at every break just to find additional stuff to put on the blog.. haha.. i still need to find sth for my cursor.. hmmmmmm.... anybody noes where to get a nice one?? haha tell me k?

yea.. weiling's asking me to go eat fries now.. shall go eat before pe. hahahahahaha.. so ironic.

tmr's fridae!!! wooHOO!!! there's cell and i can see my beautiful 'family' again.. haven't seen aunty ruth for eons.. wahahahaha..

i miss chong.

arGH. I’am so pissed. Somebody took laur-co away from me last night! I couldn’t sleep wellllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dammit. Poor laur-co.. I miss him.. I hope I can find him soon so I can go to sleep peacefully with him in my arms.. hehe.. sounds so erm.. haha

Wasn't a good morning.. it so isn't..…some family thing happen.. sigh why must she keep on lying after all the warnings.. I'm really pissed off with her.. she says she understands.. but its not true.. she doesn't.. I’m sure she is going to get big caning tonite.. I feel so angry.. but on the other hand.. I feel sympathetic for her.. but how should I really feel?? I have no idea.. sigh.. am I making any sense at all in the first place???

And then during break, I rushed to the library to blog.. but only to be pissed off again when the page read, "blogger is under maintanence for 2 hours." Dammit. Anyway, I found a game to add to my blog. Its quite cool la.. go guess the number.…

Sad matters (that wants me to just rant at everything and at whoever who hid my precious son, laur-co) aside, I got back my geog paper today.. 46! I passed.. haha.. but aiyah.. wth la.. the marks doesn't really tally with the effort I have put in.. sigh.

Anyway.. the good news is that chong O'ed his physics!! Yay!! I'm so happy for him!

WAHAHAHA. i found such a chio skin... or a brown skin.. rather.

the "fight" was between scooby doo or this girl.. but scooby lost because he had such a small box for my navigation. stupid scooby.... he got my vote actually.

stayed back after econs to do this with dian ah. i feel so happy now.. like as if i did something really big. wahaha.. yea.. and the mood thing is so cuteeeeeee.. see? it says "ACCOMPLISHED" which is exactly how i feel now!!

thanx diana for teaching me do these stuff and helping me with my blogskin. she has a new blogskin too!! her blogskin is really really nice too.. go check it out! all thanx to mamafai. haha (the person who created these blogs. talent lor, i tell u.) hahaha

okie.. shall go home le.. got lots of geog stuff to do.. sianx..... bubye.. *smiles* =P

hmmm..... i passed my GP!! wEEeEEEeeEEEeee.... hehe by a mere 5 marks. haha.. but who cares.

mmmmm just had geog tut.. that lai lai came to talked to us about the university admission. i think i can't get into SMU le.. my dumb SAT which i retook again sucked.. after spending so much time on my verbal.. i had only 480 (38% national)!! and my maths.. 690 (92% national). like whatever lor.. SHEESH.

anyway, i think she's so fake.. dunno la.. anyway its only 7 weeks left to prelims. (dammit) yup.

anywaex. yea. i'm bored.

hmm. mr chen says he is gg to give us back our papers tmr.. hope i dun fail too badly..

mmm.. chong~ dun worry about ur grades k.. 7 weeks left.. we will pia together!! u will so love chemistry after 7 weeks.=) i'm sure of it. love u. 8)

wahahahaha. BREAK. wahahahahahaha. mr chen never come. wahahahahahahahaha. finish school at 2:15. wahahahahahahahaha. can go home to sleep. wahahahahahahahahahaha.

hmmmmmm.... yay.. 8 weeks or so left to prelims. i'm doing not goooooood man.. not goooooooooood... i passed my maths on the dot. 45%. i O'ed my econs which was so super disappointing... felt terrible that whole day.. although i still feel like shit whenever i think about it.. siGHx. still got geog.. i think it will suck too.. i'm preparing myself for a F. damn it la.. studied really hard ok... well.. at least i pass my maths la. but wth. its only on the dot.

yahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... haha.. we celebrated becky's birthday on the 2nd. we had macdonald's party!!!! how cool is that lor.. get to wear party hat and all... hahaha and the youngest 'kid' there was 13 years old la!! the oldest was... hmmm... i dunno. wahahaha.. anywae the chairs were really tiny.. philip's chair didn't break.. surprisingly. hahaha feel so mean. he better not read this. but i dun think he sat on it la.. we played games and it was all so fun.. the younger 'kids' were so embarrased about the party hats.. i kept on assuring them that its bukit merah and nobody comes here.. but then jaclyn said her friends always go there.. and i'm like, "ur friends got no life!" but like as if i got a lot of life like that...

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh... and it was on the very same day that i was so freaked outtttt.. john(this 13 year old boy, who is erm.. not really like us,mentally. (is that the way to say it in a more polite tone?)) kept staring at me. oh HELP!! i'm so freaked out by himmmmmmmmmm.. besides the constant stares during worship and sermonfor like how many months already.. mei msged me on that very day that his sister told her that he has been writing 'john likes laureen' and pasting it all over his room. HELPPPPp... i sought help that following sunday.. from my brother, the handsome lawyer. haha.. he wasn't of much help in terms of blocking me from the stares. i've decided to sit next to philip. hahahaha but that is if he's not on the drums.. so meanwhile,, bro.. i still need u. hahaha... love u BRO!!

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... i went out with chong for sakae yday for lunch.. i put the $10 in his pocket. i hope he didn't wash his shirt-with the $10 still int there. hahaha.. love u CHONG!!

YO. haha.. its been longg. time sure flies. wahahahahha... home computer sucks.. in school now.. yea.. hmmmm...

no inspiration to blog now especially after mid years.. i studied damn hard la... never studied so much before.. but wth la... i think i'm still gg to do badly.. so much for studying during the hols. :(

well.. met up with my KC jie meis that day.. read this man..

JASMINE CHAN EE TENG HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*SCREAM* i was the last to noe about her deepest secret.. stupid woman.. but wth. still love her anywae.. hahahahha....

mmmmmmm.... k la.. lots of thing happened... but really got no mood to bloggy now.. another day k.. i mean.. when i finally find another computer....

WOW. i'm 18. time sure flies.

haha... anywaes.. just finish doing some SAT stuff.. stupid words.. so chim.. who bothers about those chim words anywae.. who understands?! siGH. anywae.. its on this sat and i am so not prepared for it. DIE. should have started earlier. (HAHA)

yeA!! FOP is on sat!! and chong's gg with ME!!!!!! gee.. i hope he'll enjoy himself there... coz i noe i'll be having a fun time priasing God.. hillsongs rock manx.. darlene's voice is to die for.. keep on teeling corn i want to rob her voice on wednesday during the worship seminar...

anywae.. after the worship seminar ydae.. we went to dicky's house.. played 'captain frisbee' hahaha.. and big bro tim kept on insisting its a ball. coz he kept on saying "run for the ball!" and i was screaming back, "it's not a ball!" but what the heck la.. i dun think he bothered much about me. haha.. his team was losing anywae.. HAHAHA (ok.. dun kill me)

yea.. had a fun night last nite.

i was suppose to go for dinie's dinner last nite.. but hey dinie.. dun worry.. there'll be other nites k??? dun worry man... haha

hmmm.... it was only when i reached home then i remembered tt i had econs test the next dae!! so chio rite.. haha anywae.. was studying halfwae when i saw big bro tim's handsome face appeared from nowhere.. hahaha... anywae, i did msg him.. but he didnt reply me.. so nvm la. lawyers are very busy wan.. even during holidaes they have more important "clientele"(client) to "regale" (entertain) rite?? hahahha... (using new words which i leant leh.. not bad rite..) so anywae.. big bro tim. hahaha hope everything's fine with u.. and ur mission to "clinch a VERY SPECIAL deal" for Christ is still going strong... because i'm pressing on too... we must JIAN CHI ok?! the GOH brother-sister team unites!! wahahahahaha.. sorry. getting crappy. hahaha...

ok la.. anywae its 1 day to SAT. (SUCKS) 1 and a half daeto FOP. and i'm looking forward to it.

Everyday, it's You i'll live for
Everyday, i'll follow after You
Everyday, i'll walk with you, my Lord

Its You i live for everyday
Its You i live for everyday
Its You i live for everyday

to my wonderful jie meis.. although today's celebration was not as grand as it was for our queen mother.. i'm still very happy.. thank u guys.. love all of u.. *muACKx*

WOW. haha.. i'm gonna be 18 in 2 days.... or rather 1 dae.. thats like super old la.. aiyoh.. seriously i think i better start growing up..

today in school was ok la. haha.. had sports dae todae... although diana didn't really came out tops... i'm still so proud of her.. all of us are... hahaha.. =] yep..

after the thingy ended.. jie meis went tampines to celebrate my birthdae.. went kenny rogers. super full lor.. in fact i dun think i'm gonna eat kenny rogers in the next few years... haha.. they bought me a cheese cake from coff bean.. it was really cheesy. haha..

we took neo print after that.. i wanted to treat them for the neo print.. but they insisted that they did not treat me dinner.. so they treated me neo print.. haha..

gosh.. i'm looking forward to tomorrow......... ahhhhhhhhh.. hehe

oh ya.. i shaved my legs. haha no more tropical rainforest.. deforestation just happened. but soon la reforestation will take place.. however.. haha.. few strands refuses to come offf...... hehehe *gRinz* ok i'll shut up.

wow.. what a day.

just came home not too long ago.. not suppose to come online.. but i decided to do so.. because mei's doing her assesment now.. its finally gg to be her last paper tmr.. but she saed she's gg to get back her papers tmr.. so i guess its the same la.. hope she manages to pass... *siGH*

to bin and diana... i'm really sorry for letting u all wait.. i didn't check my phone.. i'm sorry... aiyoh. i feel so bad that u 2 waited for me to close to an hour.. i'm sorry i'm realllllyyyyyyy sorry...........

to yina.. chio la.. buy new phone.. so ex lor the phone.. u better treat it nicely.. haha confirm super happy now.. dun do anything bad to ur phone hor!! or i think i will xin tong for u. haha

to wei ling... how was band? hahaha.. hope it was filled with fun... HAHAHAHA..

to ne.. sorry for being such an ass today. haha can't help it.. the maths questions todae was super dificult lor. anywae.. thanx for sitting with me todae.. u rock man...

helloooooo bloggie. haha.

whats up mannnnnn.. sianx.. gonna turn 18 soon... sounds really old. sounds really mature.... sounds reallly... not me. geez.. guess i have to grow up like really soon.... damn.

yep.. i'm broke man. i need to save money. like really save money.. spent more than 40 bucks last sat when we celebrated queen mother's birthdae. its time to stop eating in school and start starving. saves me from 2 things: 1.money and 2.calories. need to find the self determination again.... *sianx*

siGHx. wonder why its so hard to teach mei. her attitude reallly sucks la.. so rude.. and becoz of her being so rude.. corn and her are at war again.. and i, as usual, am their middle person.. sigh.. i hope mei reallly listend to all the nagging and is trying to change as what she claims..

was thinking of abel ydae.. dunno why.. just suddenly came into my mind.. has beeoneons since i last talk to him.. hope he's fine..

gee.. i think its all the fries and the chilli i shared with diana just now.. stomach feels really hot.. the milk i just drank doesn't seem to be helping. dammit...

thinking of chong now.. hmmmmmmmmmmm... thinking.. wondering.. pondering.. missing... *hehe*

Laureen's birthday wish(es)- hehe

1. big white shirts.

2. big nice bag. (big enough to stuff stuff in. hehe)

3. big white shirts.

4. big pencil box. (enough to put my calculator)

5. big white shirts.

6. big pullover would be quite nice..

7. big white shirts.

8. just wish me happy birthdae. (i'll be happy enough. really.)

CHONG'S SICK!!!!! i'm so sad. :(

geex.. finally blogging again.. hahaha..

CHONG'S SICK!!!! i'm so sad. :(

Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One


If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I


sums up how i feel.. doesn't it... *siGHz*
love you~ *MUACKZ*

aRGH. i'm too tired to blog.

TIRED week. VERY TIRED week. dunno why also.. dun ask me.

today i did the most unbelievable thing. my hp cover cracked. beautiful crack line from the top to the bottom of my screen. pastor is gg to kill me if he sees it. i'll just continue acting.. i guess... i'm so sad tooooooooo..... IT WASN'T ON PURPOSE!!!!

TIRED. VERY TIRED.

haiYOOOOooO!!

i went to acjc funfair todae!! actually.. the school wasn't like what i expected.. i expected sth bigger and more grand.. but hey. nvm la.. i dun even study there.

well it was so cool la.. i met diana and kenneth at the mrt.. started to feel quite extra.. wanted chong to be there quite badly.. but the poor guy is still sick.. (*SIGH*) so yea.. alone with the lovebirds la. (sorry diana... hehe) but it wasn't so bad later on.. felt better when i saw daryl.. he gave me extra 10 bucks!! and the money he owed me since last year... hahaha...

well... we met yina and jac later on... then we were like together... i saw my dearest abel mei mei.. ahhhhhh... i think he look so cute. hahahaha... he was with that "who thinks i'm wierd" girl. gross. dunno why he is frens with her in the first place...

who else did i see... lemme see... i saw my whole group of juniors!!! ahhhh... hahaha. i really missed them...sighz.. ok anywae.. then there was leonard who came after that..

mmmm.. yina was so crazy over daniel.. haha daniel looks like some korean guy.. haha i really very happy for yina.. hahahaha...

mmmmmmmm... went out with daryl after that.. yea.. we were like catching up with old times.. told me what happened between him and his g***ys.. haiyo... feel so sad for him... then he bought godiva chocolates manx... its like so super ex lor!!! i really very amazed how much a small little piece of chocolate could cost 3+ bucks.. WOW. hahaha.. daryl is rich man.. what was she thinking when she rejected him?!

daryl: hey bro.. i hope u r feeling better already yea.. c'mon la.. such a cute, sweet, lovable, smart boy (with weird 4th fingers on both hands) can do better and get a better more attractive girl.. u dun worry k. anywaez.. i really enjoyed myself todae esp the choc. hahahaha u tc yea.. miss u a whole lot. *huGZ* see ya soon....

GP compre? 13/50.

well done.

GP compo? 14/50

well done.

and you ask my why i'm stress?? gee. DON'T tell anybody which secondary school i was from. i think i have brought disgrace to the school.

why can't i suck at one of my content subjects rather then my language subject? at least i would know 'in which direction' to start mugging.

this is MY blog. so i get to express my thoughts and feelings here rite?

i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid. i'm so stupid.

dun bother to try saying anything to me about this. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE and i'll be fine after tonight.

GP sucks.

dammit. why didn't i go to the poly.

Artist: Leann Rimes
Album: I Need You
Title: But I Do Love You


I don't like to be alone in the night
And i don't like to hear i'm wrong when i'm right
And i don't like to have the rain on my shoe
But i do love you, but i do love you

I don't like to see the sky painted gray
And i don't like when nothing's going my way
And i don't like to be the one with the blues
But i do love you, but i do love you

Love everything about the way you're loving me
The way you lay your head
Upon my shoulder when you sleep
And i love to kiss you in the rain
I love everything you do, oh i do
I don't like to turn the radio on
Just to find i missed my favorite song
And i don't like to be the last with the news
But i do love you, but i do love you

Love everything about the way you're loving me
The way you lay your head
Upon my shoulder when you sleep
And i love to kiss you in the rain
I love everything you do, oh i do

And i don't like to be alone in the night
And i don't like to hear i'm wrong when i'm right
And i don't like to have the rain on my shoes

But i do love you but i do love you
But i do love you but i do love you

I SAW DINIE TODAY!! YAY!!!! so happy... =] miss u lots dinie!!!

Little Prayers
For
Little
Things

Fly
Heavenward
On
Little wings

And no prayer
Is too
Great
Or small

To ask GOD

Who hears
Them ALL.

Amen.
thank u Lord Jesus...

siGhz. dammit i failed my geog test. 7/25 (sorry bro.. i really think it is impossible to get an A in geog.. at least for now.) probably because i didn't really study for it.. haiyah. it sucks when i fail. and then the thought of studying again really sucks.. i wonder why i can't get back to my nerdy self.. is it because of other things that are bothering me or is there really sth known as NERDY powers. SIGH.

i need to study; i need my grades; i need him- and then i'll be happy.




to all my jie mei men.. including ne and hui ting.. thanx for being there for me ydae..sorry i was being such an ass ydae. hope i have improved todae..

thanx bin for mR FANGS.hehe.. i think he's still in my pencil box..

thanx weiling for ur card.. i'm happy about u and ur wei wei.. i really am..

thanx diana for listening.. and just being there whenever i need u..

thanx yina for ur concern.. really appreciate it.

thanx to all the slackers in nball.. esp to shu, erin, hanee benny and elsa.. thanx for listening to me and cheering me up during netball.. because it really helped.. A LOT.

thanx chong for ur understanding.. and for everything else. get well soon.

my dearest chong,

i had a very enjoyable as well as a memorable valentine's day with u. i wun forget that day ever. it was the day we were able to do official stuff.. esp holding ur hand in public.. and it was then that i realise how deep my love for u is..

although u asked me again after 12. i was so tempted to say yes; so tempted to hold ur hand; so tempted to be with u more. i talked to God before i slept last night. i told Him i would ask pastor what i should do.. so i did talked to him just now.. he seemed to knnow what i was gg to ask and even finished my question. he told me that it wouldn't be right for me to accept u as my boyfriend which i really wanted. he told me to start off as super super super close friends and bring u to church.. and then slowly.. who noes.. we might be able to be together officially for the rest of our lives.

i held my tears back. i didn't bother to tell him wat happen yesterday because i knew i would just burst into tears. i couldn't cry then coz my parents were at the other side of the room. and i didn't want them to noe. everything would be worse if they knew u were not christian.

when i went back into the scantuary.. my friend came over and ask me what pastor talked to me about and asked if the topic was about u. i looked at her and before i could say anything.. i was already in tears. i really dun noe how the tears came about. it just started flowing. thank God i managed to control my tears. i knew the kids knew that i was crying and obviously didn't noe why because i was laughing and screaming before that.. as usual. fortunately, they didn't ask.. all except dicky who just sat next to me and asked if i was ok..

when we went into the car, i msged u.. when u replied me with a "this is the last *muacks* i shall give u.", my tears started to flow again..because i didn't want that to be the last kiss for me..................i didn't msg u back because i really didn't noe what to say.. u also said that "u'll definitely find a better guy than me.", but i think u are good enough for me. enough for me to say "i love u."

a few min later in the car, father told me that as i shared 2 sundays ago, one of the church uncle told my father to pass the msg to me that what i was gg thru is persecution. and "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (matt 5:10)

piangz. i cried more after that. for a girl, esp to 'persecute' me in my love life.. (in addition, my first one), really sucks. totally.

i really dunno how i'm gg to face u tmr and the days after.. i hope i dun burst into tears the moment i see u.

i noe thru out this whole situation, it has been totally unfair to u.. u have always been saying that i shouldn't think about it this way. but i just can't help it. i feel very guilty for u. i really dunno what to say or what to do... all i noe is i really really love u, and i really hope that the day that we can go official comes really soon. because i want to be with u.

now i'ld just have to console myself with God's word..
'"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are highter than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."' (Isaiah 55: 8-9)

God loves u, chong.. and so do i. *MUACKZ*

haiyo.. why izzit that i feel so tired to type in my bloggie...die manx... haha hmmmm... okie.. lets see what happened..

kenneth got kicked out of school because he didn't go for band!!! (ok everybody.. 1...2...3.. *GASP*) ya la... this didi so enthu abt everything can actually pon band... haiyOOOooOOoo... then Yuto also.. this super cute didi quitting school.. haiyo.. so sad.. can u imagine.. i actually forgot they were holding a dinner for him todae... haha i only realised when i came home. gosh what a dumb OGL...

aiyoh. what else.. hmmm.. today during chinese class.. haiyo.. it was the most ultimate embarrasing chinese class... not being able to speak chinese properly is quite paiseh enuff.. now lao shi noes about us.. gee what can possibly be worse than that.. now we haf to face to the realities of lao shi suaning us non-stop. good luck to the both of us. esp me... ESP ME!!!!!!!!!!! oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... ehehhee.

gEEz. what a dae.. super tired to type anything. but i just wanted to say
I TYPED THIS FROM HOME!!!

sheesh. just finish my maths test.. quite ok la. haha not bad. just can't solve the second induction question.. stupid. i think induction sucks. haha.. but anywae.. maths beat geography any time. (except integration) hehe yupz.. think i shall go home soon.. sleep.. then meet him after his bball match with cchsm. hope he doesn't get injured.. or else i'll be so sadx. haha.. yupz. see ya.

mmMmmmMMMmmmm... early morning have 2 breaks. feeling's great. haha.. well.. weling and diana starting their own blogs now.. yea.. it was friendster craze before and now its blog craze..haha..

siGH. situation's still the same.. haf been thinking a lot yesterdae.. dunnoe izzit because of my ulcers or my eye or not enough sleep (whats new).. that i keep on thinking that i cannot pei him because i have been treating him really unfair and that is not what he deserves.. its so totally not fair to him and i dun want to 'hold him back' from other ppl.. i dun want to be selfish.. but its just so hard to tell him because the heart is not willing. haiyo. do i sound like as if my life is so miserable. gee...

sianx la.. i really dunno wat to do.. i think if i actually start to do my quiet time with God.. it'll help a lot. arGH gee.

*SigH* mother always says that she doesn't want me to get into a relationship.. because she doesn't want me to get hurt.. but the thing is she doesn't noe that i'm already hurt so badly even before getting into one.

had a great time with him on sat.. i couldn't remember when was the last time i went out with him.. we watched last samurai and the movie was totally awesome. not only was the movie awesome, his hand felt great to hold too...

we went to Regulus 2 chalet after that with brother, jac and benjy.. felt weird at first with the kids.. but it was alrite after we started eating.. with li shuang and the rest serving all of us.. we wanted to go over to Regulus 4 bbq at the other side of pasir ris.. but diana called later on- when the 5 of us were on our way to the bus stop- to tell us that they were already going home.. so anywae.. we left leonard, jac and benjy and we headed for the park... was about 9 + then.. we walked from downtown east all the way to the other side near home.. he sent me home at 11+ before he walked down the hill himself... it was a memorable day..

sunday. 1st feb. i promised uncle jonathan that i would share in front of the whole church last year.. wasn't nervous at all.. but half way thru worship.. i kept thinking of the previous day and i somehow felt really guilty and that i didn't do wat i knew i should do. i felt tears in my eyes as i concluded in my mind that it was tough being a christian. as if the thought wasn't bad enuff.. i had to go up and share a few min later after uncle jason and aunty christina shared about their 4 children- dicky, debbie, diane and brent. my heart started pounding as uncle jonathan saed and i remembered really clearly, "now its time for the young lady to share. i always wished i had a second son." gee.

i took the mic from him and i faced the whole congregation. i so do not noe why. but tears just wouldn't stop flowing. i tried to control.. but it was of no use. i remembered preparing my speech in the car: on how i had to balance church, school, friends and my own life; how dreadful family altar was when i was so dead tired; how happy i was to received the gift of tongues during church camp and how i love to use it to pray. but nothing of tat came out. just tears. pure tears.

"its tough being a christian... being a christian.. there's a set of rules to follow... if i break any of those rules.. i'll feel so guilty and i dun feel good... it hurts so badly... when i compare my life with my frens, the difference is so much. so so much.. i feel that they enjoy a much more fun-filled life than me and i really haf no life... but when i look from it at another point of view, i noe my life is much more richer than theirs.........."

i ran to the toilet straight after i handed the mic back to uncle jonathan. the feeling sucks. imagine crying in front of 60 over odd ppl. i told them i was scared of the crowd. but it was all bull shit. since when am i scared to speak up in front of ppl.and the stress i'm facing in school ain't amounting to the stress of my dilemma. i'm such a liar.

my eyes were tired from crying so much that i didn't go back to the sanctuary. sat at the stairs there, away from everybody else, and cont crying. i was hurting so bad inside.. fighting between being a perfect child of God and my emotions. i know the choice i had to make. but i really had a difficult time thinking of how i should tell him esp after the day before where our relationship had 'took another step forward'.

called him that night. i wanted to tell him but it was so difficult. i didn't noe how to tell him because he might think he wouldn't want me to suffer and hence we should just stop our unofficial relationship. which i wouldn't want to.

gosh. i'm so hurt.

God.. give me strength.