my dearest chong,

i had a very enjoyable as well as a memorable valentine's day with u. i wun forget that day ever. it was the day we were able to do official stuff.. esp holding ur hand in public.. and it was then that i realise how deep my love for u is..

although u asked me again after 12. i was so tempted to say yes; so tempted to hold ur hand; so tempted to be with u more. i talked to God before i slept last night. i told Him i would ask pastor what i should do.. so i did talked to him just now.. he seemed to knnow what i was gg to ask and even finished my question. he told me that it wouldn't be right for me to accept u as my boyfriend which i really wanted. he told me to start off as super super super close friends and bring u to church.. and then slowly.. who noes.. we might be able to be together officially for the rest of our lives.

i held my tears back. i didn't bother to tell him wat happen yesterday because i knew i would just burst into tears. i couldn't cry then coz my parents were at the other side of the room. and i didn't want them to noe. everything would be worse if they knew u were not christian.

when i went back into the scantuary.. my friend came over and ask me what pastor talked to me about and asked if the topic was about u. i looked at her and before i could say anything.. i was already in tears. i really dun noe how the tears came about. it just started flowing. thank God i managed to control my tears. i knew the kids knew that i was crying and obviously didn't noe why because i was laughing and screaming before that.. as usual. fortunately, they didn't ask.. all except dicky who just sat next to me and asked if i was ok..

when we went into the car, i msged u.. when u replied me with a "this is the last *muacks* i shall give u.", my tears started to flow again..because i didn't want that to be the last kiss for me..................i didn't msg u back because i really didn't noe what to say.. u also said that "u'll definitely find a better guy than me.", but i think u are good enough for me. enough for me to say "i love u."

a few min later in the car, father told me that as i shared 2 sundays ago, one of the church uncle told my father to pass the msg to me that what i was gg thru is persecution. and "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (matt 5:10)

piangz. i cried more after that. for a girl, esp to 'persecute' me in my love life.. (in addition, my first one), really sucks. totally.

i really dunno how i'm gg to face u tmr and the days after.. i hope i dun burst into tears the moment i see u.

i noe thru out this whole situation, it has been totally unfair to u.. u have always been saying that i shouldn't think about it this way. but i just can't help it. i feel very guilty for u. i really dunno what to say or what to do... all i noe is i really really love u, and i really hope that the day that we can go official comes really soon. because i want to be with u.

now i'ld just have to console myself with God's word..
'"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are highter than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."' (Isaiah 55: 8-9)

God loves u, chong.. and so do i. *MUACKZ*