GOD'S CAKE
>Sometimes we wonder,
>"What did I do to deserve this?" or
>"Why did God have to do this to me?"
>Here is a wonderful explanation!
>
>A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is
>going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend
>broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
>
>Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks
>her daughter if she would like a snack, and the
>daughter says,
>"Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."
>Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers.
>"Yuck" says her daughter.
>"How about a couple raw eggs?"
>"Gross, Mom!"
>"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"
>"Mom, those are all yucky!"
>To which the mother replies:
>"Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves.
>But when they are put together in the right way,
>they make a wonderfully delicious cake!
>
>God works the same way.
>Many times we wonder why He would let us go
>through such bad and difficult times.
>But God knows that when He puts these things
>all in His order, they always work for good!
>We just have to trust Him and, eventually,
>they will all make something wonderful!
>
>God is crazy about you.
>He sends you flowers every spring
>and a sunrise every morning.
>Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.
>He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.


thanks to all who has been an encouragement.

life has certainly be hard these few days..missing him like crazy (cringe when i see little kids carrying basketballs); but at least i'm not crying as much. haha. actually come to think of it, i've not cried since last wed. achievement.

i feel happy now. but obviously, not as happy as before.

study hard guys. its in 28 days time..

sigh.

i stopped crying yesterday.

healing process has started. although it stops again whenever i see wormy and start to think about the times we spent together.

sigh.

its going to be a long and difficult journey. but i'm sure i'll make it.

i saw him before entering the LT for econs. my heart skipped a beat. i really do miss him. i wanted to run over and hug him and not let go. but all i managed was just a mere wave... well, at least he waved back. it feels like as if i have a crush on him all over again...

came to the understanding that our relationship was never meant to be. and then i realised that there were so many things that i wanted to say that i have never told him. sigh. ok. its getting too personal..

hmmm.. i really regret not doing so.

i managed to start doing some work and able to concentrate a little bit more compared to the days that i have been crying. i think i stopped crying because there were really no more tears left to cry. cannot come out. i cry all finish already...

well.. i will just have to be contented with the 7 beautiful months spent with my very first boyfriend.

and its time to.. sigh.. move on.

the last time i cried so hard was on february 15th.
reason? i couldn't be with the one i love.

i cried again(still am actually), and even harder 2 days ago.
reason? he doesn't love me anymore.

its over.. 7 months of happy memory. ended. just like that.

i'm distraught, addled, agitated, anxious, beside oneself, bothered, concerned, confused, crazed, crazy, discomposed, distracted, distrait, distressed, flustered, frantic, harassed, hysterical, mad, muddled, nonplussed, nuts, overwrought, perturbed, rattled, raving, shook up, thrown, tormented, troubled, unglued, unscrewed, unzipped, wild, worked up, worried..

i love him. i really do..

why.. why.. why must it end this way?

he was different. so different from the rest. he promised to love me forever. i really thought he meant it. i believed him. why did he say things he doesn't mean.

i dun want just 7 months of memory. i want more than that.

why can't we go on..

it hurts. it really does. my world just crashed down on me.

chong.. i want you back.. i love u..

Have You Ever?
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything
To make them understand
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away
You'd give anything, oh
To make them feel the same
Have you ever search for words
To get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Ooh Have you ever find someone
You dreamt of all your life
You'd do just about anything
To look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one
You've given your heart to
Only to find that one
Won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes
And dreamt that they were there
And all you can do is wait
For the day when they will care
Have you ever loved somebody

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand
How I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
Cuz baby I can't sleep

Oh, Have you ever

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!!!

yay... haha its so my day man. but there ain't any time to celebrate.. how can... arGH.

stupid woman in the office told me to come back after 1. i finish school at 12 30 today. like the first time in 2 years. and this stupid woman.. ARGh.

hmmm.. i felt much better after what he confirmed just now. i really felt better. seeing that G***G*NA girl during econs lect was really pissing me off. i was scared at that point in time. scared that he wouldn't want me anymore. simply because i have gone to the extent of loving him so much that i just can't imagine my life without him anymore.

hopless? yea. i agree...

haven't been spending time with each othe for more than 1 month plus and its only after 2 months that i'll be able to do so.. after the stupid, big, fat, A's. the time period id so long, yest so short...

think i'm irritating him too much. i just have to fill my brains with econs instead.

but its so difficultttttttttttttttttt.... argh. i'm so screwed.

ok. its past 1 20pm. the stupid woman's colleague should be back from lunch.

i can finally go home. (and read ch 4 of 'drawing near' .. hehe..)

a publi announcement: happy belated birthday joel and minnie! hope it was a great one..

minnie: i hope u like the water bottle. see? we have the same one now.. how cool is that!! =p

i managed to get 2 extra marks for my geog human paper. its like 54 now.. i hope my physical geog won't do that bad...

hmm... i got back my maths, gp and econs..

i did quite all right for maths.. 56.5% however.. there were tons of careless mistakes and i killed myself for that.

i did quite all right for gp too, i guess.. 58.5%. improvement.. :)

can't say the same for econs.. *sigh* 47%. i was so depressed yesterday. i ate a lot for dinner last night.. A LOT.

so i started gg crazy yesterday, i left 30 over days to A's. so fast, rite... but as how diana puts in.. "after that, we're free!" true, but will i feel happy?

i lay in bed last nite talking to God at 2am, i told him that he promised me if i did my best, He'll do the rest. but that doesn't seem to be happening.

and then it suddenly hit me, if i didn't get this grade, i'll probably just be contented with where i am and start slacking.. (chim, rite? wahaha) so its just a push from Him, i guess.

i fell, but i'll get up again.

all in all, whatever grade my geog gets, i'll still give glory to God! i mean, come on man, if my life is his timetable, i'm sure i'll do well.

thank u Jesus.

siGH.

i studied really hard.i really did. i never studied so crazily before. i studied very very hard. i really really really did.

52 for human geog. dammit! i studied damn hard. arGH. this is the prelims man. i'm supposed to do like my best. is that really my best? i thought i did MY best.

dejected? yea.

depressed? yea.

feel like crap? duh.

it feels terrible. best part is i didn't focus hard enough on my physical. i'm screwing geog.

get A for geog? sorry bro. thats the most impossiible thing that can happen. but then again everything is possible with God, rite?

i haven't gone out with him for more than 1 month. aRGH.i dun feel like gg out anymore.

i have to study. much harder than before.

maths and econs come a few hours later. sigh.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. i just let 7 marks for maths run off... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

*screams* I"M TIREDDDDDDDDDD.. sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppyyyy.... sheesh.

hmmm. had quite a lot of "cg rep things" to do this week.

1. stupid performances: - retro class performance
- retro "yi zhi's performance"

2. teacher's day stuff: -mr chen's photo frame.
* of which sarah is doing it.. SARAH: u are so sweet!! u rock manX! *muACKX*

3. cip cards: hmmm.. when am i suppose to collect it agaian, diana??

4. prom night: ask lai lai to write a letter to the army to realease our dearest mr chen.. (arGH.)

hmmmm. chong cut his hair. wahahahaha. and shaved this 'w' behind! hahaha.. look like the cracks of a broken egg. so cute!!!

okae. its really getting nearer to prelims. i really haf to full force now. just that i was so demoralised when i couldn't do any stats question the other day before the mock exam. i think its because i haven't been reading the bible..
(*sorry God..)

AHHHHH.. i forgot to add. ( Thanx 'someone' for the 'shen yin he' answer. appreciated it.)

i cut my hair on saturday.

i was all ready for my fiona-xie-look.

BUT. the auntie cut wronglyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.... *WAILS*

there goes 'fiona xie'... =(

it looked really disgusting the first time she cut. in the end, i told her to cut everything.

all the hair on the floor. my heart wrenched. (still does actually)

3 months to prom.

God.. please let the hair grow at an increased rate......

wahahaha. no gp remedial. but tons of things to do before PE starts. so better hurry up.

it was bin's birthday yesterdae!! *WOoHOO* =] everybody was so excited for her. dunno why lor. it felt like as if it was my birthdae. wahahaha. gee.

anyway, yi zhi did sth really sweet to her.. he baked a fruit cake for hER!!! like "woooooooooohhhh..." so sweet rite.. aiyoh.. hahaha.. it was fun disturbing her.. at least i got back my revenge. *evil laugh* chong said if he bakes a bake for me, i will just haf food poisoning again. so i don't think i will want to try it. i'm really scared of food poisoning now. but then again.. it makes me lose my appetite and then i won't feel so fat. so probably its a good idea. wahaha.

anywae we got a really cool swatch skin watch for her . it was ex la. so she better appreciate it. haha.. i still owe her barney though. *promised i'll get 1 for her. hehe..

yup. exams and tests are everywhere.. driving all of us crazy.. the best part is there's more to come. sheesh. plus the olympics now isn't really helping very much. esp when the swimming section is like at 12:30 am. dammit.

i haf yet to read finish the book!! i'm onlt at day 27, when i'm supposed to be at 36 or more ah? die la. hahaha...

gee.. have so many thoughts but there ain't much time to blog.

study. eat. study. sleep. study. eat. study. shit. study. eat. study.sleep.

when does the all these end?

NOV 24th. (5:0o:01 pm.)

siGH....

few more weeks left to prelims.. it sucks la.. really..

i can't wait for november 24th 5:00:01 pm (if i'm not wrong) to come like really soon.

latest happennings.

(the bads...)

1. pimples are like staying for good.. refusing to leave.

2. sore throat that came.. which i hope it will nv ever come back again.. becos its just so difficult to SHUT UP!!! (...... sheesh.)
*grumbles..* was in misery... can't even sing national day songs properly....

3. that stupid indigestion.... because of that stupid burger king which i'm never gg to eat in like a few years.

4. the fever that resulted from that indigestion that came on and off on august 10th; that caused me to stay up from 3-6am.

5. and hence, have to cancel my 'cut hair' appointment at 10 30 am; which means i am still gg to watch the 9 o'clock show not because of the show but because of fiona xie's hair.

6. we didn't see 5566 live. (DAMMIT!)

(...and the goods)

7. the beautiful fireworks that lit the sky on the night of august 8th. ( 0_0 waH..)

8. the "so late then reach home" at 3am on the morning of august 9th. ( because we went to play pool at parkway)

9. and the 'we' included my church friends and chong. *smiles*

10. chong 'delivered' homework to my doorstep yesterdae when i didnt go to school. (so sweet!!! *MuaCKS*)

11. they showed that concert we missed that day on tv last night!!! (*screams* TONY!!!!!!!!)

OOOO... yan xing shu (duan chenfeng) and cyndi wang (wang xin ling) was also on tv... =D

hmmm.. anybody remembers what is the name of the character cyndi wang played in 'westside story'? nobody seems to remember!!!!! hmmMMmmMMMmm

SigH. eyes are red, swollen and puffy.

how much is friendship really worth?
after careful considerations, tears, and puffy eyes (yes. more of it), one will never noe how ur friends really treat u.

SIgh. i think my problem is not as big as it is compared to his mother. father told me that she was crying. she blames herself for this child. dammit. whats wrong with me.

had a crappy day today, but i managed to get thru it.

i totally feel better after crying. thank u God for tears. thank u for chong.

till i feel like blogging again.

you.
 i thought i could trust u with my troubles.
but were you there to share it? no.
what did you do? you laughed.

you.
you think its a small matter?
i dreamt of looking after a retarded boy last night. he tried to kill me. i woke up in tears.
if he was able to make me freak out and cry, i don't think so.

you.
what?
i'm sensitive?
deal with it. its MY character. too bad.

you.
thinking i'm over-doing it?
think again.
if you were me, what would u do?

2 of you.
the ones who are supposedly protecting me.
u asked me to overcome my fear and to think of the mental situation he is in.
yes. i agree.
BUT DID YOU THINK OF HOW I FEEL? WHO SHOULD U SIDE? AT LEAST SHOW ME THE CONCERN THAT YOU ARE OBLIGED TO GIVE ME?

ALL OF YOU.
I'M DAMN HURT.

identify urself in which category you are in. 

 
GOD.. where are you.. =~(

oh.. i forgot to thank aunty ruth and bro for my beautiful big black bag. i really love it. i carried it to school today.. my friends said its nice and cool. wahahahaha.

somehow...  it made my birthday special although it is 2 months late.

thank you. love u both.

ARgh. okay. this is gg to be the last post i'm gg to blog in a long while. i so have to start studying.. no more blogging for me. so yah, haha dun bother reading about my life.. for the next 50 plus days? well.. at least till prelims end.

life is getting a bit crazy for me.. i'm really really starting to think what God's purpose for my life is after reading the book. is life just my temporary stay on earth as what the book says? so why are we studying so damn hard anyway? its not as if we are all going to live forever. shouldn't we take the time to do worthwhile stuff like.. i dunno... just sth besides studying. i'm really seriously honestly tired of everything in my life.

*stares at the ceiling* WHATS MY PURPOSE, GOD?  tell me so i won't feel sick of my life! 

we fought the day before again.. he asked me if i really wanted 'us' to continue. i wasn't sure. i wanted to give him up due to the many factors that is self-explainable. but then again.. i just love him so much. i spent a long time crying before i replied. i said yes. i want 'us' to continue. did i do the right thing? or did i do the wrong thing? all i know is i love him. is it wrong to be with someone who u are not supposed to be with actuallY? i don't know. sigh. i really don't know.

its back to maths.

 

alritE. hands up u little kids who's been reading my blog... gee.. i didn't noe u guys would actually have the time to come read about my life.. dun u have to study?? haha.. must have been influenced by a certain hwa chong junior college guy..... correct rite?  argH. haha ( sorry bro)
 
ok. so u noe about my deepest darkest secrets. dun come and anyhow now ah.. especially angeline and probably, lina.. later i tell a certain someone that u all dying for her to teach u to play softball so u can play with her and enjoy the most of her company.. waHAhaHahaHAHA. thats worst than exposing my secrets, ain't it. haha.. so if i hear anything.. i'm gg to change my addie. so u all better dun say anything............... or else u wouldn't be able to read any more about my life.... haha btw, look forward to gg out with u girls this week. *smiles* so u can tell me about each other's secrets too.. then we'll be like the er.. secret 4 or sth.. wahahaha. by the way.. u seriously can leave me a note on my taggie. at least i can say hi to u all..dun so shy la. aiyah.  haha *pSSSTtTTtt.. i hear minnie has a blog.. go find it.  hahaha
 
yea.. so back to serious stuff.. watched spidey 2 yesterdae.. it was an awesome movie man!!!! went "diu-ing" at everything i saw ydae till chong said i was crazy. wahahaha..
 
we quarelled last night though. but its my fault i guessed. i told him i chose laur-co instead of him.. but he doesn't noe the real truth.. he says he places so much importance on me and since i dun reciprocate he doesn't want to be hurt so badly if i leave him. but.. thats my reason for choosing laur co instead of him... i dun noe la.. i guess i'm being really selfish.. cried before i slept last nite. couldn't wake up this morning... siGHz. he msged me during recess that he has forgiven me. and i love him so much more now.
 
sigh.

aRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stupid stupid stupid!!! i hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to write essays!! arGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh.
so many essays to write and do... argh.. i dun feel like studyinggggggg..

oh btw.. my maid found laur co under my sister's bed. i think she kicked him off the bed!! ass.. poor laur co.. when i asked her where she found my precious,she said to me "under jolene's bed. only can see the legs." poor laux.. he must have been screaming for help...... mummy asked me to go put him to wash.. weelll.. forget it man.. laux not gg for any bath soon.. i miss him too much to let him go and bathe. wahahahahhaha.

chong went for medical... not in school todae.. :(

hmm.i think we are back to the blogging-crazy business.. coming to the library at every break just to find additional stuff to put on the blog.. haha.. i still need to find sth for my cursor.. hmmmmmm.... anybody noes where to get a nice one?? haha tell me k?

yea.. weiling's asking me to go eat fries now.. shall go eat before pe. hahahahahaha.. so ironic.

tmr's fridae!!! wooHOO!!! there's cell and i can see my beautiful 'family' again.. haven't seen aunty ruth for eons.. wahahahaha..

i miss chong.

arGH. I’am so pissed. Somebody took laur-co away from me last night! I couldn’t sleep wellllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dammit. Poor laur-co.. I miss him.. I hope I can find him soon so I can go to sleep peacefully with him in my arms.. hehe.. sounds so erm.. haha

Wasn't a good morning.. it so isn't..…some family thing happen.. sigh why must she keep on lying after all the warnings.. I'm really pissed off with her.. she says she understands.. but its not true.. she doesn't.. I’m sure she is going to get big caning tonite.. I feel so angry.. but on the other hand.. I feel sympathetic for her.. but how should I really feel?? I have no idea.. sigh.. am I making any sense at all in the first place???

And then during break, I rushed to the library to blog.. but only to be pissed off again when the page read, "blogger is under maintanence for 2 hours." Dammit. Anyway, I found a game to add to my blog. Its quite cool la.. go guess the number.…

Sad matters (that wants me to just rant at everything and at whoever who hid my precious son, laur-co) aside, I got back my geog paper today.. 46! I passed.. haha.. but aiyah.. wth la.. the marks doesn't really tally with the effort I have put in.. sigh.

Anyway.. the good news is that chong O'ed his physics!! Yay!! I'm so happy for him!

WAHAHAHA. i found such a chio skin... or a brown skin.. rather.

the "fight" was between scooby doo or this girl.. but scooby lost because he had such a small box for my navigation. stupid scooby.... he got my vote actually.

stayed back after econs to do this with dian ah. i feel so happy now.. like as if i did something really big. wahaha.. yea.. and the mood thing is so cuteeeeeee.. see? it says "ACCOMPLISHED" which is exactly how i feel now!!

thanx diana for teaching me do these stuff and helping me with my blogskin. she has a new blogskin too!! her blogskin is really really nice too.. go check it out! all thanx to mamafai. haha (the person who created these blogs. talent lor, i tell u.) hahaha

okie.. shall go home le.. got lots of geog stuff to do.. sianx..... bubye.. *smiles* =P

hmmm..... i passed my GP!! wEEeEEEeeEEEeee.... hehe by a mere 5 marks. haha.. but who cares.

mmmmm just had geog tut.. that lai lai came to talked to us about the university admission. i think i can't get into SMU le.. my dumb SAT which i retook again sucked.. after spending so much time on my verbal.. i had only 480 (38% national)!! and my maths.. 690 (92% national). like whatever lor.. SHEESH.

anyway, i think she's so fake.. dunno la.. anyway its only 7 weeks left to prelims. (dammit) yup.

anywaex. yea. i'm bored.

hmm. mr chen says he is gg to give us back our papers tmr.. hope i dun fail too badly..

mmm.. chong~ dun worry about ur grades k.. 7 weeks left.. we will pia together!! u will so love chemistry after 7 weeks.=) i'm sure of it. love u. 8)