2nd day of school (for me)

just came back from intern briefing.

just realised i'm still half done with my cover letter. urgh. can't seem to get down to doing it. =/

disgusted with myself.

its only the 2nd day of school for me and i can already feel the pressure. disgusting lehhhhhh..

gg to watch joycee stretch her long legs now! so proud of her. =)

prob later.

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who wants tix to see me act prostitutish? tix at $14. 7 30pm. UCC.
sms me ok? =) (eccluding hall peeps)

lion + today =)

i saw this pic at yahoo main page. i think its really sweet! =) hahah.. i want a lion to kiss me toooooooooooooooooooooooo.

...oh sheesh. not THAT 'lion'. i want a real wan. and i hope it doesn't bite my face in the process. haha..

mmm.. i feel happy today. =) i really do. i think its because i managed to wake up for bfast, and managed to sleep for quite long hours. ok. my fav day is tuesday. =) i hope it stays that way. haha..

went out with liannie, winnie and xiao hua just now.. we had crystal jade for lunch. it was soooo goooood. and somehow it made me feel loved. i dunno why. =) oh wells. i look fwd to more outings like these!

sp later.. better go remember more lines.

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random thought of the day: if you think i'm just cute, young and brainless; u should really think again. i'm very much deeper than u think i am.

first night in hall (again)

here i am. sitting in my new room A513. smiling to myseld, thinking how wonderful the sem is going to be.

until i started thinking of what i just saw, what i just digested, on top of what that has already happened.

i just told liannie and winnie that it doesn't bother me. True, honestly, it doesn't. i was quite surprised of how i justified my feelings to them actually. -.- altho i meant every word that i said, it just feels so wrong to say that. simply because i've always been preaching about sth else..

i just realise today that not everything can happen the way it were before. no longer can i hold a much decent conversation with you. no longer can we have such talks that i used to enjoy. its just.. weird. and it's just sad.

Thinking about it, i think it goes for you too. i really can't talk or want to meet up with you anymore.. i really have no more feelings for you as well, and i am that glad that we are no longer together actually because u change so much. u have change from the innocent sweet guy i noe to this stranger i didn't believe i once loved. its hard for me, u noe. it really is.

well, i think its because i'm tired thats why i'm feeling so low down. oh well. sp has been moving quite slowly. i am quite afraid not only for myself but for everybody else as well.. we have lots to do. On top of that, there's those 3 non examinable modules to think of. =/ and ministries problems to think about as well.

no, i'm not saying i'm the most poor thing on this earth. certainly not. there is just many things left to consider now during this period of time, i guess.

SP made me realise how far i will go. Yes, acting as a prostitute is really a huge challenge for me. In fact, i'm freaking uncomfortable abt it. i'm just thinking now if it was wrong for me to accept this role? but what can i do about it. sigh. if corn noes about this, i'm sure i'll get it from her. but i do love to act. i do love to perform. but really. how far must/should i go? is it ok?

well.. i'm in hall, my class 95 is on, it's raining, it feels nice and good now.. i think i'll just go take the hairdryer mummy made me bring and blow dry my hair.. then i'll sleep. hopefullly, i wun feel as crap as i feel now.

good. its raining, so the level 6 guys can't play their soccer on the rooftop so i can go sleep peacefully. =)

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hey.. i really hope u're okay ok? i mean.. u can talk to me, u noe.. i'm always there to listen for you, just like how u're always there to hear me whine.. =) and seriously, if i think u are great, than like whatever with whoever who said you are not! Because you are. really. *hugs

an Overview of the year

so i finally can get down to blog my first post of the year. =)

firstly, i feel that this year- the year that gives me the intangible chop of me entering a new phase in my life- is going to pass really fast. hmm.. my time line for this year would look like this:

Jan- Mar: SP
Apr: exams
May-Aug: Intern
sept-Dec: exchange

thats pratically the whole year. hahaha..


so a new year, a new start. thats what we always say every year. which means a new set of resuolutions.. which include trying to squeeze into corn's levis so we dun have to spend more money. haha.. well, looking my age is perhaps one of the more impt ones, i guess..


alrite.
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dude.. u totally disgust me. but anyway, thanks for bringing the drive in my life.

A513.. here i come. =)

the true meaning of Christmas

this year, as usual, christmas starts really early for me. i start dreaming about it since the start of exams. i can't stand christmas songs playing while i'm studying: probably because christmas = holiday? and studying obviously is not a word to describe the holidays.

So, christmas.. father asked me one of those common questions- to a Christian-a few days ago: What does Christmas really mean?

And i just feel that this being an apt period of time to share it with you ardent fans of my blog (hehe).

i read in one of those articles by those columnist in the Today newspaper regarding christmas, she said her friend always complained about Christmas because it just wasn't complete without the snow; of which she replied " the last time i checked, Bethleham was bright and sunny when Jesus was born, and there was no sign of snow." that comment got me in stiches!

Christmas, father said, was about love. as mundane as that sounds, have u ever wondered deeper into that matter?

"for God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever who believes in Him will have eternal life and never die." - John 3 :16

With that great, undying love He had for us, he gave us other gifts that came along with it as well: Hope, Peace and Joy. Will we ever be happy without these gifts? the answer is No.

So today, i acted as Mary in church for the children to watch. true, the story commonly told, would probably not be anything new for most of us. But today, i analysed the scenes we acted. To conclude, this is the start of the greatest love story ever told.

i feel that one of the most important points out of everything, including the amazement, the wonder, the awesomeness of how the whole event took place- has got to be the very fact that Jesus was born in a manger, in a stable. Like as if taking on the form of man and going though this life on earth was an easy thing to do, the King was born in a stable. the humility, none can deny.

As we performed roughly what happened in the story to the children,by faith i believe that the msg was effectively being communicated accross. and by faith, the children will grow up to be men and women of God.

so, Merry CHristmas, beloved. May you really feel the real spirit of Christmas this year. May you not dwell in what the world thinks of santa claus, reindeers and talking snowman- but you'll think of a baby in a manger, in a stable filled with animals, where the 3 wise men and their royal gifts and the shepherds- on their knees- in front of the manger; the choir of Angels singing "Glory to the new born King!"; the brightly shining stars that filled the night sky; how the whole world rejoiced; what a magnificent sight it had been! =D

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Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart

Somewhere deep inside you is where Christmas really starts

So give your heart to Jesus, and you'll discover when you do

that Christmas, is really Christmas, for you. =)

you + BKK + photoshoot + random

i think you hate me now. its really painful not being able to talk to you. but if that helps you, i guess i won't say anything. i don't think i'll ever take initiative to msg you anymore unless needed. i really don't want you to hate me more.

and my only wish is that we'll still be friends without being awkward. well, it takes 2 hands to clap.

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Bangkok was a blast. =) i shopped and spent all of corn's money. heh. think she's unhappy i bought more stuff than her. but i'm sorrrrrrrrryyy!! i can't help it. i promise to return u money when i start earning laaah. =/

saw a dominatrix outfit in platinum, and i started running away, from the shop. it was too scary. too many tikos were in the shop. and tris scolded me for not getting it because he said they have to go online and find one. shit. i'm damn scared on what i'm gonna wear.

on the other hand, we had another photo shoot on monday night. i think i still look fat and gross. its all Tris fault for treating us pizza before the shoot (but i'm not blaming him) anyways, i just have to exclaim that photoshop is the best technological invention ever. Not only does it make me look REALLY thinner, it provides entertainment to everybody who saw how my stomach went big and small continuously.

SOMEONE, please tell me why rag needs publicity shots for? i'm so sorry, but it quite pissed me off because nobody could think of why they needed to shoot at that hour; causing me to miss the train and my dad had to risk the rain and pick me up all the way from home. SOMEONE, please enlighten me.

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finishing school is quite helpful. and i just have to wonder about networking. well, i guess i'll go wrap christmas presents now. remind me to give my 2 cents worth on that matter.

its going to be a crazy 2 weeks before the week ends.

and xj is back!! yay!! when's adrian coming back? hmmm.. =)

dear you...

i just want to tell you that your letter touched my heart.

you're the sweetest. you know that. =)

i've been cooking lunch fo 3 days already( with father's help, but i did 90% of it because he was on the phone like throuout). haha =) proud of myself! =)

i can't wait for bkk. gawd. can't the days like pass faster..

ooo..sp rehearsals.. gosh i'm so excited about that too lah. haha hope it wun die down.

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resume finally done.

life is good.

yay.. each day draws nearer = bkk trip is nearer.

haha.

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Jamie sent me the exchange list yday or the day before or sth lah, but i opened it today. i am so excited! *jumps ard

anyways, despite being s excited, i still had a tinge of disappointment when i saw the UK unis has quite limited spacing. and i'm quite sure they are quite popular, so i might not get a place in UK. =( nvm la. go sweden. ehhhehehehehe...

oh wells. going to have a fun filled week. whole week filled with darlings to go out with. i have yet to contact my KC darlings. =) all of a sudden i feel like i have so many friends..

hahah.. yay. life's good. life's really good.

*smiles.

exams: OVER + jo + ...merry christmas. =)

WOW!! my exams are finally over!! woohoo!! *jumps ard

i think i studied hard this semester. of course, i have not much of an excuse except for jo- no hall activities or whatnot. haha..

ok i hope my CAP can be pulled up-i really need to pul it up, it can't go down much further. haha

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So sometimes, we asked God why. amidst of all the praying and the faith that we all had, things still happens the way they are. so why did she do badly? and why did they change their mind then?

so it is of human nature to question God, and most of the time, it tests our faith. But, what are we going to do about it? That, that is the most important question.

So, i recall that particular MKC session we had, that bex was telling the children about how God answers prayer.

Amy Carrmicheal had brown eyes and she always wanted her mother's blue eyes. Having heard about God's faithfulness in answering prayers at a young age of 8, she prayed to God with all her heart, mind and soul that He'll make her brown eyes blue the next morning. And so, she went to sleep.

She woke up the next morning, obviously disappointed and couldn't figure out the reason why.

Amy was in her twenties when she became a full time missionary to India. As controls were quite strict among the villages, no outsider- except Indians- were allowed to live in these villages. Thus, Amy applied cocoa and coffee powder all over her face and covered her hair with a scarf. It was then that Amy thank God for her brown eyes. Without her brown eyes, no amount of change can make her look like an Indian and reach out to the people there.

(of course la, lets not talk about contact lenses)

So, there is a reason for everything, and everything works for the good for those who love Him (Rom 8:28). Sure, we are dissapointed. but we can't do anything about it, but pray that woman knows how badly she's done and strive to change her stream next year, which i overheard her telling her fren on the phone the other night (THANK GOD)

So apart from relying on the sports school, we still had to choose 6 other schools, for just in case purposes. as we chose, we realised that she over qualified for many of those schools. we figured out that if she had done a lil better, she would only be able to qualify for the schools that were not as good. being the top of the stream now, she was able to apply for the better schools!! =)

Well, as we said, if it is not His will, we shall just continue to put our faith in Him. Besides, He has proven HImself to be good and true over my last 20 years.. and i love my Jesus so much. =)

well, i figured out something else too: my sister, she, teaches me to be humble.

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christmas is here, i can feel it! =) i look forward to a white christmas next year... father gave the green light to exchange, and i'm sooooooooooo soooooooooo soooooooooo looking forward to it!!

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yep, i told u i read ur blog and i really want to tell u this:

dude! where's ur confidence!!! wat life changing all!! HARLO. if you don't think u are, you won't be! sheesh.. =\ a bit sad that u said such things.. anyways, yea guess will settle it after ur exams, meanwhile study hard k. =)

i have a fat face.

ron koped from veron's blog. i really think my face is damn fat. need to lose all the weight, and i'm so determined, i will. but i think my teeth is the also the reason why. haha.. everything blame the teeth. but ok la. at least they chose the one without my teeth showing, but i still look weird. aiyah can we have a re shoot.. i practice the face liao.. =/ REALLYY!!!

but i really like the background pic more than my indiv shot (obviously). i think its so much of an improvement compared to my 'Daphne' pic last dec!! haha.. hmm.. make up does wonders.

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Pastor's dad passed away this morning. sometimes i wonder what happens at the transition.. i'm always afraid i'll lose my way. But now, i know for sure i won't.

i love my Jesus.

Jo's results out tmr.. i dunno what i'm feeling.

the parable of the 10 virgins

God spoke to me today. =) quite directly, i must say.

about a week ago, a close fren confided in me of how tired she's been, tired that she's not being able to be there for everybody that she cares, and she feels so selfish that she neglected them.

i gave her an advice. i told her it's ok to be selfish. to settle ur own needs first before going on to care about others.

that night, i stopped and thought about it: have i told her the right thing? was i right, as a child of God, to tell her to be selfish?

well, i sort of just let it go. till today.

ps ho talked about not missing the boat today. he used the word 'remnant', of what i always thought had a negative connotation attached to it, to describe his sermon today.

"Remnant," he said, " is to be seperated and set apart by God."

Noah and his family (8 of them) were remnants. so were Lot and his 2 daughters, Jacob & family, Joshua and Caleb, Elijah and the 70,000 faithful followers and the Israelites who were going into captivity in eze 12:1-16.

He continued on with examples from the NT. and something struck me when he mentioned about the parable of the ten virgins.

Matthew 25
The Parable of the Ten Virgins 1"At that time the kingdom of
heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the
bridegroom. 2Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 3The foolish ones
took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. 4The wise, however, took
oil in jars along with their lamps. 5The bridegroom was a long time in coming,
and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.
6"At midnight the cry rang
out: 'Here's the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!'
7"Then all the
virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. 8The foolish ones said to the wise,
'Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.'
9" 'No,' they
replied, 'there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who
sell oil and buy some for yourselves.'
10"But while they were on their
way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in
with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.
11"Later the
others also came. 'Sir! Sir!' they said. 'Open the door for us!'
12"But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I don't know you.'
13"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

i'm always stumped by this particular parable. i never knew or really bothered to go and find out why the hell are those 5 virgins so selfish.

but today. today, i knew why.

it is okay to be selfish. nobody is going to look out for you. u really have to take care of yourself in certain issues before taking care of others.

so if remnant has a negative connotation to it, so does being selfish, then i guess it just depends on the situation you are in that determines which category you fall under.

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i read a blog entry yday. and i thought bout it- long and hard. altho the blogger of that post is of a young age of 16, i don't totally agree with the whole post- because she didn't know the research you had done. But me, being 20 and much more mature and perhaps, understanding you better than her, i will have to agree with her main point of her arguement.

i pray that you'll open your eyes and see the truth.

you used to ask me, "who sets what is the truth and whats not?"

i can tell you, i wouldn't know the answer, because the devil turns up many variation of the stories. but think about your life, what u've been thru, what u've experience with Him.

the cold truth/ question to ask is: are u bending the facts to suit what u want to face? what you want to hear? what you think is convenient for you to believe in?

no. i wouldn't dare lecture you. no, i wouldn't dare to scold/raise my voice. who am i anyway- to tell you off, someone who knows more than me?

no, i am not qualified. i'm not condemning or what not to ur new belief, but its because i love you so much thats why i'm saying all this. and i believe u'll probably won't look at me in the same way anymore. i just wnt you to hold on to the truth u've been holding on.

are u still close to Him the way u were?

if you are, then i guess we'll just leave it as that- but i still love you.

Beaitiful Saviour

Jesus,

beautiful Savior.

God of all majesty

risen King.

lamb of God,

holy and righteous

Blessed redeemer

bright morning star.

All the heavens shout your praise

All creation bows to worship you

How wonderful

how beautiful

name above every name

exalted high

how wonderful

how beautiful

Jesus your name

name above every name

Jesus.

...AHHH!

i just realise its 6 months before i turn 21.

...

*SCREAMS*

SP photo shoot

urgh. i got home about 1 and a half hours ago. my left eye is tearing continuously ever since i took out my lens just now lianniie helped me with eye shadow just now.

gawd. i hope the pics come out nice, but i doubt so. i mean, not that i dun trust choonie's professionalism... i dun trust all of them la- the pic was so gross and they said i nailed the look. like -.- hello? i look like a 1.chipmink. 2.hamster. 3. beaver. 4. rabbit. take ur pick. =/

sheesh. but perhaps, since my eyes were giving me problems, i couldn't see it properly. plus the fact that i was the only one who could see my fats in the pics, i think i am entitled to my own comments. haiya. i hope i look alrite.

ok fine. i'll just trust choonie.

i mean.. i also got no other choice lor.. hhahahahaha..

joyce is such a darling. i love her soo soo sooooo much! =)

ok i'm still tearing, think i'll go sleep.

*if the pics are decent, i'll post it up.. after all the photoshop. hahahahaa..

sian + random

another day has come and gone...

sian.

i got 3/5 for my finance quiz again. how sian lor. 3 quizes, all 60%. so cute lor, cannot stand.

okay. i am gg to get my A's. jiayou! woohOO.

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hmm. GST rising to 7%!! 0.0 how sian can that get.

the scandinavian countries have really high taxes.

ok. random thought of the day.

remind me to tell u what i think about income gaps in singapore and the asian financial crisis.
that is, after i studied for it.

hmm...

ramblings

blogger's got this really new layout thing, and i really like it. =)

i decided not to include my taggie because i dun really think there's much of a need anyway lah. (but i read the msg liannie.. =) muacks hope u are ok liao! )

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another week has just ended. its 12 more days to exams. altho i haven't started on my mgt sci, at all, i think i'll somehow be able to do well this sem, i hope. i need to pull my cap up this sem, so i can relax a lil next sem, esp since i dun have any excuse of not doing well this sem la. aiyah whatever.

okay.

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new news of cell posting. =) i'm happy. i'm sure it will all start really well. this split is what we really needed. what i dun understand is why are certain people not moving on with their lives? dammit.

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today's mkc was quite hectic. felt really tired today, esp since i felt like i ran the whole prog today. the kids were so rowdy, rarh, i wanted to bite their heads off. =/ but anyways, i still love them, somehow. haha

becky's worship today was great. =)
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hey mentos, angelinny, jo, derek and debbie.. a few more days! =) jiayoujiayou!!

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she closed her eyes and focused on the cross. with one hand placed on her heart and the other raised to Him, she felt her spirit lifted as she sang..

"at the cross
i bow my knee
where Your blood was shed for me
there is no greater love than this
....what can seperate me now?"

"i wish i was in Your presence praising You 24/7"

presentation + resume

i viewed my presentation today on tape. at least i don't really think i look like some animal when i wea formal. haha.. my hair needs another haircut badly. ( or should i just snip it all off again?)

i feel that i could have done a lot more better and am quite disappointed with myself. A presentation is made perfect with a stunning presentator. and i aim to do just that. a little more practice- thats all i need. i know i can do it. and do it well.

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i just did my resume, not very sure if i should included certain things. i really want to include my primary school achievements. hahaha.. but yj said it was too far off, and gave me a face. haha... i was quite active in primary school ok. i have like so many different certificates from my ensalmb to different types of national competitions that shuyun, clara and i just patricipated for the heck of it. hahaha..

As i read my secondary school testimonial, i felt a sense of nostalgia engulfing me. i really miss my secondary school days where we just complained nonstop over the work we had to do, the many stupid activities we had to join. i even remember emceeing a chinese singing competition as well as achieving first place in a chinese drama that i had to act gay. how embarassing it felt, but proud when i went up stage to claim my very first chinese acheivement. in retrospect, i appreciate all of these events. including the folding of those mass leavelets and stacking up those damn dusty chairs every mass session and assemblies. it was all worth it.

i smile as i recall how our 03s75 of SAjc 1st 3 months participated ever so actively in our little wired 'saint' business and won some award that we were not satisfied but proud of. i smile at the crazy timings i had to wake up and still be late for school and be little pets waiting for adoption by our CTs.

i recall my meridian days. on what dr S asked us to intro ourselves by saying what our fantasy is. from Wimbledon and Oscars to acting and singing with ayumi hamasaki, we said it all. =) From the picking of the class reps, to netball first trials, to the nicknames gathered (my fav has got to be the onr from my darling netball coach: twinkle toes.), tohave been scared out of our wits every econs lecture, to trying to scrape through all our tests, to complaining how freaking long our damn time tables are, to making our econs relief teacher cry because we couldn't understand what dd and ss is all about, to publicising events by getting on stage to sing and dance, to grab any chance i can to walk past the bball court (haha), to form secret alliance with the photocomm to get bball photos, to so many other rubbish things that i've done in meridian. the best of course was the incessent updating of our surroundings with my darling jie meis in the canteen during breaks.

i recall my working days. how i figured out how to use the damn photocopier, how i found out my boss secret, how we got so close, how they have become such unfriendly monsters to such close sisters, how they let me msn and email and whatever else that i shouldn't do and how they cover my ass when i was found out. haha. how one quit and how another came. and how i was awarded a huge elmo on my birthday, a purple crumpler when i left, and of course, not forgetting the longest temp staff award ever in the company.

i conclude that my resume is my life story. an interesting one it has been, and i love every moment and every single person that was involved in it.

totally.

=)

today, pastor said what we are gg to do for Christmas this year.

immediately, you came to my mind.

at that point, how i long to turn back time, and somehow deep within me, i wish it is possible; and i wish you'll just ask me and stop pushing me around.

culture + prestige

Asian values build on confucius values that emphasises on order and discipline. Western values build on rights and freedom. This conflict in cultures has resulted in the many global disagreements such as China's human rights.

who decides which culture is right? who decides what is the basic human rights?

culture imperialism: does it really exist?

part 2 soon.
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watch prestige the other day with fai. boi! it was so good and i am so motivated to study now lah! haha..

an obsession can end your life.
which matters more- love or career?
i still feel that Sarah's death is a maligned one.

the most impt lesson:
things are just as simple as it is, no illusions, no magic. it is just that simple.

another to add on my top 10 fav. =)

the prestige is power lah. =)

i think i should go get the book and read it again... hahahahah..
but for now.. its back to culture.

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jia you mentos!! =D